Symbosity

Category: Mental Programming

‘Psychology’ inspects the workings of your mind, to give you knowledge and new ways of changing your mindsets.

  • Self-Accountability: The Higher Road To Self-Empowerment

    I was a victim. The universe seemed to have a personal vendetta against me, people discarded me. I lived like this for years, playing the victim card and wallowing in my misery because a part of me wanted to feel defeated. It wanted recognition. I wanted people to feel sorry for me and hand life to me on a platter, without needing to lift a finger, just feeling sorry for myself.

    But that never happened. Nobody came to my rescue. Nobody seemed to care. Thank god nobody did, because otherwise, I wouldn’t have taken the long road out of the victim mentality by taking self-accountability, and taking my life into my own hands.

    This was the best decision I ever made because my life began transforming in beautiful ways. It doesn’t matter how hard I had it, feeling sorry for myself only made it worse.

    This might not be the message you want to hear. After all, the victim mentality can be a particularly tricky trap to find yourself in, but you need to understand that nothing will change unless you take responsibility for it. If you feel defeated in your life situation, hoping for someone to come to the rescue, you must come to the rescue. The only way to do this is via self-accountability.

    Self-accountability is the practice of taking responsibility for your actions, decisions, and their outcomes. It means to be critically honest with yourself and consistently evaluate what’s going wrong in your life, and how you can fix it. By holding yourself accountable for your life situation, you can finally begin crawling out of this miserable trap that so many of us find ourselves in.

    In this article, you will learn the importance of self-accountability, and how to feel responsible for your circumstances so that you take action to improve your life situation. Feeling accountable for your life is an essential part of anyone who wants to achieve happiness. You simply won’t while you feel at the mercy of the world.

    The importance of self-accountability

    Men having a conversation

    Self-accountability is a staple for personal development. When you hold yourself accountable, you actively reflect on your life and assess your situation which leads to recognizing areas for improvement and taking steps to address them. By being responsible for your actions and their consequences, you become more disciplined, focused, and capable of achieving what you want to do.

    If something goes wrong in your life, instead of pointing the finger, you’ll look at why this happened to you. You will learn from your mistakes and take steps to ensure it doesn’t happen again. During the multiple times I’ve been robbed in my life, at first I played the blame game. I blamed the people who robbed me. I blamed the universe. I deferred responsibility, and you know what this led to? A whole lot more pain.

    By the 3rd time I was robbed, I instantly brought it back to myself. Sure, it sucked, losing your phone in a violent robbery is never fun, but I took responsibility for the situation and wondered how I went wrong. What actions and decisions led to these circumstances, and how could I be smarter about it in the future?

    I learned my lesson, and quickly healed from the incident, rather than marinating in my pain and feeling sorry for myself. This was a much better course of action, but it did require me to put my ego aside and step up.

    But it’s not just learning how to manage ourselves in the physical. Self-accountability also plays a big role in personal development and spiritual growth. Let’s have a peep at some of the ways that self-accountability can aid your personal growth and development:

    • Building Resilience: Feeling accountable for everything you do builds resistance. You will always strive to fix your mistakes and find better ways of doing things. Likewise, you will see through a lens where everything you do is within your control, one way or another, which keeps you moving forward.

    • Sustaining Growth: Self-accountability is important for personal growth. We grow much more slowly when we refuse to acknowledge our failures and setbacks, or what we’re doing wrong. By taking accountability for your life and everything you do within it, you put yourself on a fast track for growth.

    • Enhanced Self-Esteem: You start building your confidence when you feel accountable for what you do. You will realize that you are more competent than you give yourself credit for, as opposed to playing the victim and believing everything is outside of your control.

    • Better Relationships: Self-accountability leads to maturity. If you hurt your partner and brush it off, it’s going to create issues down the track. When you can acknowledge when you’ve made mistakes or screwed up in your relationships, and make up for it, your relationships become much healthier and happier.

    • Increased Productivity: When you feel accountable for your work, you are likely to be more productive. You will continuously look for opportunities for improvement, and this can keep your eyes on the prize without getting discouraged or losing interest.

    Regarding spiritual growth, self-accountability encourages introspection and honesty which allows you to align your actions with your values and beliefs. This alignment facilitates a deeper connection with your inner self and helps you move forward. When you take responsibility for your spiritual journey, you become more aware of your thoughts and behaviors, leading to greater self-integration.

    Someone who struggles with addiction might take ownership of their recovery process by seeking help and making the necessary lifestyle changes. Their accountability not only helps them overcome their addiction but also strengthens their character.

    Likewise, anyone who is creating a business needs to take accountability. They can’t just look at their statistics, blame the external world, and quit. Well… they can, and many people do, but they’re not the people who create successful businesses. Rather, someone who does take self-accountability will evaluate their mistakes and make strategic adjustments.

    By feeling accountable for your life, you set the stage for growth. This is what it’s about, but if you prefer to point the finger because life isn’t going the way you want, then be my guest. Let’s see where it gets you.

    How to develop self-accountability

    Growth mindset

    If you’re stuck in the victim mindset where everything happens to you, it’s in your best interest to take responsibility for it. It can be a long road until you genuinely feel accountable for your experiences, that’s why you need to take one step at a time to develop with frame of viewing your life, and everything you do in it.

    You may struggle to take self-accountability because you fear the consequences of stepping up to the failures that happen in your life. Let’s face it, it’s easy to point the finger, that’s why so many people do it. Nobody wants to feel like they’re messing up, especially if that mistake has repercussions. This is where honor plays a critical role, by being integral to yourself and accepting that sometimes we need to take it on the chin, for our own good. Likewise, some people may be overwhelmed by the situation or not know how to apologize, so they don’t.

    People may also avoid accountability because of their egos. They want to assume that they are always right and that the fault is always someone else’s. In this sense, the ego can be an obstacle, and people with big egos tend to shy away from self-accountability. Ever met someone like this? It’s a real nuisance and they never learn.

    Just to be clear, taking accountability for your work, actions, and life in general is not the same as blaming yourself. Self-blame comes from a disempowered place and can be quite negative. Self-blame is a similar energy to feeling victimized (you can victimize yourself), while self-accountability is empowering. You’re taking responsibility for the results of your actions for the sake of improving yourself.

    Therefore, the energy is different. One is low-vibrational, the other is high-vibrational.

    There are some key ingredients in self-accountability:

    1. Self-awareness: You need to understand your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and decisions. Without an awareness of why you’re doing what you do, you’re bound to continue making the same mistakes.

    2. Self-responsibility: To feel self-accountable, you need to take full responsibility for everything that happens in your life. If you don’t feel responsible for what happens, you’re not going to pick up the pieces, adjust, and improve.

    3. Motivation: You need to feel some sort of motivation to take action and put in the work to improve. You can spiral into blame and resentment very quickly if you don’t work up the motivation to improve.

    4. Honesty: You need to be very honest with yourself because honesty creates transparency. This transparency illuminates what you need to do moving forward. If you aren’t completely honest with your mistakes and setbacks, then you are likely to defer blame and end up doing nothing about it.

    Practical tips to develop self-accountability

    • Set clear goals: Part of being self-accountable is knowing what you’re working towards. If you don’t know what you’re moving towards, how will you know where to improve, and when you went wrong? Therefore, set clear goals, whether they are financial, personal, or spiritual, so you can monitor your progress.

    • Reflect, often: Self-reflection is important because this is when you will gain insights and a deeper understanding of what happened, and why it happened. If you don’t reflect, you’re missing out on crucial information you could use to better yourself.

    • Take small steps: Be consistent with your efforts and take small steps daily towards the things you want to achieve. If you’re not making progress, you’re never going to get where you want to go.

    • Learn to stand up for yourself: One behavioral change you can make is to start standing up for yourself more. After recognizing this feeling, think about what actions need to be taken to empower yourself. What could you do that would make you feel like you’re being treated with respect? Do you need to say something, assert your boundaries, or leave the situation?

    • Stop exaggerating: This is a big one. When we feel like victims, we tend to exaggerate our situations to earn sympathy votes. Be mindful if you tend to stir up little things into big issues. Not everything needs to be an issue, and you need to recognize when you’re turning something into a problem when it wouldn’t be for other people.

    • Take responsibility for your downfalls: It’s important to take responsibility for your mistakes. As long as you keep pointing the finger at other people, or for your misfortune, you’re not going to take back your power. You need to own your mistakes, and when you do the world will no longer be to blame. Your life will be in your hands, as with your failures and successes.

    • Reinforce the idea that you’re not a victim: How are you going to feel powerful in yourself when you believe that other people are responsible for what happens to you? As someone who wants to be empowered, you are responsible for everything that happens to you, even if it wasn’t your fault. Therefore, reinforce this idea so you don’t slip into old patterns.

    • Start being grateful for what goes right: One of the best ways to develop self-accountability is to work on your gratitude. A sense of gratitude for your life will compete against the ‘poor you’ mentality because it’s training you to be grateful for your experiences. 

  • Why You Should Live With Intentions, Not Expectations

    Why You Should Live With Intentions, Not Expectations

    There’s a fine balance you need to strike along the personal growth journey that I see many people get wrong. You want to achieve as much as you can, but avoid creating a forcing current in your life.

    It’s easy to develop an obsession with your growth where the desire to evolve degrades into the need to do better. On the other hand, you can carry yourself through life without any goals, purpose, or ambition, which isn’t in your best interest either.

    Having no intentions leads to a stagnant, unfulfilling life while overshooting leads to stress, worry, and burnout.

    I’ve found that living with intentions but also allowing myself to go with the flow is a good balance to strike. I’m not stressed when things don’t go to plan, because my life journey can’t be anticipated. However, I’m always nudging towards an overarching mission in life which acts as my anchor.

    That overarching mission may or may not fruit. I don’t know when life is going to jerk me in a different direction, and how sudden it’s going to be. All I know is that it will.

    So why fight against life when it takes me down Path B rather than Path A?

    Ultimately I have no say, but as long as I have a deeper purpose steering me through the shifting currents, I feel happy. Living with intentions but not expectations is an act of accepting your life condition in an act of nonresistance – But navigating forward.

    Finding the fine balance between setting intentions and releasing expectations is what I want to address in this article. Getting this right can have a transformative impact on your life journey.

    What does it mean to have intentions?

    Setting intentions

    Intentions act as the steering wheel for your life. They’re the goals you want to achieve, and pertain to the deeper reasoning of why you want to achieve these goals. As your intentions give you a sense of purpose, they are an important component of fulfillment.

    Your intentions are like the guiding principles of your life. They act as your internal compass pointing you in a particular direction and are deeply entwined with your values.

    For example, some of my intentions revolve around living a life integral to personal and spiritual growth. Because I hold this intention so closely, I’ve spent many years exploring different cultures and traditions, different philosophies and modalities.

    My intentions have set the coursework in my life, and illuminated the path I need to walk. Without intending to become a better person, I wouldn’t have carved a life path allowing me to actualize this journey.

    A lack of intentions can result in stagnation because you have no reason to do better.

    Some intentions that are good to hold to your heart include:

    • The intention to be the best person you can be: Live your life striving for growth and self-betterment
    • The intention to do good in the world: Do your best to live a life you can be proud of
    • The intention to be of service: Intend to help people, to heal, inspire, encourage, and grow to achieve a deeper sense of fulfillment in life
    • The intention to learn: Spend your life learning as much as you can, and becoming the wisest person you can

    Are intentions the same as a purpose?

    Your intentions and purpose overlap, but there are nuanced differences.

    Let me explain.

    A purpose implies something set in stone. If you have a purpose, there may not be any conscious decision, and you may not even be aware of it. Intentions imply that there is a choice. You are consciously seeking something in life. You have principles to consciously adhere to, and a deeper motive driving your actions.

    Can intentions become expectations?

    Strong intentions with no counterbalance can be destructive. Imagine driving a car without breaks. You’re bound to crash, rather than if you just slowed down a little and navigated yourself more carefully.

    All gas and no break leads to resistance. Once you start forcing your life in a certain direction, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.

    Even if you do finally get to your goals, can you say you’ve enjoyed the process? What happens when you trade the joy of your life to achieve something that never fruits?

    You might feel like you’ve wasted your opportunity here. Therefore, balance is crucial. It’s important to have intentions, but don’t be so attached to the result that you end up trading your life for it.

    Are expectations helpful?

    Man expecting likes on social media

    Expectations are not helpful. Sometimes they might drive people to achieve more by believing that they will get what they want. But for the most part, having expectations doesn’t serve you.

