Category: Social Skills

Enhance your social skills by learning the tips, tricks, and skillsets taught here. Your social skills are an important aspect of your life journey, a they’re a gateway to live a happy and abundant life filled with amazing people.

How To Build Rapport With Almost Anyone
Getting to know someone is one thing, but breaking through the friendship barrier is something else completely.

For a big chunk of my life, I felt lonely because I lacked the social skills to create any sort of meaningful connection with people. The learning curve was long, but after realizing that building rapport is a skill set, my social life transformed in beautiful ways.

Everyone longs for deep connections, new friends, and exciting new experiences. But most people have the same fear that you do. They don’t know how to move beyond small talk or form a real connection with people.

For me, learning how to build rapport is not just about making life generally more enjoyable, but it’s also out of necessity. There have been one too many times when I’ve been caught in a tough situation, and the solution was always through others.

It quickly became obvious just how important rapport-building is in my everyday life. I can assure you, I wouldn’t be living the life I am now without having developed this fundamental, yet often overlooked skillset – to naturally, and genuinely connect with people.

You might be good at the usual formalities, but how many people can you call true friends? Knowing how to build rapport with people is a crucial social skill because it is the bridge from being an acquaintance to a friend.

Building rapport is the act of establishing a deeper and more substantial connection with someone. Rapport is established when you get beyond small talk and the usual formalities to create a more personal friendship with someone.
Rapport: The gateway to genuine friendship

When I first left Australia to live in Brazil, I was worried about winding up alone in a foreign country. Onboard my plane from the UAE to São Paulo, a young lady sat down next to me. In an awkward attempt to get the engine started, I asked her where she was going.

We chatted for most of the flight, and she gave me the ins and outs of the culture that I was soon going to be living in. We traded information and suddenly I had a valuable contact.

The next day while I was in a hostel in Curitiba, I bumped into a man from the US who was passing through. So I took the initiative to start a conversation with him and show some interest in his life. It led to an interesting conversation, and he offered to show me around the city. I learned a lot from this man, and he quickly became a staple for me.

The next day, I would meet some other students at the hostel who were getting ready for the same exchange program I was in, and we quickly became friends throughout the semester. Months flew by and before I knew it, it was time to say goodbye to everyone I became so close with.

So I continued traveling, and eventually, it became more than an adventure. It became my entire life where I was constantly meeting a stream of new faces. In every country I end up in, this outgoingness and ability to connect with people has made the entire experience for me. But it didn’t come naturally at first.

That’s why I want to pass on what I’ve learned so that you can easily build rapport with almost anyone, and bring the magic of yourself wherever you go, and to whoever you’re with.

The importance of rapport

Rapport building is the process of cultivating deeper and longer-lasting friendships with people. It’s the ability to enter someone else’s world, connect on mutual interests, and see one another as three-dimensional people.

Without building rapport, your social connections tend to be more distant. You might hover around small talk and pleasantries, and the conversation usually expires after a short period.

Rapport opens up a window of transparency that creates space for a more intimate connection. When you have a rapport with someone, you feel at ease around the person, and they feel at ease around you. You can let your guard down and be your authentic self without fear of being judged, or feeling like you need to make a good impression. Conversation flows, and you create an emotional bond as you naturally socially calibrate with the person.

As your social life is deeply rooted in your life experience, your ability to build rapport influences every aspect of it. from the quality of your social circles, your dating life, your career, and avocations, to the amount of opportunities that open up for you.

Rapport is necessary for some reasons:

It humanizes the interaction: When you establish rapport with someone, you see beyond the mask that they wear and get a glimpse into the person’s true character. You gain a deeper view of who the person truly is, and this humanizes the connection.

You feel closer with people: Building rapport allows you to get closer to someone, as you connect on a heart-to-heart level. This is usually when they will consider you a friend. This opens up the door for lasting friendships, invitations, new experiences, and a whole lot of fun.

It helps you professionally: Building rapport in the professional world is the crux of networking. Instead of making vague connections, those connections become high-quality. Real connections are generally valued higher in the professional world than competence.

