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You know that feeling when you just click with yourself? When youโre not worried about how you look, what people think, or whether youโre measuring up to some vague ideal of being ‘a success?’ Yeah, itโs a pretty awesome feeling, but getting there isnโt always easy.
Weโve all had moments where we feel out of place, or just not quite comfortable with who we are. Nothing wrong with that, we’re only human, but how do you get past the barriers and feel comfortable in your own skin? This is something many of us struggle with, especially when we have self-worth issues.
In this article, Iโm diving into some real-world ways to be more comfortable in your own skin – talking about feeling good in your body, owning your uniqueness, and not letting anyoneโs standards define you.
Be comfortable in your own skin meaning
To be comfortable in your own skin means that you’re being your authentic self, and you aren’t afraid of acting in a way that feels good to you! You’re at peace with who you are, including your quirks, differences, and dysfunctions.ย
In other words, becoming comfortable in your own skin is to develop transparency and to come out of your shell. Rather than cowering behind a false image because you’re afraid of being a bit different or quirky, you are comfortable being seen for who you are.
This means you’re not worried about being judged and you don’t live to appease other people. You’re congruent with your own needs and desires, and do what feels good to you regardless of how others perceive it.
Many people you cross paths with are wearing masks to fit in. There’s quite a strong social pressure to fit into social circles, society, or culture that we often chop off all the bits sticking out to fit into the frame.
We want to appear successful, wealthy, and well-put together. We want an ego massage by flaunting an image that is admired by others. So we create a facade that we’re comfortable in, but the true self feels vulnerable when we expose it.
So we don’t.
Why being comfortable in your own skin is important
When people aren’t comfortable in their own skin, they don’t act congruently with who they genuinely are or do what makes them feel good. This can lead to self-disintegration, a lack of satisfaction with oneself, self-doubt, approval-seeking behavior, and other limitations that we definitely want to avoid.
Part of being comfortable in your own skin is to be comfortable as an individual. It’s important to see the inherent value of your uniqueness because this will help you come out of your shell.
You can become more individualistic by pursuing your own beliefs, goals, and ambitions, regardless of what other people do, or how they view this behavior. Not to mention, it takes a world of pressure off your shoulders, not feeling like you need to be a particular way.
We’ve all tried that at some stage, it becomes exhausting!
When I was younger I thought my life was planned out for me. After undergoing a spiritual awakening, I completely changed the trajectory of my life because I could no longer see the joy in it. While I knew following a particular path of finding a respectable job and earning a good income was what most people do – and would give me social brownie points, I knew it wasn’t authentic to who I was.
My life certainly hasn’t been conventional and there’s not a whole lot of people I can seek guidance from. So I explored my identity. It took me time to really fall into my true identity, a deeper soul identity with lots of trials, but the more I stepped into it, the more comfortable I became with being unusual.
Many people take the easy route and wonder why they aren’t fulfilled. I believe that in many cases, it’s because they have leaned so far into a facade that they forgot their individuality.
In truth, most people are afraid to be themselves because it can be uncomfortable, especially in the beginning. We’re pressured into abiding by a particular image, and we lose ourselves in the chase. So do you want to be the same as everyone else, safe and unseen, or do you prefer to pave your unique path through life, regardless of what others do?
I know what I would do.
Learn to express yourself genuinely
Let’s focus on your self-expression. To be more comfortable in your own skin, you must learn to express yourself in a way that is congruent with your true thoughts and feelings.
If your actions correspond with your deeper values, feelings, desires, and beliefs, then you’re in alignment with your true self. If you act the way you should but feel that it’s incongruent with who you are, then you’re wearing a mask.
Expressing yourself freely is to allow yourself to express yourself in a way that feels good! You don’t necessarily need to be an expressive person if it’s not who you are, but you shouldn’t hold back.
Self-expression comes in many flavors including:
- The expression of your emotions (crying, laughing)
- Expressing yourself verbally (communicating your needs, desires, frustrations)
- Expressing yourself through body language (mannerisms, gestures)
- Expressing yourself romantically
- Acting on impulses instead of overanalyzing them
- Being expressive with stylizing yourself
- Expressing yourself through your sense of fashion
- Being free with your actions instead of restaining them
- Allowing yourself to be playful, mischievous, flirty, etc.
- Following your interests, passions, and avocations in life
If you feel like doing something, do it. If you feel like saying something, say it. Your instincts are powerful, and they serve an important function. Likewise, intuition is a very powerful tool and tends to steer you in the direction of authenticity.
Express yourself in a healthier way
It’s important to express your pain by crying, or your anger by venting. Do you feel better when you talk to someone about your problems and get it off your chest?
I bet you do.