    That’s not to say you can’t work hard towards what you want, because you should. But it’s important not to be too attached to the result. You can learn more about this in the article below:

    Letting go of the result means having some flexibility, and allowing your life to bring you in unexpected directions. Life is not a predictable journey. If you’re too stubborn with your intentions, you’re going to miss out on new opportunities due to your tunnel vision.

    If you reject change, you’re also rejecting the evolution of your life journey. Just think about it. Is your life right now what you expected five years ago?

    Ten years ago?

    If you’re like most people, probably not.

    Who knows, maybe life will bring you in a direction that’s much more aligned with your true path than what you originally thought.

    So keep an open mind.

    Intentions vs expectations

    Let’s look at the difference between having intentions and having expectations below:

    Intentions

    Setting intentions provides a framework for living with purpose, mindfulness and authenticity – Leading to a more meaningful and fulfilling life. Intentions are beneficial for the following reasons:

    • General sense of direction in life
    • Instils motivation and inspiration
    • Creates clarity
    • Encourages resilience and persistence
    • Creates alignment with values
    • Encourages growth and learning
    • Increased self-awareness
    • Crucial cornerstone to feel fulfilled

    Expectations

    While expectations can provide motivation, it’s essential to approach them with awareness to mitigate their potential negative consequences. Expectations are not good for you because:

    • Creates a sense of need
    • Exacerbates stress and worry
    • Subtracts from being present
    • Leads to disappointment and frustration
    • Leads to resistance to change
    • Can lead to obsession
    • Causes a loss of enjoyment
    • You can become complacent

    How to live without expectations

    Living without expectations doesn’t mean you can’t set your eyes on goals and hope to achieve them. You just want to be careful not to become too attached to the outcome by realizing it may fruit in unexpected ways.

    To stop expecting things in life, here are some things to do:

    • Focus on the process: Focus on the process rather than the outcome.
    • Don’t be entitled: You need to earn your keep in life, nothing is given for free without there being some sort of energetic reciprocity.
    • Be humble: Learn to be more humble about your life situation, and think through a lens that you don’t have anything to prove.
    • Maintain reasonable goals: It’s good to be ambitious but set realistic goals to gradually move forward.
    • Avoid self-comparison: Comparing yourself to others can cause feelings of scarcity. Acknowledge that everyone is on a different journey, and focus on yours.
    • Be more flexible: Allow yourself to take unexpected new opportunities and possibilities
    • Have some resilience: If things don’t go to plan, look for other creative routes to step in a better direction

    Intentions vs expectations in a relationship

    Seeking a loving partner is something we all want – But that desire for love can be corrupted by expectations.

    Don’t expect your partner to be a certain way because it will only put strain on the relationship. Expecting your partner to meet the standards you set may cause your partner self-worth issues if they don’t meet these expectations. It may also lead to your disappointment when true love should be unconditional.

    Instead of casting expectations on your partner, encourage them to grow as a person, as you should be growing too. Lead by example and encourage them to become their best self. This is what creates a fulfilling relationship – Two people growing together but expecting nothing of one another.

    Center yourself around being more genuine in your relationships and give without expecting

    When you stop having expectations in a relationship, you’re bound to have a much more wholesome and fulfilling relationship.

  • Wondering Why Your Life Sucks? Here Are 10 Reasons

    Wondering Why Your Life Sucks? Here Are 10 Reasons

    Feel like your life sucks? Sometimes, it’s going to be unavoidable. 

    We’ve all gone through times in our lives when life just seems completely pointless. It’s a constant struggle, it stopped being fun long ago, and it just keeps on getting worse. So you wonder what you can do to make this journey a little more tolerable.

    And to be honest, it’s a pretty loaded question.

    Seeing life as a disaster is a lens you wear. This is not an objective reality, but for any number or reasons, it has become your reality. But being a lens, you can learn to perceive life in a way that instills joy, optimism, and hope.

    Life can be a heavenly experience, but it can take some work to make that happen.

    Why does life feel pointless?

    Life is a double-edged sword. 

    On one hand, it can be a glum, miserable hole where all roads lead to dead ends. Sometimes you’re going to pivot to this frame, especially when you’re going through a rough patch. But life can be blissful too.

    If your life feels pointless, I would break it down into a few key areas, and look at those:

    • Your belief systems: For me, life didn’t feel meaningful until I developed existential beliefs. Believing that life is a tiny slither of a much greater system makes it feel like I’m here for a reason. Believing that I’m here for a reason filled me with purpose, but you do you.
    • Your mindsets: Your mindsets also play a big part in enjoying life. Many mindsets can drain you, and turn your entire life experience into a hell hole. Other mentalities can elevate your life to a new level, and make it a much more wholesome experience. 
    • Your perception: Your perception determines whether your life feels pointless, or whether you’ve been gifted the most incredible opportunity imaginable.

    If your life keeps getting worse, it’s probably because there are several things that you’re not doing right. Everyone’s life journey is unique, so it’s hard to say exactly what it is, but here we’re going to look at some core reasons why people feel like life sucks.

    10 reasons why your life sucks poster

    You’re not working on yourself

    My life sucked until I realized that competence could be learned. The realization that I could learn how to become whoever I wanted to be blew the cap off my world.

    From that moment, the quality of my life started to increase exponentially as I worked hard to develop myself into someone I was proud of.

    So let me ask you. If you feel like your life sucks, what are you actually doing to fix it?

    Are you pushing yourself to become a better person? Are you developing your characteristics, outlooks, and skillsets? Or are you are you not taking action at all?

    Start working on yourself and take more of an active stance towards your development.

    Embark on a personal growth journey and make the main focus of your life your growth. Understanding that you can become whoever you want to be is one thing, but becoming that person is another.

    Here’s a guide for personal development to get started:

    You’re living in a box

    If you feel like your life sucks and don’t know why, it could be because you’re not exploring who you are underneath these layers of conditioning.

    So your life is ordinary. You work, you eat, and might have some sort of social life. But there’s nothing about your life that makes you want to live it.

    Where’s the mystery? Where’s the intrigue? Where’s the journey of finding yourself?

    A life without a narrative becomes stale. So stop living in a box and start exploring your internal reality. You’ll find that life becomes a much more magical journey when you get into the deeper layers of it.

    Prioritize self-exploration rather than the meaningless pursuit of pleasure.

    Start looking for new ways to explore who you are, and to discover new things about yourself, and the life you’re living.

    Your values are superficial

    If you define success as making a lot of money and wonder why your life sucks, do I really need to explain?

    There’s a strong connection between the quality of your values and the quality of your life. But after you can live comfortably, there’s no correlation between wealth and happiness.

    Potentially you’re barking up the wrong tree if you think money will make you happy, and this is the reward you’re getting. That’s why you need to recalibrate with a deeper meaning for your life and find a true anchor to live by.

    Think about what matters to you, and what makes your life worth living. What is the spark driving you? And if you don’t have one, there’s your issue.

    If you can find a cause that’s worth dying for, that’s where your values are. Use those values as a compass, and move the needle towards them in whatever way you can. 

    Your social life sucks

    If your social life sucks, your life is probably going to suck too.

    Let’s face it, a good social life is such an important key to living a fulfilling life. Simply, we need connections with other people, and the more substantial those connections are, the better we feel.

    But if you don’t have people in your life, it’s no big deal. By working on your social skills, you can create a wholesome social life. Therefore, take it into your own hands, and develop the social life you deserve.

    Start working on your interpersonal skills to build the required competence. The other side of this coin is to throw yourself into social situations where you can gain the concomitant experience.

    Everything you’ve got going in your life is the result of your education and experience. Your social life is no exception. So if your social life sucks, it’s your responsibility to improve it. 

    Start improving your social skills by reading this article:

    You lack vision

    If there’s no overarching purpose to your life, it becomes quite meaningless. How can you possibly feel fulfilled if there is no reason behind the things you do?

    Having a vision in life is a core ingredient to living a life that means something to you. Because life sucks when you are just floating without purpose or reason.

    A vision should be your center of gravity: The reason behind why you’re doing what you’re doing. So if you want to feel more fulfilled, you need to create a vision for your life and identify what a good life looks like for you.

    Visualize your dream life.

    What does it look like? What are you doing? How do you feel? What would the perfect world look like to you, and use that vision to guide you.

    Now, start taking small steps in the right direction, constantly, to achieve that vision.

    You’re a victim

    Your life sucks because you blame the outside world instead of taking responsibility for your life. As long as you stay in a mentality where everything is someone else’s fault, you’re going to feel powerless.

    This is the infamous victim mentality, and I have seen again and again just how detrimental it is for people.

    If you want to have a fulfilling life, it starts by taking responsibility for everything that happens to you, which is the only way to discard this harmful mentality.

    Learn more about the victim mentality here:

    Cultivate an awareness of when you pull the victim card, and just how much you do it.

    With awareness, aim to overturn this mentality by taking responsibility for everything that happens to you, regardless if it’s within your control or not.

    Learn how to do this in the following article:

    Your vibration is generally low

    Getting more into the spiritual, your vibration refers to the quality of energy you’re experiencing.

    Low vibrational energy is associated with suffering, whereas feelings such as resentment, guilt, and shame are low vibrational.

    These are feelings that we see as unpleasant, or undesirable. The more often you experience low vibrational energies, the more your life will suck.

    Your vibration fluctuates, but you can do some things to generally increase it.

    First, it’s important to identify feelings that are low vibrational and feelings that are high vibrational.

    Next, you need to work on healing the underlying causes of low vibrational energies, while consciously pushing yourself to experience more high vibrational feelings like love, gratitude, and compassion.

    You’re not doing the healing

    Unhealed wounds add a glaze of disappointment to your life. Needless to say, the more trauma you have that you haven’t yet processed, the more your life is going to suck.

    This is what it simmers down to.

    The more wounded you are emotionally, the more difficult life is going to be. On the other hand, the more healed you are, the more amazing life is going to be, regardless of what you’re experiencing.

    If you have put off your emotional healing and complain that life sucks, you need to focus on doing the inner work.

    Healing is not a straightforward road. It’s complicated, it’s messy, and it takes a lot of time.

    But as long as you set your eyes on your healing, and look at what you can do to make progress on your hidden traumas, you’re on a path to make life much less sucky!

    You can get started with this article:

    Your life is boring

    Let me make this very clear. Your life sucks because it’s boring! You do the same things and fall into the same patterns. But let’s face it, your life isn’t all that exciting.

    Luckily, your life doesn’t need to be boring. Your life can be eventful, adventurous, and spontaneous as long as you take initiative.

    Stop living a boring life, and make the most of the time you have.

    You need to spice things up a little. It doesn’t need to be anything drastic, but change won’t come for you unless you seek it out.

    Start with the little things. Go to new places, meet new people, and seek out new events. If it’s in your means, travel for a while.

    Do things that are out of the ordinary for you, more often, and you’ll feel the spark return to life.

    Your thoughts get the best of you

    The beliefs that you cement become the reality that you inherit. Your thoughts have power, and if you’re constantly thinking about how bad everything is, you’re going to live in a negative world.

    You can see your life as a heaven or hell depending on how you frame your reality. This is why it’s important to work on your belief systems to see life in a better light.

    Remember that every cloud has a silver lining. In every disappointment, there is an opportunity. So look at life in a way that instills positive emotions, and it’s going to be a whole lot easier to navigate.

    What you focus on becomes a core part of your reality.

    If you’re constantly thinking about how much people suck, or how much your life sucks, you’re going to reinforce that idea, and guess what? Life will suck!

    But if you start affirming a more positive reality to yourself by reinforcing more joyful ideas, eventually you’re going to believe them.

    This may take some time to turn over your perception, but to get started, check out this article:

  • How To Overcome The Poverty Mindset

    Have you ever thought that the scarcity you experience in life, whether it’s physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual, actually stems from the mind? We are only as rich as our minds allow us to be. If you’re trying to attract abundance into your life, but you have a poor mind, it’s never going to happen.

    This is why we need to address the poverty mindset.

    The poverty mindset is a harmful perception of life that paints the world in a frame where there’s never enough to go around. It’s a view of scarcity and a belief that we must struggle to have our fair share.

    The poverty mindset perpetuates feelings of need and further brings you away from being content with what you have. It’s a low vibrational energy that attracts more of the same (struggle) and repels abundance.

    What’s worse is that while you harbor a poverty mindset, chances are you’re not going to make anything of your life. You bow out of the race before it has even begun, and wonder why you’ve gotten nowhere.

    Here we’re going to dissect this degrading mentality so that you can better understand it, get rid of it, and build up better mindsets that lead you to abundance.

    Poverty mindset diagram representing the downward spiral to scarcity

    A poverty mindset is often formed during youth from the belief that money is scarce, regardless of how much you have. Maybe you never got what you wanted as a kid, or perhaps you were regularly told how expensive everything is, or that money doesn’t grow on trees.