You become more trusting (and trustworthy): When you build rapport with someone, you start to trust them more. Part of this is because of the transparency aspect that comes with rapport building. With that said, people also tend to trust you more. It’s important to break down this barrier to form more fulfilling connections, otherwise, it can be difficult to be set apart from just another person.

Communication improves: Sometimes it can be hard to fully express yourself and convey your ideas to someone you don’t know. You might hold back, feel nervous, or not trust them enough to speak about more personal matters. When you have rapport with someone, communication becomes more effective as you find yourself speaking honestly and freely.
How to build rapport with people

There’s no formula for establishing rapport with people, as these connections are cultivated differently. Some people might just want the companionship of sitting together and watching a movie in silence. For others, you may need to navigate deep into their psyche, talk through their issues, and earn their trust.

That’s why it’s important to treat everyone as a potential friend, simply because you don’t know who you’ll establish rapport with, and who will remain as an acquaintance. Either way, here are some tips to help you build rapport with people.

Be genuinely interested in knowing the person

After showing a genuine interest in people, I started to notice how it translated into my social relationships.

Most people never really get an audience to talk about themselves, as everyone wants to be the center of attention. When meeting someone for the first time, acknowledge that you are speaking to this person to understand them. Any self-centered demeanor is like a bad smell. Your intentions will be exposed, so make sure that they’re positive.

Your interactions should revolve around discovering the other person and getting to know them for who they are. When you genuinely want to learn about them and listen to them without injecting your agenda, that’s when people feel acknowledged.

Ask the right questions

Mostly, rapport is formed through stimulating, lively, and interesting conversation. If you’re only making small talk with people, you’re not going to be breaking that friendship barrier anytime soon. This is why it’s important to ask the right questions.

Ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share more about themselves and their experiences. This means paraphrasing what they’ve said in your own words, to make sure that you’ve understood them correctly. Make the conversation interesting and dynamic, and you’re going to stand out from the crowd.

Be your authentic self

Rapport is established by being authentic. People can’t connect with a false image because there is no substance backing a façade.

By being authentic, you will attract more like-minded people into your life while others will fade away. With that said, express your true identity, and don’t be ashamed of it!

Your shyness, awkward tendencies, and offbeat personality might be what draws certain people to you in the first place. Don’t pretend that you’re someone you’re not because this seldom works in your favor.

Allow yourself to be vulnerable

We tend to wear masks because we’re afraid of what other people might think of us. So we put out a persona that isn’t exactly calibrated with who we really are. But people like to see that vulnerability. It’s what actually triggers positive emotions that make them feel like they’re talking to a real person.

So allow yourself to be vulnerable. Some people might not resonate with you and that’s fine. But other people will resonate with your own unique style, and that’s what matters. That’s where the real friends are made.

Seek out like-minded people

Aim to meet people who are similar to you, regarding their values, interests, beliefs, personality, and identity. If you are seeking out people who are similar to you, it’s going to be easier and feel more natural to bridge deeper connections, because your personalities overlap.

Of course, generally talk to everyone regardless of who they are. But it is easier to build rapport with someone who has some sort of commonality with you, and something to connect over.

Be inviting to others

People are attracted to your energy (or repulsed by it). Therefore, have a vibe that makes people feel comfortable with you. This means that you should radiate an uplifting, positive energy that people associate with good feelings. Therefore, people will associate you with good feelings!

If you can get the energy right, this is a game changer. I would say that my energy is my biggest asset when it comes to creating good connections with people. They pick up on my relaxing judgemental free energy and often open up to me because of that. People may not know who you are, but they will feel you out, so make sure it’s good.

Prove to people that you can be trusted

People need to know that you can be trusted before they let you into their life. Many people have been taken advantage of, exploited, and hurt by other people whom they thought they could trust. You need to make sure that this isn’t you.

Establish trust by keeping everything you speak about confidential, taking care of them, and showing them compassion. Consider them as a real person who has feelings and emotions. Never take advantage of people.

Offer value in some form to the relationship

People want to have others in their lives who can contribute positivity to it. You can offer people value through interesting and fulfilling conversations, make them laugh, help them out, console them if they need it, and show them that you care about them.