Being in alignment with your true self allows you to process your life experience and heal your wounds. Pretending you’re okay only prevents you from looking at the issue at hand, which is why it’s counterproductive.
Expressing yourself fully = a more colorful expression of life.
Covering your feelings up = numbness and a lesser expression of life.
That’s why expressing your pain is just as important as expressing everything positive you feel.ย Being authentic in your expression is no excuse for having no discipline or falling into habits or impulses that don’t serve you.
You can also express positive feelings in a toxic way. If you start screaming at the top of your lungs in public because you received some good news, you’re being a nuisance. However, you can harness that positive energy in a way that benefits everyone.
Celebrate! Dance, sing, and be grateful. Have great conversations and let yourself shine. If you’re in love, show affection, show care, show that love. Be there for your partner, but don’t smother them.
This is why you need to think about how you’re choosing to express your energy because you can easily do it in a way that isn’t productive. As long as you express yourself fully, you will find it much easier to be comfortable in your own skin.
How to be comfortable in your own skin
You may feel a little strange when you start coming out of your shell. It may even be daunting because you’re not used to being so seen. However, the more you make an effort to embody your true self, the more comfortable you will feel.
So treat it as a process.
If you practice stepping further into the person that you resonate with, you will start to find comfort in the new you. When you reach a point where you are comfortable in your own skin, life is generally a much more joyful experience.
Here we’re going to look at some steps you can take to be more comfortable with yourself.
Stop resisting yourself
Nonresistance plays a role if you want to be comfortable in your own skin. That’s because when we don’t like what we see underneath the mask, we tend to resist our true feelings, desires, and personality. If you simply let yourself be who you really are, you wouldn’t have this issue.
Do you dance when you’re feeling it, or do you tell yourself that you shouldn’t because you’re worried about what others think? Do you allow yourself to be a little silly at times and let your inner child play, or are you trying to be mature? Do you go the places and do the things you want, or overthink them?
When you train yourself not to act in a certain way, it becomes difficult to step deeper into your authentic self. Stop resisting your life experience, and you will find that you are a great place to be.
Get in touch with your feelings
Transparency is an important step to become more comfortable in your own skin, and openness plays a big role in your ability to be transparent. The way I look at this is if you are an open book, you have nothing to hide, making it easier to be yourself. If you aren’t transparent, you’ll probably play the part of appearing a certain way.
Most people aren’t very transparent for a couple of reasons.
- They have something to hide.
- They feel vulnerable by being seen.
Assuming you don’t have anything to hide, you probably feel vulnerable by being your true self.
Here’s the thing.
Most people have no idea who you are because you refuse to let them in. By being transparent, more people will resonate with you because they’re interacting with a three-dimensional person, not a facade. Furthermore, you will attract like-minded people into your world by being open, and probably push away artificial people you don’t want.
It’s a win-win.
Be true to your beliefs
Be integral to your beliefs. Your beliefs are powerful, and if you ignore them, you’re going to cause an incongruency. Therefore, stick to what you believe in despite what other people think. Don’t be afraid to be judged by others, knowing everyone is so focused on their image, that nobody is paying attention to yours.
Perhaps you have an unpopular opinion on the world situation. Some people might disagree with you. They might not even like you for expressing those beliefs, but if aren’t integral to them, you’re not going to feel at peace with yourself.
No, you’re going to feel less embodied because you’re stepping outward into inauthenticity. Your beliefs, attitudes, and actions should be consistent with your values. Live in integrity with what you believe to be true, and you will feel much better about who you are.
Be sincere in your communication
Many people have a habit of saying what other people want them to say, rather than what they’re thinking. Sometimes being honest may be uncomfortable or intimidating, but you need to make a habit of being true to your word. Likewise, you will feel much more empowered and self-ensured when you can express your word freely.
If people oppose your views, hold space to debate but don’t just agree for the sake of wanting to get along with people. This is people-pleasing behavior, and it certainly won’t empower you. Being vocal about your opinions generates interesting conversation, but it also opens you up to other people, as they see where you lie on different subjects and issues.
Work on your self-worth
Not being able to be yourself generally stems from a self-worth issue. You may not like the person you truly are, so you try to hide that person from the public gaze. Realize, however, that this won’t make you feel fulfilled.
Can you identify if there is something about yourself you don’t like? Some people will know instantly, others may need to do some digging. But let me hand the ball back to you…
What don’t you like about yourself, and what emotions does thinking about it stir up? Perhaps you feel shame or guilt. Perhaps you’re embarrassed by a particular personality trait or characteristic.
If you can identify something you’re deliberately withholding from the world, that could be why you’re uncomfortable in your skin – because you don’t love yourself. In this case, the more you can cultivate self-love, acceptance, and forgiveness, the easier it will be to be comfortable in your own skin.