    So you grow up drilling in the belief that money is disproportionately precious, a finite resource, and this warps your perception of abundance. As you get older, you unconsciously reinforce this belief until you get caught in a self-perpetuating cycle where you never have enough to be happy.

    This creates a low vibrational energy, which manifests low vibrational experience. But we’re only looking at the material aspect. Abundance is more than your material condition, it’s a high vibrational state of consciousness expressed through your beliefs, attitudes, and feelings.

    The years I spent living in Vietnam were a real eye-opener. Especially when riding through the Northern Mountains and passing through tiny villages, I met a lot of people who had so little, but their cups were so full.

    Many of the residents lived in small adobe huts or run-down concrete shelters. Mostly, they were farmers who didn’t have a whole lot to show for their lives, at least not from a materialistic perspective.

    What struck me was their friendliness. The villager’s kindness and generosity were unmatched. While passing through, many would invite me into their homes, share food with me, offer a place to sleep, and give me all the happy water I could handle.

    They laughed, sang, and just seemed genuinely happy about the little things in life, such as seeing a foreigner well out of his natural habitat.

    These people are not poor. They are some of the richest people I’ve ever met. They are abundant, perhaps not materially, but emotionally.

    This shifted something in me. I’ve spent most of my life feeling inadequate. I’ve always been on a goose chase, chasing things because I believed that wealth was the key to abundance and that abundance was the path to happiness.

    Since then, I’ve questioned my perspective on abundance which has made some pretty dramatic shifts in my life.

    What is the poverty mindset?

    Poverty mindset

    The poverty mindset is a limiting belief system where you feel like you’re lacking, despite how much you have. It’s a frame of scarcity: The idea that there is a finite amount of resources that you can have and that you’re fundamentally separated from them.

    People who see through a lens of poverty tend to experience life in a way where their success comes at someone else’s failure. And that your failure is due to someone else’s success. It’s the classic ‘there’s not enough pie for all’ scenario.

    Just to be clear, having a poverty mindset doesn’t necessarily relate to your financial position. It’s a perception of life where there isn’t enough to go around. When you break this limiting belief system, your life becomes more fruitful. This is when you feel more wholesome, and it also sets a better mental infrastructure to attract more material abundance into your life.

    Seeing life in a frame of scarcity is a limitation as you see all the red flags but none of the green. It’s a pessimistic way of thinking that manifests a negative life experience through emotions such as jealousy, guilt, worry, stress, shame, hopelessness, self-victimization, and self-pity.

    When in this state, you’re likely to miss opportunities or to push them away, either consciously or unconsciously. Instead of seeing the world as your oyster, you can never get ahead because you hold yourself back.

    This causes stagnation and acts as a major barrier to growing into your best self and manifesting your dreams. Not to mention, the poverty mindset is just a generally disempowering state of mind that pushes away abundance.

    Characteristics of a poverty mindset

    lens of poverty and misfortune

    Now that you have a conceptual framework of what the poverty mindset is, how do you know if you have it? What are some symptoms of the poverty mindset, and how will this inadvertently affect your life?

    Here are some common traits and characteristics of people who have a poverty mindset.

    1. You compare yourself to others

    Rather than focusing on your own journey, you tend to notice what other people have which makes you feel like you’re lacking because you don’t have those things.

    2. You have a fear complex

    You tend to worry about what could happen, and you concern yourself too much with hypotheticals rather than actual outcomes.

    3. You focus on what you need

    Instead of focusing on what you have and how fulfilled you are to have those things, you’re always looking at what you don’t currently have, which creates a constant sense of desperation.

    4. You are strife with jealousy

    Instead of celebrating other people’s success, you get jealous or even resentful when people achieve something that you don’t have.

    5. You make up stories about your failures

    You tend to create stories about why you’re disadvantaged or why you can’t succeed in life. For other people who become successful, there will always be an outstanding reason why they’re successful.

    6. You are worried about your achievements

    Your hyper-focus on achieving things takes you away from what you already have. This leads to competition and the mentality that there is not enough to go around.

    7. You are a victim

    You believe that you’re a victim of the world. Life is unfair, and you’ve just gotten the bottom half of it. Since you’re a victim, you dedicate yourself to being a bystander in your life.

    8. You tend to overvalue material things

    You likely believe that having things is the epitome of success. So you place a lot more value on external things rather than intrinsic qualities such as gratitude and family.

    9. You focus on the risk

    You have an aversion towards taking action because you always think about the risk, and what could happen if things don’t work out.

    10. You tend to chase pleasure

    Rather than focusing on more wholesome, substantial states of consciousness, you’re concerned with momentary pleasures by getting the next shiny thing.

    11. You think wealth will solve your problems

    Part of a poverty mindset is believing that wealth is the key to all the good things in life. If you have more wealth, you’re successful.

    12. You believe that resources are scarce

    You believe that everything is finite, and that other people gaining something takes away from you, or your opportunities. This drives you to be more careful, and potentially competitive because you feel that you need to fight for equality.

    What is an example of the poverty mindset?

    First off, you need to change the way you see things if you actually want to experience abundance. As long as you’re caught in a frame of scarcity, you’re not going to attract abundance into your life.

    Below are some examples of perceiving a situation through a frame of abundance vs a frame of scarcity. Use this table to reflect on your own life experience, and look at where you need to make some adjustments.

    Situation Abundance mindset Poverty mindset
    You broke up with your partner You know that more amazing people will come into your life which opens up exciting new opportunities to find someone who you more deeply align with. You desperately hold onto something that has moved on, believing that you’ll never find anyone else like the person you were with.
    You were let go from your job You gained valuable experience which will help you find an even better job in the future. While you may be upset, you are looking forward to the new opportunities that this opens up in your life. You start worrying about not having a job, or not being worthy of a job. This leads to anxiety and stress as the future looks uncertain.
    You got some valuable information You want to share it with others and get their perspectives. If it helps them succeed, vicariously, you feel good. You want to keep it to yourself and avoid sharing it with other people. You had to find out yourself, why can’t they?
    Analysis of your living condition The location is very central and in a great part of town. The house is cozy. You have everything you need to live a comfortable life. The house is too small, old and noisy. You’re not in your ideal home by a long shot, and you won’t be fulfilled until you get it.
    Working on an avocation You have a vision of what you can achieve if you put in the work. You realize that there is no reason why you can’t succeed, so you continuously work towards your dreams You believe there is way too much competition, and that only people who are extremely talented can make it. As a result you’re likely to give up, or never take it seriously in the first place.
         

    How to break free from the poverty mindset

    Money is an advantage, it’s not a game changer.

    If you have a lot of disposable income, you can live a nice cushy life, but that’s not going to make you any happier. It’s important to value things that truly matter for your growth, well-being, and wholeness.

    Never forget that happiness is an internal condition. If you’re trying to buy happiness, you’re barking up the wrong tree. So please, do the inner work. Go inside, not outside, and you’re going to make your life a much better place to live.

    Life isn’t a get-rich-quick scheme. You need to work for it. And it’s the work that you put into your life that makes it worth it.

    So instead of chasing money, focus on the process that is used to make money. As an example, if you’re a content creator or aspiring to be one, actually enjoy making content rather than trying to become successful through it.

    This applies to anything you do. Do it because you genuinely care about it. If you fill your cup with more things in life that nourish you, it’s going to benefit you in more ways than one.

    Sometimes you have to stretch yourself a little as abundance is a bit of an oxymoron. You get more by giving more.

    Chances are, you rarely give. If you see a homeless person, do you give them a bit of cash, or tell yourself that you can’t afford it, even if it’s just a dollar? Do you give your time and energy without expecting a reward? What about donating to causes that you care about?

    Here’s the thing. You need to give to get. You need to break the cycle of poverty by taking the first step. Remember, the universe matches your vibration, not the other way around. So if you adopt the feeling of generosity and giving, you’re going to receive more in the form of positive emotions, feelings, outlooks, opportunities, people, and things.

    Ultimately, you need to work on the poverty mindset in small doses regularly, because whatever you enforce into your reality becomes your reality.

  • Cognitive Reframing: How To See Things From A Different Angle

    Cognitive Reframing: How To See Things From A Different Angle

    When something happens in your life, it’s an objective reality. How you experience the situation on the other hand – is not. You can elicit positive emotions from almost anything that happens to you by framing it in a way where it serves you in some form.

    A breakup can destroy you. You might spend months mourning this horrible loss that left an uninvited wave of devastation in your life.

    Although it’s natural to go through the motions, can you see this situation through a different lens where it not only makes you feel better, but empowers you? Was the relationship ideal? Could you see yourself settling down with that person? What new opportunities does this open up to you now?

    Even though the event objectively happened, how you look at it evokes a different set of emotions. Just from having a different perspective about the same outcome, you might feel a very different way about the situation.

    This is cognitive reframing, and it’s just one example of how mentally pivoting to a different point of view affects the reality that you experience.

    What is cognitive reframing?

    Lake

    Cognitive reframing is a technique where you change your view of any perceived negative event to see it in a way that makes you feel better. The purpose of cognitive reframing is to change painful beliefs that hurt you into constructive beliefs that serve you.

    We’re masters at jumping to conclusions, and those conclusions are often in the dimmest light. But what if you could assume something that makes you feel better about the situation?

    Let’s say you were chatting with a romantic interest whom you felt a good connection with, and suddenly that person stopped responding.

    Your first instinct might be to believe that you’ve done something wrong, or that there’s something wrong with you. But what if you framed it in a way where the person is just too busy to date and doesn’t have the energy to respond, rather than take it as a personal attack? 

    Which assumption in this situation makes you feel better? Is it a problem with you, or it’s a problem with them?

    So instead of assuming the worst, cognitive reframing is to recognize when you’re assuming the worst about something, and logically changing your outlook of the situation to elicit better feelings.

    You don’t have all the facts for most situations, meaning that the truth is left to the narrative of your mind. You can fill in the blanks in a way that hurt you, or create a narrative that put you at ease.

    Understanding cognitive distortions

    The mind is a funny thing. So often it works against us to make out a situation to be much worse than it actually is. In your mind, a failure might feel like the end of the world. A painful emotion might make you feel completely worthless. Little things that happen can be blown out of proportion to cause a lot more pain than they should, and this is an issue.

    When you’re perceiving something in a way that is very inaccurate to the reality of the situation, this is a cognitive distortion. It’s called this because you’re distorting a situation to be worse than it is.

    The cure to cognitive distortions is rational thinking. As long as you rationally weigh up the situation and accurately assess it, your emotions will follow suit when you realize it’s not too bad.

    Part of cognitive reframing is to recognize cognitive distortions and to bring them back to reality.

    Here are some common forms of cognitive distortions:

    • Overreacting: Blowing up a situation to be more severe than it really is
    • Fixation: Only focusing on the negatives and neglecting anything positive to come from it
    • Generalizing: Applying past experiences to all situations that are alike
    • Catastrophizing: Anticipating that something terrible is going to happen without doing anything about it

    Four steps of cognitive reframing

    Cognitive reframing

    1) Write down the situation

    Start by writing down the situation that’s causing you to feel a certain way. Write about your feelings, and what’s causing them. Try to identify what exactly is causing those painful feelings.

    If a particular situation is causing these feelings, dig into the situation. What are you feeling and why does it matter?

    Really try to get to the bottom of it to determine what the actual issue is.

    2) Identify your thoughts and feelings

    Draw a T and write down all your thoughts in one column, and feelings in the other.

    Pay attention to the actual feelings that are being stirred up by the situation. Are you feeling resentment, guilt, anxiety, worry, shame? Sink into those emotions and write down all the feelings you’re experiencing

    In the second column, write down your thoughts. What are your worries, fears, predictions? What tormenting thoughts are you experiencing?

    3) Evaluate the narrative

    Think about the evidence or information that both does and doesn’t support your theory. If you’re thinking someone doesn’t like you because they don’t make an effort to talk to you, write down evidence supporting this claim, and evidence that doesn’t support it.

    This could include things like:

    • They are generally welcoming to me
    • They are introverted
    • They have invited me to things before

     

    4) Create a new narrative with the information

    Now weigh up the information to determine how rational your thoughts and feelings are. Determine how accurate your narrative is, and replace it with a new narrative that is more accurate to the tangible evidence you wrote down in step 3.

    Using the new information, create a narrative that makes you feel more at peace with the situation. Reinforce this new narrative until you genuinely believe it, and it seems like the most realistic option.

    Reframing situations in a better way

    Choice, cognitive reframing

    Every situation is subjective because perception is a personal phenomenon – no two people experience it the same as one another. 