Be someone who can make that person’s life a little better in some form, and they will really appreciate it. When you offer value through your social interactions, you become a valuable friend.
The basics of building rapport

When you cross paths with someone and interact with them, imagine the different experiences they have gone through to get to where they are. Think about what their life journey may have been like to have led them to this point in time, with you.

Curiosity is key, and there’s no better way to get to know someone than showing genuine curiosity about their life. This is where the conversational spotlight technique comes in handy. Part of rapport building is to understand that everybody has a life story, despite how different their lives are from yours.

From a clean slate, work to see everyone as a potential friend who you would like to know. If you build a healthy social mentality as a foundation, you will find people from every angle naturally drifting into your orbit, as you do with theirs.

Building rapport in everyday life

Imagine that you go to a local store, whether it’s a library, supermarket, or whatever it may be. You see the shop clerk regularly and have a small chat every time you do. He knows who you are, you know who he is, but there’s still a disconnect.

Perhaps you want to keep it as a professional relationship, perhaps you just don’t really care that much. Even though you know the person, you haven’t built rapport with him because you know very little about their personal life, and haven’t formed any sort of bond.

Now imagine if you hit off this with the person and caught up occasionally outside of the work environment. You are completely transparent with one another, and enjoy each other’s company.
As you’ve had time to chat and open up to one another, he knows all about you, and you know all about him. There is no awkwardness in the communication because you’re not trying to set an impression.

Instead of a shop clerk, you see him as a friend who happens to be working at that particular shop. This is an example of having a rapport with someone because you have a deeper bond.

Rapport building questions

The questions you ask should incite curiosity and give the person something to chat about. They should be open-ended questions that offer that space for something to really talk about what they find interesting.

Generally, your questions should be casual, and similar to something you would ask your friends. Conversation starters are okay, but you want to get a little more personal, otherwise, you’ll be put in the category of small talk. Here are some common questions I ask to get people engaged in conversation:

Where are you from?

How long have you been living here?

What have you been doing today?

Do you have plans for the weekend?

What do you do with yourself?

How is work treating you?

Do you enjoy what you do?

What do you usually do outside of work?

Did you hear about _________?

What do you think about ________?

People love to talk about themselves, so make sure your attention is directed at them, and not yourself.

What to avoid

While building rapport can be a powerful tool for creating strong relationships, there are some common mistakes people make that can blow the interaction including:

Don’t be too eager: While it’s important to be friendly, being too eager can come across as needy which will trigger the person’s red light. Try to strike a balance between being friendly and being respectful of the other person’s boundaries.

Don’t focus on yourself: The harsh truth is that nobody cares about you before you create some sort of connection with them. You’re a stranger to them, so realize that and don’t take yourself too seriously. After all, why should they? Focus on them instead to break through that first barrier.

Avoid being negative: While it’s important to be honest, being negative can create a bad impression. Simply put, you’re not going to be enjoyable to be around if you’re constantly complaining or being negative. Try to focus on the positive aspects of your experiences and avoid dwelling on the negative.

Don’t forget to follow up: Building rapport is an ongoing process, and it’s important to follow up with the people you’ve connected with. Get their social media handle or number. Message them. Take the time to follow up which can help strengthen your relationships over time.
19 May 2023
Social Calibration: Building An Emotional Connection With Others
Your ability to connect with people on an emotional level makes a world of difference to the interaction. To build better connections with people, you need to develop an awareness of how they are feeling. If you don’t, there’s going to be a misalignment.

Have you ever had someone talk your ear off, and they just wouldn’t stop? Maybe you have met people who were too flirty, or touchy, and they just didn’t get the hint that it was making you uncomfortable. These are examples of a lack of social calibration, as these people are failing to recognize your emotional state.

The premise of social calibration is pretty simple. If someone feels uneasy around you, leave them alone. If they feel nervous, don’t bombard them with questions. If they’re angry, back off.

Work with people’s states of mind rather than bulldozing your way through. Seems simple, but there is some nuance here we need to dissect, so let’s get into it.
Why social calibration improves your relationships

Social calibration refers to your ability to connect on the same wavelength as other people. It’s a form of social intelligence that involves your ability to understand, empathize, and calibrate your actions to their state of mind.