    Imagine you encounter a dark night of the soul where your life feels like it’s falling apart. When you’re feeling this way, you can see the situation as only doom and gloom, that you’re a victim and god hates you.

    But what if you saw this as an opportunity? Instead of seeing it as the end of the world, you look at this challenge as a deeply transformative process that you’re fortunate to experience. Sure, it’s not easy, but you know that you’re shedding things that no longer serve you and expanding your consciousness.

    Suddenly, there’s a silver lining to the situation that you may not have noticed before. And by really feeling into the good of the situation, you leverage the situation to grow from it.

    Avoid worst case scenario thinking

    Naturally, we tend to focus on the worst-case scenario, which can lead us into negative spirals.

    Everything has a silver lining. Seeing that silver lining is what creates optimism because there is always some good to come out of any given situation, whether you recognize it or not.

    The big advantage of an optimist is that they will always see the bright side of any situation. Things might get ugly, but they will look for a way to find the beauty in it. You can always look at the good, so make a habit of doing so.

    Challenge your thoughts and beliefs

    Recently, I left behind my nomadic life and felt like I regressed a huge amount. Suddenly, I was back living with my mum, with no money, no car, and working in a cafe. I did not feel good about my life.

    My mind would constantly jump to the disempowering victim mindset.

    Poor me, I’m so lost, things are not going well for me.

    I would start spiraling downhill and get into a dark frame of mind, but every time I started cycling down into self-pity I caught myself. I challenged my beliefs. I disputed what my ego was telling me, that I’m a loser and I’ll never have a good life.

    Instead, I reframed the situation in a way that this is good.

    I’m not paying rent. I can make quick easy money. I don’t have distractions such as too many friends or dating which allows me to focus on my avocations. I get to spend time with my family, and this situation is temporary. Sure, the situation isn’t perfect. But is any situation perfect?

    When I view it in a way where this is actually what I need right now, and this situation is giving me the incentive to meditate more, take courses, and focus on my work, I feel much more at peace.

    So make sure you challenge the thoughts and feelings that pop up and give them a run for their money.

    Look at the higher perspective

    If something is happening in your life that you don’t enjoy, ask yourself why it’s happening. Instead of getting caught in survival mode and exacerbating the situation, think about the higher perspective.

    Why is this situation happening to you? What are you supposed to learn from it?

    Looking at the higher perspective has helped me get through some challenging situations in my life. Mostly I give credit to my existential beliefs because I do believe there’s a higher power, and that destiny is real.

    So I’ve learned to lean on these beliefs when things are difficult. Instead of falling into this painful cycle, I step backward and look at the bigger picture of why it’s happening in the context of my life.

    Don’t fake the feelings

    Looking at something from a different angle is done by taking something comparable on both sides and focusing on the positive aspects. It’s a way of consciously manipulating your outlook of a subjective event, to a positive perception.

    But you do want to be a little careful of toxic positivity here, which is to suppress negative feelings by focusing on the positives. You want to be genuine with your feelings, but when you’re authentically seeing things in a way that draws positive emotions, it can help alleviate negativity.

    Reframing is not the same as escapism. Escapism is trying to avoid a negative situation, while reframing is about reinterpreting something more healthily. It’s important not to be naïve, but to also not be paranoid by assuming the worst.

    With that said, cognitive reframing is not about pretending to be happy. It’s not about avoiding a situation or smearing it with a facade of light. Cognitive reframing is about genuinely seeing a situation in a way that instills better feelings, and supporting this idea with logic and reason.

    Adding context to things you witness

    Imagine you see a car speeding down the road. The car cuts someone off and doesn’t give way when they should. Witnessing this reckless activity will initially make you think that the driver is an asshole, which instills feelings like anger and resentment.

    Even though the driver could just be an asshole, you have no context to the situation. You jumped to a conclusion and never considered other possibilities. Since you have no context, your mind creates the narrative for this story, and the narrative you create is what makes you feel a certain way.

    There is no way to tell whether the driver frantically driving someone to the hospital, or panicking because they’re late for an important event. Perhaps the person wasn’t aware and it was an accident.

    Of course, this is no excuse for their behavior, but do any of these scenarios make you feel better than assuming that the person gets a kick out of making people angry?

    We only get a small amount of factual information from everything we experience, but tend to make everything out to be something bad. But you have no idea. It’s left to your narrative.

    So be aware of the narratives you create from anything you witness, and build the most logical conclusion instead of automatically filling in the context based on your previous experiences or prejudices. 

    Leverage painful events for your growth

    How you perceive difficult situations in general is an important part of cognitive reframing.

    I used to hate anything that challenged me. If I could have, I would have lived a very comfortable life where I never had to stretch myself. But thank god the universe gave me a boot up the ass and showed me that wasn’t an option. And because of that, I saw the other side.

    So what did I learn?

    Pain is a corridor for growth. The more you’re challenged in life, the more things you experience, the more you grow as a person. As there is a direct correlation between growth and happiness, believe me when I say it’s worth going through some struggles to gain that juicy wisdom.

    So I challenge you to adopt this belief if you haven’t already. Instead of having an aversion to difficulty, look at how those difficult moments can serve your growth as a person. Ask yourself what you can learn when life is hitting hard, and how these lessons can make you a stronger, wiser, better person.

    The way I see it is that every time something goes wrong, it’s an opportunity to explore myself. You will have a natural failsafe because when things are looking down, a piece of you will kick into action and look at the opportunity within the situation.

  • Your Life Story Becomes Your Reality. Time To Change It!

    Hi, I’m Daniel.

    I’ve always struggled to make lasting connections with people, and could never figure out why. I have lived an unfortunate life where the odds have always been stacked against me. Since a small child, I have always been the underdog. I’ve had to struggle with everything just to keep myself going.

    But hold up for a moment…

    Is this the reality of the situation? Or is this a contorted sob story I’ve been reinforcing my entire life, to the extent I have completely identified with it? Sure, I’ve been through hardships, but maybe I’m painting a picture that isn’t in my best interest.

    So what if I told myself a different story?

    Hi, I’m Daniel.

    I was once very miserable, however, I have lived a beautiful life filled with healing, adventure, and wonder. I was once socially deprived due to my incompetence, but I learned how to be good with people. Sure, I’m not perfect, but let’s be honest, I probably live a more socially abundant life than most people.

    I am grateful for my struggles as they have opened my consciousness to a new dimension of experience. I certainly wouldn’t be walking the path I am today without acquiring the necessary wisdom. I’m living the life I have always wanted, and even though it’s challenging at times, there’s nothing else in the world I can see myself doing.

    Now this is the reality I have created for myself. This is the story I choose to tell myself because at the end of the day, life is a subjective journey. We may have objective experiences, but these experiences can be interpreted however we want. Life is a canvas and we are the painters.

    You may not have control over your reality, but you have control over your narrative. You can have an extremely difficult life, yet a beautiful narrative. It’s the narrative that makes you feel at peace with your life, and find meaning in it. The proof is in people who have devastating lives, yet happy lives.

    They chose to write a happy life story. So what story do you tell yourself? Is it a story that oppresses you, or liberates you?

    Experience is the framework, story is the substance

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    You can look at your life from many different angles. Some of these perspectives are going to cause you a lot of struggle, while others will fill you with optimism.

    The events that happen in your life are objective, but the experiences that these events create for you are not.

    Over time, we use our experiences to build a story about who we are, and where we fit into all of this. Depending on how you look at your life experience, that’s the experience you’re going to create for yourself.

    First of all, your beliefs do matter.

    Your beliefs influence your thoughts.

    Your thoughts influence your emotions.

    Your emotions influence your decisions.

    Your decisions influence your life experience.

    If you believe that your life is a constant struggle and you have it so much worse than everyone else, do you think this is going to instill positive thoughts and feelings, or negative thoughts and feelings?

    Since those painful thoughts and feelings are low-vibrational energy, unconsciously you will act in particular ways and make decisions that aren’t in your highest interest. You can see how you can get sucked into this negative place in life, just from the way you perceive it.

    This is why it’s important to create a life story where you are the hero of your life. You are persevering, courageous, and doing your best. You must write your narrative in a way where it’s certainly not over, it’s just beginning.

    You are not a loser, you are not a failure. You are doing your best, and step by step, making your life a little better. It may be a long road, but it’s a fulfilling one. So don’t lose sight of who you are, and what you’re shooting for.

    Elements of your life story

    A few core pillars create your life story:

    1. Your beliefs
    2. Your thoughts
    3. Your attitudes
    4. Your emotions

    Unlike the events that occur, these pillars are all subjective. Put these all together, and your subjective life experience is created.

    If you lose your job, that’s a fact. This is an objective reality you need to face. However, depending on how you view losing your job, the experience is very different.

    If you see losing your job as a terrible thing that causes fear, worry, and uncertainty, your experience is going to be negative. On the other hand, if you see a silver lining, and perhaps opportunity, adventure, and excitement in this transition, then the experience you have may be very different.

    Perhaps you’re thinking about the opportunity and the freedom. Sure, it’s natural to worry, but if you have faith that things will work out and use this experience as a catalyst, it can be pretty exciting. Maybe you can perceive this situation as a positive life change you’ve needed but haven’t had the guts to pursue.

    Your life is the events that have happened, your life story is your perception of what those events meant.

    Your beliefs

    Your beliefs are what you think about the world. Your beliefs refer to your unconscious programming about how the world works, and what your life experience must be.

    • Do you believe you can do anything in the world if you really apply yourself, or that nothing will work out for you, despite how hard you try?
    • Is everything a challenge to you, or does life seem easy?
    • Is the world generally a dark place, or is it an incredible opportunity to be experiencing this?

    Your thoughts

    What you think about is tied to the other pillars of the frame. The quality of your thoughts influences the quality of your reality.

    • Are you constantly thinking about how you can make something work, or about all the ways it could go wrong?
    • Do you think about all the hardships, or everything that is good in your life?
    • Do you think about what you want in life, or what you’re trying to avoid?

    Your attitudes

    Your attitudes reflect how you react, respond, and think about different occurrences in your life. Your attitude is more of a conscious mechanism, while your beliefs are generally unconscious, and run in the background.

    •  Are you optimistic that things will work out, or do you assume it’s going to go bad?
    • Do you think it’s a waste of time, or do you think it’s a good learning opportunity?
    • Do you give everything the benefit of the doubt, or avoid opportunities because you’re uncertain about them, or they make you nervous?

    Your emotions

    Your emotions are how you feel about a particular event that has happened to you.

    • Does it makes you feel shame, or pride?
    • Are you grateful that it happened, or are you disappointed?
    •  Do you feel hope, or do you feel like giving up?

    You become attached to a particular identity

    Burnout

    Over time we form an idea of who we are, based on the experiences we have had. This idea of who you are becomes your identity. This is your understanding of who you are, and what your life experience means to you.

    Your identity concretes your sense of belonging and helps you find where you fit in this world. But it can also be a big source of pain, or it can empower you.

    So if your identity is unempowered, where you believe you’re a nerd, or a loser, or an insecure train wreck, that’s the reality you’re going to build for yourself. How can it not be when that belief system becomes your whole world?

    Unconsciously, you’re going to keep yourself in that particular frame. Luckily, your identity is never actually consolidated. We think it is, but we can make a mental pivot.

    The more you reframe your experiences in a positive way that empowers you, the more your identity is going to shift to higher ideals.

    You’re constantly reinforcing your identity

    You’re constantly reinforcing a particular identity because you get deeper into believing that your beliefs are the objective truth. If you feel like you’ve been taken advantage of, you will look for reasons why you’ve been taken advantage of.

    If you identify as a failure where no matter how hard you try, the big bad world will always knock you down, then you’re going to keep having these experiences, and you’re just going to get more and more engraved into that belief system. In a way, you’re going to construe an objective reality to suit the story you tell yourself.

    So you keep reinforcing an idea, that you’re a victim, or that people don’t like you when you’re just twisting it to an extreme.

    Not saying that people aren’t victims at times, but whether we see ourselves as victims of life, or creators of our realities also has a huge influence over our life experience.

    How do you frame your life story?

    Now that we’ve looked at some of the core ingredients that make up your story, you need to work on changing it.

    If you believe that you have always had it hard, can you see it in a way that the hardship has been preparing you? Without those difficult lessons, you wouldn’t be pushed to evolve as a person. Can you tell a story where you’re just starting your journey, rather than winding down and propping up the white flag?

    Your story is your life.

    So if you don’t create a story that you’re proud of living, what chance did you ever have in the first place? Remember. This is your life. You decide how it shapes you, and what it means to you.