A person’s mood constantly fluctuates, and you need to tailor your approach to it. If you continue doing something that makes someone uncomfortable without adjusting your behavior, you are not calibrating with them.

Someone who is not calibrated will cross boundaries and provoke unexpected reactions. They struggle to read the social cues and the energy levels of others. The more proficient you are at navigating people, the more nuance you identify which allows you to create better interactions.

If you walk up to someone who’s in a fit of rage and give them a friendly nudge, they might reciprocate with a punch in the face. Otherwise, if you attempt to have a meaningful conversation with someone who’s in a high-energy state, you’re probably going to bore them to death.

In these particular cases, your approach and the person’s mood are not compatible.

There’s a discrepancy.

If someone is in a very different mood from you, it’s important to adjust your approach to emotionally connect with the person.

Before getting further into it, here are some questions to think about:

You see someone at a party standing by herself and looking anxious. How can you help them feel confident around you?

You make a joke around someone who takes offense. How can you calmly diffuse the situation?

Your friend looks at their phone when you’re talking about politics. How can you pick up their energy levels?

There was an argument, and there’s still a lot of tension. How can you clear the air?

A friend heard some disappointing news and is upset. How can you help her feel better?

Someone is highly invested in the conversation they’re having with you. How can you maintain that interest?

Someone is giving you short responses and doesn’t seem too interested in talking to you. What do you do?

Someone backed off when you gave them a friendly pat on the shoulder. How should you respond?
How to become socially calibrated

Part of what makes social calibration a powerful skill is that it makes people feel understood. They need to feel acknowledged, and like they’re a human being who matters, not a statistic. To improve this skill set, you need to be observant when interacting with people.

Keep an eye on how other people react and what they respond well to. This feedback is important if you want to create a good connection with people and simply glide through the conversation.

If someone is feeling pretty down, you can recognize the signs and act accordingly. By being calibrated you might console the person, lift them, or spend some time holding space for them.

If someone is embarrassed, you’ll recognize that they’re embarrassed and make sure that you don’t point attention toward it. make sure that the person you’re talking with feels understood by you, and it will go a long way.

Identify people’s boundaries

Recognizing boundaries is important if you want to improve your social intelligence. A personal boundary is the point where an action would make them feel uncomfortable. People have different boundaries, as everyone is comfortable with different things.

Learn to recognize what the person you’re interacting with is comfortable with. Maybe certain jokes, gestures, or behaviors make the person feel uncomfortable, and you need to be able to identify when they’re uncomfortable.

Read the social cues

Your ability to read social cues is a big part of social calibration.

Social cues are nonverbal signals that convey a particular piece of information. They come in the form of body language, mannerisms, tone of voice, and expressions. Acting on social cues allows you to navigate social interactions better as they give you green and red lights for certain behaviors.

There are always social cues to pick up which indicate important information about that person. If they look irritated, they likely aren’t in the mood to meet you. If they’re holding eye contact and asking you questions, then they are likely interested in getting to know you.

Pay attention to the person’s body language

Body language is generally an unconscious display of how the person is feeling. Therefore, respond to the person’s body language before anything else, and you will be calibrated in most interactions.

You won’t see someone who is withdrawn or on high alert if they’re feeling confident. They will glide through the space with their shoulders back, strong eye contact, and power in their voice. Their movements will be smooth and graceful, as opposed to rigid and jittery.

If the person faces away from you when you start talking to them, they’re signaling that they don’t want to talk to you. If they appear confident while smiling and laughing, it’s probably a good sign to continue the conversation.

Pay attention to the person’s mannerisms and facial expressions. You can tell a lot about a person without a word being spoken, so pay attention to the nonverbal cues.

What emotions are they experiencing?

Can you tell what emotions the person is experiencing? Are there signs that they’re frustrated, sad, confused, nervous?

Work with the person’s mood rather than forcing your own onto them. People will not respect you if you can’t show any flexibility, and you’re probably going to cause friction with people who are in very different emotional states than you.

Tailor your behaviors to the person’s emotional state and respond to the way they’re feeling rather than pushing your emotional state onto them.

Identify their sense of humor

Everyone has a different style of humor, and understanding people’s humor styles helps you become socially calibrated. You don’t want to come off as offensive, or perhaps withhold when it was unnecessary. Your humor should be calibrated, at least to some degree, otherwise they won’t find you funny.

Pay attention to what makes people laugh, and what comes across as awkward or offensive. Make jokes that you know won’t offend the person you’re telling them to, otherwise, you might come across as insensitive, rude, or strange.

Social calibration allows you to set the dimmer higher or lower depending on the person you’re interacting with. I don’t have the same style of humor with everyone. With some people, I’m quite innocent as I know this style of humor is calibrated with their personality, while I’ll set the dimmer higher with others.

It’s also important to notice how people generally respond to your jokes. If nobody laughs, then you should probably stop making the same jokes. If you get a good response, then it shows you that your style of humor is being well received.

Smoothing social interactions

A friend of mine has some interesting spiritual beliefs, but he is all gas and has no breaks, and would spout everything he knows to anyone who couldn’t care to listen. A store clerk would ask how his day was going, and he would use it as a bridge to talk about the energy of the land.

Another friend has no hesitation about discussing the globalist elites controlling the human race, or finding a way to work it into the conversation, regardless of who it’s with.

There is nothing wrong with their beliefs, but not all conversations are suitable for every person. To be socially calibrated, you need to understand that everyone has different beliefs, interests, and perceptions. Not everyone wants to hear what you have to say, and you need to be okay with that.

I have some strong views on certain topics too, whether they’re political, spiritual, or philosophical. I’m always willing to have a discussion, but I won’t bother with most people, because I know the conversation isn’t calibrated with them unless they prove otherwise. I like to get a feel for who people are before talking about my interests.

Get to know the person’s interests before jumping into something that might not care about. Usually, you can get a feel for what sorts of topics the person enjoys discussing.

If you’re not sure, you can touch on a topic and see how they respond. If they seem interested and ask questions, then by all means go right in. But if you get a negative reaction or the person seems uninterested, steer the conversation in a different direction.

Connect on mutual ground

Learn to navigate the conversation towards areas of mutual interest, and you will keep the connection exciting and dynamic.

The purpose of small talk is to probe the person’s interests. You want to find out what things they’re interested in, and what topics you can both connect over. This is how you calibrate with someone, by finding common ground.

Naturally, you won’t connect over everything. Some more niche interests they might not care about at all. If someone talks to me about football, I have no knowledge or interest in having that discussion, so there’s nothing to connect over. If I talk to that person about shamanic traditions, they probably feel the same way.

That’s why it’s important to find out the topics that you both have a mutual interest in and discuss them. If you mention something about gaming, and the other person has a lot of knowledge about it too, then you have calibrated on a similar interest.

Reading the set and setting

Every place has a collective energy, and it’s just as important to calibrate with that energy as it is to the energy of any person. You can recognize this collective energy as the vibe of a place, and the vibe sets the tone of the environment.

Lively parties will have a different energy to a library or office. If you act like you would at a festival when you’re in the office, you’re probably going to get fired. If you act like you’re at the office when you’re at a festival, you’re going to seem like a downer to other people.

Think about the common purpose that people go to any given place. Do people go to celebrate? Do they go to work or study? Do they go there to worship, or perhaps mourn? Maybe they go to just relax a little where they don’t want to be disturbed. Maybe they wouldn’t be there if they didn’t want to meet people. See how the setting changes things?

If you’re at an event such as a funeral, the energy is going to be quite low. It’s not the best place to be in a festive mood or to want to celebrate. A gallery is generally going to be more of a formal setting. Your etiquette is going to change. You might find yourself chatting about art and philosophy and having conversations of a different nature.

So match the collective energy of the environment. If you’re an outlier it’s going to be much harder for you to connect. It’s important to calibrate with the set and consider how other people are acting inside it.

Recognize what’s socially acceptable

Think about what sort of behaviors are socially acceptable in any given setting. Swearing and laughing loudly with your friends is more acceptable at a bar than at a restaurant where there are families listening to you.