    And when you create a story that you’re happy to tell, that’s when you’re really going to start that wave towards all your greatest desires.

  • Are You Victimizing Yourself? Here’s What to Do About It

    Are You Victimizing Yourself? Here’s What to Do About It

    Do you feel as if your failures are due to other people holding you back? You think it’s unfair because other people are always sabotaging your happiness, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.

    Many of us have been there.

    Sometimes life isn’t fair, and it sucks. But sometimes you have to admit, that it’s not about other people at all, nor is it because you’re just unlucky. You feel deflated because you’re not taking accountability for what happens in your life.

    There’s a fine line between being a victim and believing you’re a victim. When you make out every situation like you’re an innocent bystander rather than the creator, and facilitator of your reality, you will never have any power. You will always be a pushover.

    If you want to take your power back, it starts by taking responsibility for your life experience.

    So we’re going to look into this devious mentality to look at the core roots of your pain, and what you can do about it.

    Why the victim mentality needs to go

    Victim mentality

    The victim mentality is a disempowering mindset where you consistently see yourself as a victim of your circumstances. Because of this outlook, you always feel unfairly treated by others, when this isn’t necessarily the case.

    People who have a victim mentality tend to blame external factors for their issues. They shy away from responsibility under the guise that it’s never their fault. No matter what the problem is, it’s someone else’s fault, therefore, someone else must fix it.

    Because people with a victim mentality are always pointing the finger, they tend to believe that they have no control over their lives, and their life is the consequence of other people’s actions.

    This is the last thing you want to believe if you want to live your best life, because you need to take your life into your own hands. We are all creators, and the experience we have in life is a direct result of what sort of lives we have created for ourselves.

    The victim mentality leads to disempowerment

    For most of my life, I’ve been a victim. It’s not because people necessarily gave me a hard time, it’s because I always deferred blame instead of working on myself.

    After all, I was miserable. I had some disadvantages growing up, but the problem was not the disadvantages themselves (after all we all have them). I had a problem because I let these disadvantages define me, and blamed everything on them, whether they were related or not.

    I was depressed, lonely, and generally a miserable kid growing up. I didn’t know how to be happy, so the best thing I could do was defer blame. It’s much easier to not feel responsible for your failures.

    So I blamed the world because I was born into the life I was. I blamed my teachers for not teaching me well. I blamed my parents for not doing a better job at raising me. It was always someone else’s fault which trapped me in this miserable cycle where I wouldn’t change because I never took accountability which creates the right conditions for change to occur.

    It wasn’t until I had some major experiences that rattled my life, that I realized my downfall. It wasn’t other people, it was me. After traveling the world for many years and delving deeper into my self-growth journey, that’s when my life took a 180.

    Personal accountability is crucial for the personal development process. If you don’t acknowledge that you have a problem, then they’re never going to change your life. This is why the victim mentality is so dangerous because it strips you of accountability which hinders your personal growth.

    The root cause of the victim mentality

    The victim mentality is a disempowered state where you believe that you have no power over what happens in your life. Due to a lack of self-accountability, people with the victim mentality feel like they’re always the victim of their circumstances when this is far from the truth.

    Even though sometimes you will genuinely be a victim, it’s not good to get caught in the mindset that you’re always a victim, for everything. It’s a bit of a stretch.

    The victim mentality is a coping mechanism. People who have this mentality often form it through trauma that hasn’t yet been healed. This trauma manifests into self-worthiness issues

    Why you need self-empowerment

    self empowerment

    The term victim has become so overused nowadays that many people use it colloquially. There are times when it’s okay to feel victimized because sometimes we are victims.

    This feeling helps us know when we’ve been treated poorly, allows us to recognize injustice, and tells us when to stand up for ourselves. But you shouldn’t let this feeling take control of your life, because it degrades your quality of life and makes you generally unhappier.

    Self-victimization is when you hold onto the idea that you’re always a victim. It’s a low vibrational outlet that resonates with things like scarcity and misery. When you believe that you are a victim, you can bet that you’re going to attract more shit into your life due to your beliefs, your resulting poor conduct with the world around you, and the negative energetic outlet this feeling produces.

    The victimhood mentality is the belief system that you’re not in control of your life, and that you are constantly taken advantage of, in one way or another. When you have this mentality, you are never enough.

    It can hinder personal growth and resilience, as it involves a tendency to dwell on negative experiences rather than actively seeking solutions or taking ownership of one’s actions.

    The victim mentality is a limiting belief system

    The victim mentality is a limiting belief system because it prevents you from taking control of your life.

    If you’re a bartender, you will feel shame because you’re not working a respected job. Once you get a corporate job, you won’t be satisfied because you’re just a worker bee. Even if you climb the ranks, there will always be a better company or a better career field where you’re sure you will feel more secure in yourself. But that sense of security never comes, as long as you remain in this harmful mentality.

    That’s why you need to work on this mentality and cultivate an outlook where you feel empowered, able, and limitless. When you develop a stronger, better outlook, you will find that you attract fewer negative situations, and the quality of your life improves dramatically.

    Victimhood is a low-vibration

    Being in a victim state is a low vibrational outlet that attracts more things into your life that resonate at the same frequency. This means that the energy of victimhood is on the same vibration as feelings such as guilt, shame, and resentment.

    This means that having a victim mentality can be a painful trap. Because you feel like a victim, you attract more situations into your life where you are the victim. Because of these situations, you feel like more of a victim, and around you go.

    This is why it’s crucial to work on this mentality so that you empower yourself to create a better life experience for yourself. When you’re in a high vibrational state, feelings like love, gratitude, and compassion will replace victimhood.

    Victims don’t learn from their lessons

    People who have a victim mentality don’t learn from their lessons. They’re eager to defer blame to other people instead of looking at what they did to create the situation (or the circumstances for the situation to occur).

    This means that someone with a victim mentality won’t reflect. Since it’s always someone else’s fault, and that’s out of their control, they’ll believe that there was nothing they could do, learn from, or improve upon. After all, they’re just the innocent victim, they deserve nothing but compassion and justice.

    Common signs of the victim mentality

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    Here are some common signs of people with a victimhood mentality. Scrutinize the list below and identify whether any of the following behaviors, actions, or thought patterns are familiar to you.

    If you read through the list and recognize some of these behaviors in yourself, this could indicate that you suffer from the victimhood mentality. Self-awareness is crucial if you want to curb this harmful mentality and replace it with better ones.

    • Overdramatization of normal events and situations
    • Refuse to take accountability for any failure or wrongdoing
    • The belief that everything is out of their control
    • Tendency to swap between blame or self-pity, without taking accountability
    • They play the martyr (volunteer to suffer when it’s unnecessary)
    • They feel sorry for themselves
    • Constantly seek sympathy and understanding
    • Self-absorption, and the inability to see other people’s problems
    • You avoid working on your difficulties or looking for a solution
    • Oversensitivity (always look for a reason to be offended)
    • Makes others out to be the perpetrator in any situation
    • Feeling like they’re constantly being taken advantage of
    • General feelings of disempowerment

    Practical steps for self empowerment

    Ego bigger than oneself

    Self-empowerment is the antidote to victimhood, but how do you empower yourself when trapped in this state?

    Self-accountability is the road to self-empowerment. Feeling accountable for your own life and the events within is a big step in the right direction.

    It’s easy to point the finger, but that doesn’t get you anywhere, does it? That’s why I’ve compiled a list of different actions you can take to help you break free from the victim mentality.

    The more aware you become when you’re slipping into the victim mentality, the more you can reinforce healthier actions and behaviors to take your power back.

    Think critically about the situation

    If you have the victim mentality, you’re probably going to spin everything in a way that puts you down. If you get into an argument, you might think that you’re being treated unfairly, while there could be a good reason for it.

    Likewise, if you’re left out of something, you might think that it’s because nobody likes you, whereas it could be for a genuine reason. This can be tricky because someone with the victimhood mentality will justify these feelings of being mistreated, and may think that it’s their fault.

    That’s why it’s important to think critically. Try to discern whether something is a real issue where action needs to be taken, or whether you’re distorting the situation to suit your narrative.

    Identify why you’re playing the victim

    What are you really looking for? Chances are you want compassion and understanding which is completely reasonable. Life has been difficult for you, but nobody seems to acknowledge just how hard you have it.

    And let me be honest with you. Maybe they should. Maybe the world would be a little kinder if we actually saw what other people were going through and took the incentive to truly acknowledge them. But you know what?

    It’s probably not going to happen.

    Most people are so caught up in their own worlds that they don’t open their eyes to others. But you can’t expect them to see what you’re going through, because let’s be honest here, you probably don’t truly see their struggles either.

    So instead of making this a game of finding a way to feel acknowledged and heard for the wrongdoings that have been done to you, realize that you’re probably not going to get it. Seeking sympathy is probably just going to make you more resentful, so you need to do the healing yourself and move on.

    Life isn’t fair, don’t take it personally

    There are two types of people. People who blame others when things aren’t fair, and those who get on with it.

    The fact is life is not fair.

    Things are going to happen to you that are out of your control, and sometimes life will suck. But what good does it do playing the victim? Who benefits from blaming, and hoping the situation would be different?

    The sooner you accept this truth, the better off you’ll be. Life isn’t fair. If you want to take the road less traveled here, you need to acknowledge that you might just be unlucky. If you’re blaming others, it’s not going to lead to anything good. It’s your karma that causes those uncontrollable circumstances. So accept it and move on.

    Take responsibility for everything

    If you want to empower yourself by getting out of the victim mentality, you need to start taking responsibility for everything.

    This means that you need to even take responsibility for things that aren’t your fault, objectively, because they’re affecting your life and you’re allowing yourself to be affected.

    Shifting blame to responsibility is one thing that will actually make a major difference in your life. When you feel responsible for everything that happens, then you can start making better decisions that lead you down a better road. To learn how to see your life in a way that promotes self-responsibility, read the article below.

    Reframe the narrative

    To actually break out of the victim mentality, you need to take accountability for everything that happens in your life. You see that people are caught in their programs, so instead of taking things personally, you realize that it’s from their narrative and not yours.

    When you’re unfairly treated or hurt, you go inward instead of reacting. You observe and think about what action comes from your highest self, rather than acting from emotion and impulse.

    Ultimately you have a mentality that what happens is supposed to happen. If you were robbed, it was part of your life story. If you end up in a narcissistic relationship, you realize that you made a mistake by trusting the wrong person.

    Therefore, being empowered means that you learn from your lessons. If something goes wrong, you think about how it could be avoided next time. If you are taken advantage of, you think about why that happened, and what you could do to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

    Stand up for yourself

    One behavioral change you can make is to start standing up for yourself. The more you assert your own needs and wants, the less people will take advantage of you.

    Every time you feel like you’re being taken advantage of, fall into your gut instinct. If you feel like something is unfair or unjust, it’s probably a valid indicator that you are being taken advantage of, which will make it easier to draw the line.

    Recognize when you feel like you’re not being respected, or you’re being stepped on, and reflect on it. After recognizing this feeling, think about what actions need to be taken to get rid of this feeling.

    What could you do that would make you feel like you’re being treated with respect? Do you need to say something, assert your boundaries, or leave the situation?

    Assert your boundaries

    You need to have boundaries in life. It’s not okay when people push their will onto you or blame you for their failings. As someone who is seeking to be more secure in yourself, you need to get the message through to people when they are crossing a line.

    This can feel daunting at first, but the more you start drawing and affirming boundaries, the easier it will be to see when someone is crossing a line, or if you’re just perceiving them too. Think of it this way. How will people know when they’re crossing a line if there isn’t a line?

    The more you assert your boundaries and prevent people from crossing them, the quicker you’re going to feel empowered by drawing boundaries and asserting yourself

    Start being grateful for what goes right

    One of the best ways to counter the victimhood mentality is to cultivate gratitude for your life. Gratitude is the ultimate trump card for the victim mentality because you cannot be a victim while you’re feeling grateful. They’re polar opposites of vibration.

    As the victimhood mentality is associated with scarcity, learning to be grateful for the little things will help you see things in a new light.

    To learn more about how to cultivate more gratitude in your life and why it’s so beneficial, click on the link below and we’ll dive right into it!

  • How To Replace Limiting Belief Systems With Healthier Ones

    How To Replace Limiting Belief Systems With Healthier Ones

    Your beliefs form the foundation of your reality and influence your life experience. If your beliefs are rotten to the core, your reality will be too.

    If you believe the world is a horrible place and everything sucks, do you think that’s an objective reality, or a personal hell you’ve created for yourself? Maybe you believe life is full of amazing opportunities, adventures, and connections. You’ve created a great life for yourself because your beliefs facilitated that reality.