Part of being socially calibrated is to respect other people. So ask yourself, what is socially acceptable where you are? What would be rude to other people? Make sure that your behavior is in alignment with the setting to avoid issues, or being disrespectful.

When you acknowledge the set and setting, while paying attention to the individuals within that environment, this helps you read between the lines and create interactions that are much more meaningful.
19 May 2023
How To Authentically Develop A Sense of Humor
Being funny is a natural part of some people’s personalities, but for others, it doesn’t come so easily.

If you weren’t brought up in a household where humor was a normal part of it, you’re more likely to make people cringe than laugh, but that’s okay!

Everyone can develop a great sense of humor, and see the world in a playful way that facilitates laughter. You can learn how to deliver great jokes by making some tweaks to your perception.

After all, humor is a perception. You can land great jokes, but unless you see life through the right lens, you’re not going to have anything to say.

In this article, we’re going to look at humor from a holistic perspective, so you can view life in a funnier way that promotes genuine amusement and laughter.

Can you improve your sense of humor?

I must confess, I’m not a very funny person. I’m not a stand-up comedian or some naturally funny guy who lights up each room he sets foot in.

So what qualifies me to write an article about improving your sense of humor?

Starting at the baseline as a glue-sucking kid who regularly scared people away, my humor muscle was nonexistent. I was depressed, traumatized, and certainly not the sort of person who would make jokes. God forbid, when I did, I regretted it.

But life has changed a lot for me since then.

When I began to see the light in the world, the joy began to radiate in the form of humor. The dense cloud of despair was slowly replaced by a playful tickle.

Nowadays, humor is a natural part of my life mostly because it feels good and has a positive impact on my social relationships. Not all of my jokes hit, nor am I always in a playful mood, but I’ve learned how to bring joy into the lives of others by approaching this skill set in a slightly different way.

While a sense of humor comes naturally to some people as they’re raised in environments that hone this skill set, everyone can become funnier.

How to be funny

What I’m going to teach you in this article are not jokes as delivering punch lines just won’t cut it anymore. Please don’t do this staged crap that’s plaguing the internet. You won’t get along with people.

Humor is complicated. It’s extremely individual and unique. If you’re trying to act a certain way or say certain things, it’s probably not going to translate well. It’s important to be congruent with your style – With the humor you find funny.

It will be awkward to some people, it will be lame to others. But it will come across as authentic – And this is what moves the needle.

No style of humor will work for everyone. There’s no right or wrong way to be funny.

Improving your sense of humor revolves around your ability to see the world more lightly. Once you see the world in a way that makes you laugh instead of cry, then all you need to do is effectively deliver those ideas to other people.

Why is it good to be funny?

Humor is important as it simply makes your life more fun, and it certainly makes your interpersonal relationships more fun. Being a funny person reflects well on you, and shows that you don’t take life too seriously.

People want to be around others who make them feel good. Therefore, when you make people laugh, they instinctively know you’re good for them, and seek out your company. By making people laugh, they will associate good feelings with you. Furthermore, when we laugh with someone, we are also communicating trust and comfort.

With that said, there have been plenty of studies showing us that laughter has physical and mental health benefits, so there’s no real downside to amusement and humor.

Understanding the foundations of humor

To understand how to improve your sense of humor, we need to look at the foundations of humor.

Learning the foundations of humor gives you a better view of what humor is, instead of shooting in the dark.

Let’s look at some of the core elements of what makes people funny.

Be authentic with your own style

Humor is subjective. What is funny to some people might be rude or ignorant to others. Some people might resonate with dark humor while others prefer playful banter.

No two people will find the same joke exactly alike, which is why you need to develop a style of humor that you resonate with.

As long as you are genuine with a style of humor that you find amusing, your humor is going to come across as authentic. There’s nothing worse than being a try-hard and making jokes that are clearly out of touch with your character. People will feel the inconsistency.

Everyone develops their own weird and wacky styles, so find what works for you, and put it on steroids.

Use a style that comes the most naturally to you, and build upon that style. Don’t be someone you’re not to be funny.

Develop a lens of humor

I’m sure you’ve met people who just always have something to say.