    That’s why you need to do some summer cleaning to discard stubborn belief systems that aren’t serving you, and cultivate healthier ones that make your reality a better place to live in.

    Knowing how big of a role belief systems play in the quality of your life, let’s look at how you can identify the beliefs that aren’t serving you, discard them, and construct healthier belief systems that enhance your life experience.

    What are limiting belief systems?

    Woman thinking

    A limiting belief system is a restrictive belief that reduces the quality of your life or prevents you from reaching your full potential.

    Belief systems help us navigate the world effectively. You’re not going to steal because your belief systems tell you it’s wrong. Perhaps you believe that you can achieve whatever you put your mind to, and this drives you to achieve more.

    These are examples of positive beliefs because they encourage you to make the most of your life.

    Belief systems are limiting when they prevent you from making the most of your life. View them as cognitive blocks that have developed at some point in your life that prevent you from achieving health, wealth, and happiness.

    Are these beliefs inspiring you to do better, or bringing you down?

    Most of us have some sort of limiting beliefs. Perhaps these limiting beliefs come in the form of commitment, where you hold yourself back from a stable partnership out of fear that it won’t work out.

    Maybe you sabotage good opportunities that come your way because you don’t feel worthy. With all these mental barriers, it can be hard to get anywhere in life, because consciously or unconsciously, you hold yourself back.

    Are you a victim of the world, or are you a creator of your reality?

    Perception vs belief

    Your belief systems are more cognitive than your perception of life.

    Perceiving something is an automated and unconscious process, while beliefs often require thought and introspection. Belief systems tend to revolve around the future and future ideals, while perception is momentary, and experienced in the now.

    Your perception refers to your understanding of the world via your senses which create a life-like picture of it. Beliefs are a conscious acceptance that something exists or should be done in a certain way.

    For example, you might believe that society is moving in a bad direction based on your observations, research, and critical thinking.

    You might believe in religion or spirituality, but you might not perceive it because there is no sensory input to validate its existence.

    Limiting belief examples

    • I’m not good enough to achieve my dreams
    • I’m a victim of the world
    • People don’t like me
    • I need more experience
    • I fail at everything I do
    • I’m too old/too young to do this
    • I’m not smart enough to do that
    • I don’t have enough time to do what I want
    • I’ll never be successful
    • I don’t deserve love

    Healthy belief systems

    • I can become more intelligent and learn whatever I need to succeed
    • I am in control of my life
    • I am a valuable asset to any job
    • I am already successful, in my own way
    • There will always be more opportunities
    • Amazing people always come into my life
    • Every difficult situation is temporary
    • Life will get better
    • I am abundant with everything I need
    • I will meet the person of my dreams one day

    Identifying limiting belief systems

    Identifying limiting belief systems starts with an awareness of them.

    When I used to think about money, there was a block. Even though I wanted to get ahead financially, I got discouraged. I thought about how much competition there was, and how I could possibly provide any value to others.

    Because of this limiting belief system, I avoided a lot of good opportunities that came up, because I didn’t feel I deserved them.

    Because of my belief system regarding money, I manifested a lot of issues with it. Every time I started to get ahead, something would come up that separated me from my earnings. I would get cheated on, scammed, and robbed.

    So I looked into this belief system and why realistically, I couldn’t do as well as anyone else.

    I started spending more, enjoying it more and stopped thinking about how much I needed it. When the need for more money lessened but the value I got out of it improved, things began to change.

    As my beliefs surrounding money have become more positive, I have had a lot of amazing adventures in life, and more opportunities in this form keep arising.

    Unless you are conscious about what you believe and why you believe it, these negative patterns will remain undetected and continue to control your life. 

    Cultivate an awareness about your beliefs

    Often, we aren’t aware of the beliefs we have. Because we mindlessly reinforce them without ever paying attention to them, they continue doing their dirty work outside the spotlight of awareness.

    Therefore, you need to think critically about your belief systems.

    This requires you to dig into what you think you’ve known for a long time and start questioning things. Once you identify your beliefs, really think about them, and how strongly you’re holding onto them. Here are some prompts to get the juices flowing:

    • How is your relationship with money? Is it abundant and easy to access, or something you just can’t have no matter how hard you try? Do you think money is bad, or it’s just a tool?
    • Do you consider yourself a lucky person? Why, why not?
    • Do you believe in spirituality? What do you believe happens when you die? What beliefs do you have surrounding death, and how does this translate into your life experience?
    • How do you feel about society? Is it going down the shitter, or do you believe we’re going to have a utopia? What’s wrong with society, and how can we make positive, lasting change?
    • Are governments here to serve us, or control us? Is it the whole system, certain individuals? What are your thoughts on corruption, and what can be done about it?
    • Are aliens real? If so, what are they like? Are there many different types of them, just a few? Have they already made contact, will they soon make themselves known to humanity?
    • What are your thoughts on spirits, demons, and the paranormal? Where do they come from? Are they here to help you, or hurt you, or are they all different?
    • Do we live in the matrix? Funny question, but an important one. What’s your perspective on this? Are we in a simulation, is reality the be-all and end-all of life?
    • What are the biggest keys to being a happy person? How do you become happy? What does happiness look like to you, and what needs to be done to achieve it?

    The emotions surrounding your belief structures are a good indication of whether your beliefs are serving you or not. Ultimately, when you’re thinking about a certain belief structure, does it make you feel heavy or light? If you feel fear, unworthiness, shame, hatred, etc.

    When inspecting your beliefs, then that’s a solid indicator that they’re toxic.

    On the other hand, if you feel positive emotions such as hope, excitement, or joy when looking into different aspects of your life, then that’s a good indication that your beliefs are healthy.

    So look into different areas of your life and see what comes up. Think about your career, friends, dating life, and how many opportunities you get. Take a moment to think about how you feel about your life right now and inspect where the negative emotions arise.

    Let’s say you believe that only bad people get money and good people have to remain broke. How does this make you feel? If it’s not positive in any way, then you know that the belief needs to go.

    Inspecting your beliefs and feeling the emotions when you dig into them will give you a solid lead to identify what belief systems are holding you back, and which ones are helping you excel in life. Don’t be too hard on yourself as it’s normal to have some limiting belief systems, but be critical of yourself, so you can identify these beliefs and take steps to heal them.

    When you catch yourself reinforcing something negative, stop and think about it. Reframe your belief by reinterpreting it differently, and push yourself to think about why you can rather than why you can’t.

    Understand that you’re trying to reinforce healthier belief systems, and this can take time. Imagine it like a mental muscle that you need to exercise, and you do this by catching your negative beliefs when they’re kicking in, and forcing yourself to think about the situation in a more optimistic, yet critical way, which spurs the belief of why not, rather than why.

    Discarding limiting belief systems

    Woman expressing content

    To get your mind into an optimal state, first, you need to clear up some mental space. While you’re hosting limiting belief systems, you won’t be able to cultivate conflicting healthy belief systems.

    If a belief is not making you happier, better, or serving your growth, then it’s time to look at why you’re still holding onto it.

    Your beliefs should be tailored around your ideal vision of reality. That means that you should work on adopting beliefs that make you feel happier and more fulfilled.

    For example, you might believe that people are harmful, that money corrupts people, and that every politician is evil. You might believe that you can’t be happy and make lots of money, or that you will never make it in life without doing bad deeds.

    These are counterproductive beliefs that certainly don’t serve your best interests. They act as walls and prevent you from growing and expanding into the person that you’re supposed to be.

    Life-enhancing beliefs might be along the lines of

    ‘I can achieve anything that I put my mind to’

    ‘I have faith that the universe will take care of me’

    or

    ‘I consider myself a lucky person’

    Believing that the universe will take care of you reduces stress. Believing that everything is meant to be provides reassurance. Your belief systems can also cultivate better ways of living through doctrines of nonresistance.

    Challenge your belief systems

    Stop watering the beliefs that don’t serve you and let them wither away like dying weeds.

    Stop giving energy to limiting beliefs, as the time and attention you give to those beliefs is like watering them.

    The truth is, you can believe whatever you want. It doesn’t matter, it just depends on what thoughts you’re tendering. So stop tendering beliefs that degrade your quality of life and put your energy into better things.

    Beliefs are powerful.

    If you believe that you’re socially awkward and bad with people, then in reality, you will be. If you genuinely believe that you have a good social life or that you’re living a good life, then that is the reality you will carve out for yourself.

    You will begin moving towards the paradigms that you believe in, so make sure you’re tendering the beliefs you want to have and neglecting the ones you don’t.

    An open mind is the worst enemy of limiting belief systems. Because if you open the floodgates and allow yourself to be inundated with alternate perspectives and new ideas, those limiting belief systems won’t stand for long.

    You should always be learning and growing, and acknowledge that your beliefs are always changing, as do you. Therefore, allow your beliefs to naturally evolve as your knowledge, wisdom, and life experience does.

    Usually, we just don’t care enough to dig into opposing beliefs because we are comfortable with our own. We don’t want to rattle our stable paradigms, because those paradigms are attached to the ego.

    But if you step backward and gain an unbiased perspective, you might realize that your beliefs are not as solid as you once thought. Therefore, don’t shut down arguments, or combat people who oppose your beliefs

    Hear everyone out, gain as much knowledge on all perspectives as you can, and incorporate those views into your own beliefs — at least the ones that make sense to you.

    Forming healthier belief systems

    Constructing healthy belief systems

    Beliefs are formed over time throughout your life experience. We typically accept our belief structures as a default which can’t be changed.

    As with your perception of life, beliefs are not concrete. It doesn’t matter how stuck in your ways you are. You can reconstruct your beliefs.

    It’s important to understand that beliefs can change and that you can change yours to accommodate your desired lifestyle, attitudes, and resulting behaviors. By realizing that your beliefs are always evolving, you open the gate to possibilities.

    It’s time to pivot towards a more promising mind and form beliefs that are beneficial to your life.

    Understand that all beliefs are valid

    The first step to change your belief systems is to acknowledge that there is some nonsense, and some validity in everything. There is no ultimate truth, just theories, ideas, and speculation.

    Even beliefs that have a strong standing and those that are backed by science aren’t unquestionable. Reality is not black and white. We tend to paint a picture that grossly simplifies life when this is a counterproductive approach to take.

    To change your belief systems, you need to understand that there is no right or wrong. There is no correct or incorrect. Beliefs are subjective. The truth is… nobody knows what the fuck is happening in reality, which means that everything is plausible, and this gives you leverage.

    Anything will seem logical if you convince yourself into it. So don’t rule out any options just yet, because your knowledge is always changing.

    Desire the belief to construct it

    Your desire to believe something will create the actual belief. Therefore, start looking into the beliefs that you want to have, and make them your orbital point of focus.

    Usually, the problem is not that you can’t form a new belief, it’s that you never even thought about it, or have no incentive to change your belief systems. When you engage different beliefs and build the desire to believe them, you will start resonating with them. That’s why you should think about what you want to believe, and gain conscious control over that.

    How often do you meet people who believe in something that they don’t want to? It’s a pretty rare phenomenon, as when you want to see things in a particular way, you’re going to start convincing yourself into it and pulling out every tiny shred of information that supports that belief.

    If you want to believe that humanity is going to prosper and we’re going to move towards an interstellar species, then there’s no reason why you can’t. I do believe this because I want to. It makes me feel optimistic about the future.

    If you want to believe in something hard enough, you will start to believe it. When you start doubting it or you don’t care, that’s when movement stops.

    Look at the details

    To believe in something, you need to see the sense behind it. It needs to be a plausible theory to you, otherwise you will discard the idea. Therefore, to change your belief systems, you need to look for logic to support that belief.

    The thing is that there is logic and plausibility in everything if you inspect it closely enough. Most people who don’t believe in something have no interest in researching it. Since they never actually take the initiative to look into the counterargument or things that don’t align with them, they never give the belief structure a chance to seed.

    If you start digging into conspiracy theories, you are likely to start believing in them, or at least the ones that resonate with you, because you’re digging into the details and giving them a lot of thought. Who would have thought, many conspiracy theories are very convincing?

    Look at the details, search for information that supports the belief, and before you know it, you’ll be gathering a mound of insight into why the belief seems plausible.

    Surround yourself with positive influences

    The people in your life contribute a lot towards your belief systems, which is why it’s important to be aware of your social influences and to be around people you want to learn and grow from.

    There will always be people who doubt you and discourage you. That’s why it’s important to be mindful of who you tend to spend your time with.

    If your friends are lazy, unmotivated, and downers, you can bet that it’s going to rub off on you too. Likewise, spend your time around winners who are motivated, then you’re in a much more positive environment that is going to instill self-belief.

    Spend more time around interesting people with whom you can learn and grow, and you will start adopting their belief systems too.

  • How to Break Negative Patterns In Life, Once and For All

    You’re not exactly sure why things stay the same in your life.

    You certainly don’t enjoy it for the most part, but you find that the same patterns repeat themselves as if you’re stuck in a loop.

    Despite how hard you try, you always seem to end up back at square one. You encounter the same obstacles that have withstood the test of time, and which appear to be an inseparable part of your existence.

    Deep down you know that something needs to change, you just have no idea what that thing is.

    That’s going to change now.

    It’s time to get off the hamster wheel and look at why things aren’t changing in your life. Let’s look at what you can do to gain a broader perspective of these negative patterns, and learn how to finally put a stop to them!

    What are negative patterns in life?

    Couple in the middle of an argument

    A negative reoccuring pattern is a familiar, but painful situation you regularly find yourself in.

    Whether the situation is a painful breakup, being taken advantage of, or sabotaging a good opportunity, if it keeps happening, you’re attracting it one way or another. This is why it becomes a pattern, because you continue reliving a particularly painful experience.

    If there seems to be a negative theme in your life that just keeps happening in different forms, then there is a reason why it’s happening. You may be aware of this reason, and you may be oblivious to it.

    After all, all situations are teachers.

    That’s why you’re doing this human thing in the first place, to learn. As with school, you’ll have to repeat the same class until you pass it. With life, you will repeatedly attract the same experience in different forms until you overcome it.

    Why do I perpetuate negative patterns?

    When you aren’t aware of the negative patterns in your life, they will continue happening because the root cause has not been addressed.

    There is a wounded part of you that is unconsciously seeking out these painful experiences because they’re familiar. Even though you want these negative patterns to end on a conscious level, the unconscious may wish to seek them out, because they’re safe.

    Your external world is a reflection of your inner world. If that inner world is wounded, the gears of reality will spin to bring about the same situation as a mechanism for you to become aware of the deeper underlying issue.

    Until you take radical self-responsibility and stop pointing the finger at the external, you’re not going to make progress.

    Whether it’s a long line of bad relationships, being victimized, or sabotaging good jobs, your awareness of these negative patterns is the first step towards breaking them.

    Without cultivating an awareness of the reocurring situations in your life, you stagnate because you’re not learning from those experiences (and mastering the lessons they’re trying to teach you).

    You attract situations that you need to learn from

    I always had a negative pattern around money, which we can call a money block. I would often be stolen from, robbed, left unpaid by jobs, and continuously lose sentimental items that meant a lot to me. Often when I started getting ahead, I would be hit with fines or unexpected costs.

    This seemed to happen like clockwork.

    I believed it was out of my control and that I was just unlucky, so my response was to play the victim. All this did was fuel the pattern because I wasn’t looking at why this was happening.

    This negative pattern continued like clockwork for many years until I ruled out the possibility that it was a coincidence. So I wondered, how is this possible? Why does this keep happening to me?

    Inspecting this negative pattern brought me to a deeper realization, that I always believed I was undeserving. Metaphysically speaking, the universe obliged. This pattern slowly started to dissolve as I worked on my self-worth issues, changed my energy around money, and believed I was deserving.

    It takes time to change the negative patterns in your life because the unconscious mind has layers. Sometimes the root cause is deeply entrenched, and it can be hard to weed out.

    The deeper you go into the issue, the more layers you reveal. Unconsciously, you are causing all the negative patterns in your life, whether they appear to be within your control or not.

    Without taking a hard look into the patterns that you blindly operate on, you have no way to break the negative cycles. This is why it’s important to realize that there is always an underlying cause, and the situation won’t stop occurring until you heal the root wound.

    Where do negative negative patterns come from?

    Negative patterns are often the result of unresolved childhood trauma. These unconscious patterns are manifestations of hidden wounds that will dictate your life until they have been healed.

    Look at reoccurring situations as beacons. They’re illuminating an unconscious wound, and until healed, these painful situations will reoccur. Therefore, negative patterns are not your enemy. They exist to serve your best interest, despite how painful they are.

    Every time the painful situation repeats itself, you are a little bit wiser, a little more healed, and you react a little differently until it has been overcome completely. This is the way you need to treat them.

    Look at the wound as the cause, and the situation as the manifestation. Unless the wound has been healed, this problem will continue showing itself in your life.

    The situations that repeat themselves are proportionate to the severity of your underlying wound.

    If your vibration is generally low, you’re going to attract all sorts of situations into your life that are on the same frequency. If you’re stuck in a low state, the universe is going to give you some big kicks up the ass to motivate you to change, otherwise, you probably wouldn’t.

    Identifying negative patterns in your life

    Negative reocurring pattern

    Now that you know what a negative pattern is and why it’s happening, you can start identifying painful trends in your own life.

    Here is a table of common negative patterns that people face, what they believe, and the root cause. If you have a look, often what you think about the situation isn’t what’s going on. This is why it’s important to dig into why these situations keep happening, and why they do.

    Negative reocurring patterns example infographic

    Now it’s your turn. I suggest reflecting on your life and writing down some common themes within it. Here are some questions to answer:

    • What are the common themes within my life?
    • What situations seem to repeat themselves?
    • How do these situations make me feel?
    • What is the common denominator of these experiences?
    • What signs are present before the situation happens?
    • What will I do next time it happens?

    Look for the common denominator of your experiences

    Think about the reocurring themes that happen in your life.

    The common denominator is something that is always present when the situation occurs. It could be a certain emotion, a trigger, an action, a place, or a person. It’s important to identify the common denominator of your experiences because it is the trigger.

    Once you’ve identified some negative patterns in your life, think about what you usually do when the occurrence happens, and what you can do differently.

    This cycle can be broken by training yourself to see the signs that you’re spiraling into another pattern, and taking a different path.

    Consequently, your awareness of these situations will flush up the underlying wound. You need to keep a mental notebook of what works and what doesn’t. This way you can begin adjusting your approach until these old patterns deteriorate.

    Think about what the situation trying to teach you.

    What lessons do you need to learn to heal the internal wound and move past this situation? You need to do a little digging here because each person’s wounds are different, and the situations that manifest from them are unique.

    It may be a mindset, belief system, or energy that needs to change. Perhaps the situation is trying to help you accept something in your life without combating it, or letting go of something that happened in the past.

    How to break negative patterns in your life

    Nonattachment: Breaking free from possessions

    By taking alternative courses of action to dissolve those stubborn patterns, you can begin reconstructing healthier courses of action that serve you.

    Create better habits by noting what works, and then consistently doing it when the negative pattern reemerges. The more you create a positive shift in your emotions, attitudes, behaviors, and responses, the more you will break out of the negative pattern until it doesn’t happen anymore.

    Something important I’ve learned on my path is that nothing changes until we take responsibility for it. Often, this means taking responsibility for things that we believe are out of our control.

    The first step to breaking these painful patterns is to stop playing the victim and take full responsibility.

    After all, the situation is happening to you, so you’re creating it in one way or another. When you truly take responsibility for what happens in your life and stop playing the victim, this is when things start to change.

    When you find yourself walking into a repeating situation, make different choices. Even if you don’t know what the solution is, just try something else.

    Responding the same way to situations is a sure way to ensure they keep happening.

    If you usually get triggered by someone when they bring up a certain topic, stop and focus. Instead of perpetuating the cycle by lashing out and getting defensive, try talking about it. Try understanding their perspective even if it’s really difficult to do.

    Do something out of the regular every time you catch yourself in the same situation, and gauge the results.

    If things turn out bad again, then you can cross off that alternative path. If you did something a little differently and got a better result, then focus on taking similar approaches if the situation arises again.

    Keep working on yourself and be aware of these negative patterns, and you will slowly move in the right direction until you no longer need to relive them.

  • Growth Mindset: The Cornerstone of Personal Development

    Growth Mindset: The Cornerstone of Personal Development

    Have you wondered why some people are completely stuck in their ways, while others are on a constant path of learning?

    What separates Camp A from Camp B? Is it their attitudes, motivations, or belief systems? Is it simply who they are?

    It’s about having a growth mindset: the conviction that every aspect of our identity is cultivated, not innate. Nothing is set in stone, and through diligent effort, you can become more proficient in any endeavor.

    The growth mindset is the foundation of personal growth. Let’s look at what the growth mentality is and how you can train it in yourself.

    Adopting the growth mindset

    Growth mindset

    The growth mindset is a realization that you are a work in progress. It’s the belief that every trait, skill, ability, and characteristic can be developed to mastery, and there is always a step further to take it.

    People who have a growth mindset believe that their lives are the result of their actions. They will view the mind as a machine that is always learning, growing, and developing – right to the day they die.

    People who don’t have a growth mindset tend to believe their minds are fixed beyond adolescence. Their personality, intelligence, and characteristics are set in stone – and no amount of work will change it. Everyone has been given a hand of cards, and we must play with what we’re given.

    Someone with a growth mindset will believe they could become an astronaut if they put their mind to it. Likewise, they could become a saint, a rockstar, or an influential politician.

    After all, why not?

    Sure, I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy journey by any means. It may require a lifetime of dedication, learning, studying, and practicing, but it is possible if you apply yourself right.

    If you agree, likely you have a growth mindset. Otherwise, if you focus on all the barriers, then your lens may be shrouded in self-doubt and uncertainty – by pessimism. In this sense, it may benefit you by adopting the growth mindset to realistically see why it is possible.

    Benefits of a growth mindset

    The growth mindset is a particular lens that allows you to see an abundance of opportunities in the world. It’s an optimistic mindset that encourages growth, hope, motivation, and inspired action.

    If perceive success to be the result of learning the right information, then you’re going to apply yourself. If you believe there is no point because you have hit a cap, you’re probably not going to try.

    When I was younger, I didn’t understand life. I didn’t understand school, social relationships, how to manage my mental health, or how to learn.

    Worst of all, I didn’t have any desire to learn these skills and abilities that would benefit my life, because I didn’t know these things could be learned. I thought a charismatic person was born like that. That’s just who they are, and I’m just a shy, awkward kid.

    Unfortunate, but that’s just how it is.

    As a result of this fixed mindset where I thought I was trapped as my inferior self, my life was quite stagnant. Not much changed for a long time, and I was as unhappy as ever.

    At one point, I discovered that dating skills could be learned. After relentlessly researching how to improve myself in the eyes of a lady, this opened Pandora’s box.

    If I could learn to date, then what else could I learn?

    This created a major shift in my reality and marked the conception of the growth mindset.

    I continued growing, and even though I am certainly not perfect, I have come a very long way from the person I once was.

    Embracing continuous learning

    The growth mindset is to put yourself on a path of continuous learning. If you are constantly striving to become your best self to make the most of your life experience, then you probably have a growth mindset.

    A growth mindset = being on a personal growth journey, something I highly advocate.

    It’s important to view your life as a continuous learning curve.

    Think about it this way.

    You might not be able to achieve whatever you want to achieve, but you can become the person who can. Developing the growth mindset pushes you to develop yourself into a more competent person who can achieve the things you want.

    Without the conscious will to grow into a better person, you stagnate.

    Stagnation is spiritual suicide as it prevents you from capitalizing on your potential.

    Ultimately, your growth journey is the most fruitful path you can walk as it leads to some incredible life experiences. There is nothing you can’t achieve as long as you develop the skills, qualities, and traits needed to achieve it.

    You are an impressive ecosystem of skills, characteristics, beliefs, and so much more at play. So what can you do to make sure this ecosystem thrives?

    Learn!

    Growth mindset vs fixed mindset

    Infographic showing growth mindset vs fixed mindset

    The concept of the growth mindset was popularized by Carol Dweck (an American psychologist), who segmented it into the growth mindset and the fixed mindset.

    Dweck suggests that on one end of the spectrum, you have the growth mindset which is a big factor in success (read about her studies here). On the other hand, you have a fixed mindset (stagnation in your patterns and programs).

    The growth mindset encourages you to continue growing and to use every opportunity that life presents to grow.

    As growth applies to every aspect of your life, the growth mindset applies to everything too. There is nothing you can do in life where knowledge doesn’t benefit you.

    The fixed mindset is a mentality where you have no desire to learn or grow.

    You live in absolutes.

    This means that everything that forms the collective of you including your skills, personality traits, and belief systems are concrete. This is a limiting belief system that stunts your growth because it doesn’t inspire you to take action or consciously learn.

    Infographic of growth mindset

    Examples of the growth mindset

    Life provides so many opportunities to grow.

    When you start to see these opportunities in everything you do, whether it’s your work, relationships, hobbies, or avocations, you will speed up the process of growth.