Even if their jokes aren’t funny, they constantly make them. That’s because of their lens. They see the world in a silly way where everything is funny.

This shows you that there is always something funny that can be perceived about every given situation, at every moment. The humor is already there, you just need to find it.

Developing an eye for humor is a perception while delivering humor is a skill.

If you want to improve your sense of humor, it’s going to be much easier if you get into the right state of mind. Once you have a buzz on the inside, it’s going to leak on the outside, and that buzz is contagious.

Stop seeking validation

You behave the way you do because you are stuck behind a wall of filters.

You worry about what you should and shouldn’t say, which tightens you up. It’s difficult to express yourself fully when you’re perceiving through a filter because you’re worried about sounding stupid, being rude, or politically incorrect. Ultimately, you’re afraid of being disapproved of.

You need to strike a balance.

If you have no filter, you might cross a line. But it’s just as bad when you have too many filters on, and prevent yourself from attempting to make a joke at all – Even if you’re contriving something genuinely funny.

If you were once shy or insecure, you may still have these filters. It’s not that you’re not funny, your hit ratio is low because you’re not swinging. The stakes are too high, so you don’t try.

The only way to get over this fear of disapproval – Is to be disapproved of.

Therefore, stop trying to impress people – Aim to impress yourself. You can only desensitize from this fear by putting yourself out there and failing. The more you fail, the easier it will become because you realize that a bad joke isn’t the end of the world.

Practice makes perfect

You will gradually improve your sense of humor by practicing banter in social situations.

Humor is a muscle, and the only way to get better at it is by doing it! By doing it, you’re going to suck at the start. That’s okay, it’s a normal part of the feedback loop.

Try to think about how you can craft jokes, funny ideas, and witty statements using the setting and situation that you’re in right now. Constantly think about how you can contrive amusing mental images and thoughts out of the hand of cards you’re given.

Build this mental muscle, and try to make yourself laugh on the inside. This will probably be a slow process at the beginning, but once you get a roll happening, it will become easier and easier to amuse yourself.

Try to loosen up and be resourceful. Lightness opens to creativity. Through creativity, you improve your sense of humor and find that it starts coming out much more naturally.
Tweaking your sense of humor

Now that we’ve looked at some of the essentials to create the foundation of your funny bone, it’s time to look at tweaking your sense of humor.

Tweaking is the process of actively improving your sense of humor by engaging the feedback loop, reflecting, and modeling after other people.

Here are some things to note.

Be observant of humor

Generally become more observant of social interactions, and see how other people do it.

Pay attention to what works and what doesn’t work for people. Observe situations when someone says something funny, or when people break into fits of laughter.

Perhaps someone said something witty within the context of the conversation. Otherwise, somebody might have delivered a great anecdote that drew others into it. Was it intentional or unintentional? Was it situational, or something they have probably said before?

Are people laughing because other people are laughing and they don’t want to be the odd one out? Don’t copy and paste jokes that people get a good response from, but keep an ear out for what fondles people’s funny bones.

Otherwise to maximize your observational skills, check out the article below!

How to become more observant: An essential skill to excel in your personal growth

Reflect on your jokes

The thought of sitting around thinking about a joke you made might seem lame, but we all do it.

If you make a public joke that bombs, you’re probably going to be thinking about why it sucked to avoid it happening again.

If your joke is great, it’s going to make you feel good, and you’ll probably make more jokes like that in the future.

Reflect on your jokes and spend some time thinking about what could be improved upon. Compare your jokes and gestures to other people’s, and how they were received. Think about what was different about them. Do you notice any patterns in your humor?

The more you pay attention, observe, and analyze humor in every social interaction you have, the quicker you will put the pieces together and improve your sense of humor.

Incorporate other styles of humor into your own

Don’t copy other people’s humor styles because it won’t be authentic, but do incorporate elements that work for others.

There’s probably at least one person you know of that just really hits the spot for you.

Whether this person is a celebrity, TV character, or politician (after all, many are clowns), pay attention to their style of humor. Try modeling after them, and seeing if you can pull off certain elements if it feels right for you.

Some things to take note of are:

What sort of humor does the person have? Is it light, dark, goofy, subtle, random?

How often do they make jokes? Do they seamlessly weave in amusing statements occasionally, or often make blunt, obvious jokes?

What sort of jokes do they make? Are the jokes dark, light, goofy, dry?

How do they deliver those jokes? Think about timing, mannerisms, eye contact, if they use emphasis, etc.
Tips to be funnier

Now that we’ve gotten all the boring stuff out of the way, we can get into the practical suggestions to apply immediately.

Here are some things that you should consider when you’re learning to become a funnier person.

Aim to make yourself laugh first

You have probably encountered people who drop awful jokes, but since they’re so invested in it, everyone finds it amusing.

People get drawn into that silly energy. They aren’t laughing at the joke or comment, they’re laughing with the person who made it.

The game is really to make yourself laugh. Once you make yourself laugh, the energy is contagious and other people will start laughing too.

When you amuse yourself and put your heart into it, your body language, mannerisms, gestures, tone, and all the little bits and pieces will be congruent with that humor.

The result?

You become much more charismatic. Instead of trying too hard, you’re showing others that you’re having fun. Therefore, if you genuinely find the joke you’re making funny, it will probably be received well.

Establish comfort and loosen up

Everyone is a comedian around their best friends because they are comfortable.

They know that they won’t be judged, so they can let loose and be themselves. That’s why you should aim to establish comfort with everyone you meet, and it will be much easier to be yourself.

Rule of thumb, act like you’re around your good mates.

If you are comfortable around the person and are having a great old time, naturally you’re going to make more jokes. Mostly, it’s because you don’t have filters around your good friends. You just say things that are funny to you, and know what nobody is going to judge you for it.

Make your sense of humor subtle

For me, the humor that makes people laugh the most is the type of humor that is very subtle and seems like I’m not deliberately trying to be funny.

When I say something that I think is funny in a regular conversation without emphasizing it, pointing to it, or giving it any special attention, it gives humor the touch of authenticity.

Everyone is used to clowns, and let’s face it, the age of clowning is over. Blown-up and highly emphasized jokes make you seem less skilled at making people laugh. If you have to drumroll up a joke, you’re trying too hard.

Being a little subtle is the way to go.

Slide jokes seamlessly into the conversation like you slide into your crush’s DMs. When you’re subtle, sometimes the joke might fly right over people’s heads, but that’s okay because you’re not looking for attention.

You’re carrying on like it’s a normal conversation. No funny faces, no changes in voice pitch, no dramatic gestures, just jokes that slot right into the conversation.

Don’t force jokes

Jokes should flow naturally when the moment is right. No matter how good you become at seeing through a lens of humor, you won’t make other people laugh unless you learn to deliver it effectively.

Humor is situational, not pre-established. It should be thought up on the spot and delivered seamlessly.

If you’re trying to memorize jokes and rehearse clever phrases, you’re taking the wrong approach. Be witty and slightly silly, not stupid or obvious like you’re talking to children.

Practice delivering jokes in a range of situations, but keep it authentic. Don’t anticipate what you’re going to say, because you don’t know what will happen, or where the conversation will go. When you’re trying to line up a joke, it’s not going to come across well.

You need to be in the moment.

Practice being quick, and if something witty pops up, deliver it. Remember that humor should be situational. The best jokes don’t take much effort, they just roll off the tongue when the timing is right.

Ride your social status

There’s an interesting phenomenon where everyone laughs at the jokes of the cool guy despite how lame they are, and nobody laughs at the nerdy guy despite how good his jokes are.

Have you noticed this?

The reason why people laugh at high-value people is because they want to be liked by them. When someone has a lot of social status, other people tend to laugh with them to show their approval.

When someone is not respected, other people don’t feel any pressure to conform to be approved. As a result, they don’t entertain the jokes, or make any effort to laugh at them.

So what does this say about you?

If you want people to laugh at your jokes, you need to be charismatic. You need to suck them in and be perceived as a high-value person who they want to make a good impression on.

Learning how to raise your social status is a story for another time, and I’ll conveniently link that story below:

How to Raise Your Social Status
28 May 2021