    Therefore, keep an eye open for learning opportunities in everyday life.

    These might come in the form of conversations, observations, work, traveling, painful lessons, things that went wrong, and things that went right.

    You can extract wisdom from every experience, and that’s what you need to do if you want to accelerate your learning curve.

    Characteristics of the growth mindset

    Growth mindset characteristics

    Instead of seeing the growth mindset as something that’s taught, look at it as a shift in perspective that you need to make.

    This shift in perception facilitates more growth in your life on all levels, which results in a better life experience.

    Let’s look at some common characteristics of people with a growth mindset, so you can adopt them too:

    • Be persistent: Realize that any failure is the result of not yet building the required competence.
    • Be adaptable: People who have a growth mindset adapt to their circumstances and make the necessary changes.
    • Embrace challenges: Challenges are good because they provide an opportunity for you to stretch yourself. If you don’t challenge yourself, you’re not going to learn.
    • Seek feedback: Internal and external feedback provides information to help you improve.
    • Reflect on failures: Reflect on things that didn’t go to plan (and things that did too). Engage the feedback loop to continuously improve.
    • Believe in success: No matter how many times you fail, you will always have reason to try again. As long as you’re continuously working towards your goals, you can’t fail.

    Develop a growth mindset

    Growth mindset
    The growth mindset is not a switch, but a wisdom that seeds the more you encourage it.

    Everything begins with desire. If you desire to have something, then you’re going to push yourself to attain it. When you have a strong enough desire to grow, you will consciously look for ways to grow.

    By developing the willingness to grow, suddenly life becomes a learning curve where every situation, good or bad, aids your development.

    Here are some things you can do to develop a growth mindset:

    Constantly expand on your skillsets

    Look at skills as tools.

    The more skills you develop, the more tools you have in your arsenal.

    If you’re a construction worker who has the same routine day in and day out, you can learn more about the equipment you work with, procedures, mastering skills and techniques. You can learn more about the environment you work in, the people you work with, and the business you work for.

    If you work in customer service, you can learn about the product you sell, customer etiquette, and social interactions. You can learn about management and operations.

    There is always more to be learned regardless of what you are doing, and this knowledge will always have some practical value in your life.

    You just need to train your eye to see it.

    Be a creator

    Realize that you are limitless.

    There is no cap to your evolution, and certainly no limit to the amount you can expand your consciousness.

    Your mind is elastic.

    Even though your upbringing has a big influence over who are, you are responsible for your life journey, nobody else.

    There are always more opportunities to learn, despite what you’re doing. Furthermore, personal growth is a bottomless pit. You can get to deeper levels of well-being and wisdom, but there will always be more to learn.

    Engage the feedback loop

    The feedback loop means that you reflect on your performance in any given situation, and think about what you could do better next time.

    If you’re constantly engaging the feedback loop, you’re going to constantly be learning from your experiences.

    To grow as quickly as possible, make sure you reflect a lot.

    Introspect.

    Think about what you can do, and how you can better yourself. Your internal processes serve as a powerful aid on your growth journey.

    Open your mind

    Opening your mind is hugely important to develop a growth mindset.

    An open mind is a catalyst for personal growth as it allows you to absorb more ideas and perspectives about the world around you.

    You can open your mind by making an effort to entertain different perspectives and ideas, even if you disagree with them.

    Listen to everything, and look at all sides of any given situation. Aim to be the most knowledgeable you can, and you will start to absorb more information

  • How to Sharpen Your Observational Skills

    How to Sharpen Your Observational Skills

    In the personal development sphere, teachings are abundant about topics like mindfulness and self-love, yet observational skills are generally overlooked.

    While mindfulness is touted for reducing stress, observational skills are equally vital in navigating various aspects of life, including career progression, building meaningful connections, and developing new skill sets.

    Good observational skills make a tangible difference to your life, and they’re rather easy to improve. If you’re on a journey of personal growth, developing these skills is crucial. Here’s why.

    Why are observational skills important?

    binoculars 1209011 1920 1024x683 1

    Observational skills refer to your ability to perceive information within your external (and internal) environment.

    Someone who is highly observant will absorb more information about your surroundings compared to someone who isn’t. They may pick up more social cues, or pay closer attention to details on a project or work assignment.

    Ultimately, being highly observant translates to being more knowledgeable. This skill set allows you to experience life with more depth by noticing all the nuances of our world and other people.

    This is why highly observant people generally appear to be intelligent because have soaked up more knowledge than the average person.

    With that said, having good observational skills does so much more than helping you identify details about your environment. They’re an essential tool to identify what’s going on within your internal environment too, which leads to greater self-awareness and quicker personal growth.

    Your observational skills help with:

    Self-awareness

    Observing your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors can lead to greater self-awareness. You are more likely to identify areas for improvement, work on your weaknesses, and build on your strengths.

    Recognizing social cues

    Being observant helps you pick up on subtle signals during social interactions including eye contact levels, body language, and receptivity. Picking up on social cues helps you navigate social interactions better.

    Recognizing patterns

    Being observant helps you notice certain painful trends or patterns in your life that tend to repeat themselves. This awareness allows you to break these patterns.

    Identifying cause and effect

    You will see when a certain action or behavior leads to a particular outcome, allowing you to identify and avoid detrimental behaviors.

    Identifying details

    You become better at noticing the little details in your job, work, and avocations, and ensuring you don’t miss important details.

    Learning new skills

    Being highly observant makes you better at learning new things. You’re more attentive to the process of learning, resulting in quicker learning.

     

    Noticing changes

    You become better at noticing subtle changes in your environment such as a dint in your car, if something’s out of place in your home, or if one of your pot plants needs water.

    Reading between the lines

    You become better at noticing incongruencies in what people are telling you, allowing you to piece together the truth rather than fall for a fib.

    Solving problems

    When you are highly observant, you gather more information about a situation which allows you to analyze it thoroughly. This can lead to more creative solutions and a better decision making process.

    How to become more observant

    Observant man writing in a notepad

    You may not be highly observant, but you can awaken this dormant skill.

    Being highly observant is arguably more useful in today’s world because there’s so much happening around us all the time. Knowledge is power, and if you’re on a personal growth journey, you should be soaking it up like a sponge.

    Luckily for you, there’s always an enormous amount of information that you have access to, right now.

    You’re just not tapping into it. So here are some ways that you can pick more of it up.

    Here’s a resource to help you put on your observation cap:

    Pay attention

    Observation is a microscope.

    Everything contains a bottomless pit of information, it’s just a matter of how hard you look.

    Countless details are so often missed. We only see the surface level because we don’t give things our full attention and scrutiny.

    Think about it this way.

    A car salesman is going to have a different understanding of cars compared to your typical family man. They will know the design, the engine, the brand, the speed, the history, and the materials those cars are made from.

    To the mechanic, the car is a work of art, the same way a building may be a work of art to an architect. The information is always there, but it requires knowledge and attention to develop an eye for something.

    You probably haven’t looked at the details because you don’t really care. But if you were to look at the details of any given subject, whether it be your mental health or communication skills, you’re going to discover more depth to it.

    Utilize your senses

    All the information you pick up about the outside world passes through your senses. Therefore, if you’re not paying attention to them, you’re blocking out information.

    When you pay attention to each sense and allow yourself to be present with the experience of that sense, that’s when you naturally start noticing more things around you.

    Maybe it’s the birds chirping, the humming of the fridge, or the smell of Earth when walking in the woods. You are constantly surrounded by information, you’re simply not receiving it because you’re not giving your full attention to your senses.

    Below are some ways that will bring you to your senses.

    • What sensations do you feel right now?
    • Do you notice your heartbeat?
    • What emotions are you experiencing?
    • What is the temperature right now?
    • What sounds can you hear?
    • What are some things you can see?
    • What are the colors or tones like?
    • Can you smell anything?
    • Can you taste anything?

    Slow down and start paying more attention to your senses daily. Every time you remember, bring it back and remind yourself to pay attention to the experience you’re having. The more you do this, the more mindful you will become.

    Identify nonverbal communication

    People are a big part of life. Being observant during social interactions can help you identify how people are feeling, navigate conversations better, and avoid potential conflicts.

    Part of being highly observant is to not only listen with your ears but use your eyes to guide the conversation too.

    When you are interacting with someone, you want to pay close attention to nonverbal signals because nonverbal signals tell you a lot about the person or the interaction. Things to look out for include:

    • The person’s body language: Are they looking confident and powerful, or drooping their shoulders? Is their body facing you or away from you?
    • Mannerisms: Is the person emphatic in their movements and behaviors, or not very animated?
    • Vocal tonality: What is the person’s tone of voice like? Crisp and clear, or are they mumbling?
    • Eye contact: Is the person’s eye contact strong, warm, cold, or fleeting?
    • Facial expressions: Notice the microexpressions on the person’s face. What is it telling you?

    Cultivate internal awareness

    Your environment can be separated into 2 brackets – the external and the internal. A highly observant person is also aware of their internal environment, such as what they’re thinking and what they’re feeling.

    To develop your observational skills, you need to work on your self-awareness. They are synonymous.

    You need to cultivate an awareness of who you are the way you are, what you’re doing wrong, and how you could be improving.

    Here are some things you should keep in mind about your internal environment.

    • What emotions are you feeling?
    • Are your thoughts positive, negative, or neutral?
    • What can you improve upon?
    • Where do you need the most healing?
    • What painful belief systems are you holding onto?
    • What reoccurring patterns can you identify in your life?
    • What are your triggers?
    • How do you act when under pressure?
    • Do you tend to react or respond?

    Be more inquisitive

    Noticing new things about your environment is only half of the journey. If you want to develop your observational skills, you need to develop a curiosity about it.

    If you’re curious about something, naturally you’re going to look into it and learn more about it. I was curious about spirituality so I crafted a life around it. I’ve explored it in much more depth than most people because curiosity drives me.

    Likewise, I am curious about people and spend plenty of time people-watching. I like to see how people act, behave, and respond because I can use that information to step up my social game.

    That’s why it’s important to not only follow your curiosity, but develop it too.

    Whether you’re looking into history, economics, or your healing, wonder why things are the way they are.

    Think about them.

    Try to figure things out.

    Be inquisitive.

    The more you explore your curiosity, the more you’ll discover links between things that once appeared to have no connection.

    Stop distracting yourself

    Being highly observant requires focus.

    If you’re constantly getting distracted, you’re never really giving anything much attention. This is why it’s important to slow down and learn to concentrate on one thing at a time (I know, it can be hard in our ADHD Tiktok culture).

    If you’re engrossed in your work, really focus on the task at hand. Learn what you need to learn to get it done.

    If you’re going for a walk in nature, focus on the sights, the sounds, the nature itself. Stop thinking so much and be present with the experience.

    By concentrating on one thing at a time and devoting all of your attention to it, you’re bound to pick up a lot more information because your mind isn’t elsewhere.

    Think critically

    Put your critical thinking to the test by trying to apply logic to any given thing that you’re witnessing.

    If you’re working within a business, think about how the business operates, and why they operate the way they do. If you’re looking at some beautiful architecture, think about how the building may have been built. Why did they design it like that? If you see some birds flying in a V shape in the sky, ask yourself why. If you’re not sure, research it, and see what you can learn.

    You should always be trying to figure out the things you’re witnessing. If you see something, don’t just brush it off. Think about why that particular thing is the way it is. Think about questions you can ask yourself about that situation or sight, and answer them.

    By thinking critically, you’re going to make a whole lot more sense out of the world, and start to see why things are the way they are.

    Exercises to become more observant

    Kid people watching

    Here we’re going to look at some practical exercises to build the muscle of observation.

    People watching

    Go to any public location and spend a few minutes picking out as many details as you can about the environment you’re in. You can bring a notebook and set a timer if you want.

    Try to identify some things about that environment that have previously gone unnoticed.

    If you’re sitting on a bench, observe what dynamics you see between people. If you’re in a café, pay attention to what’s happening around you. Do the employees look happy, nervous, or bored? Is the environment clean or dirty? What sorts of customers come in, and what do they use the space for?

    If you devote your attention to picking up more of the smaller details about that environment, you will learn much more about it.

    Make this a practice in every new environment you find yourself in, and take a couple of minutes to notice all the little things that brush by most people’s senses.

    Inspecting

    Pick an object that is in your immediate proximity. Maybe it’s your phone, a light, a mug, or a couch. Write down as many details as you can about that object until you run out of ideas.

    You can write down details about the color, texture, size, shape, stains, and any information you can observe about the object.

    If you designate all of your attention to one thing, there’s going to be plenty of information you’ve never noticed before.

    Do this as often as you like with as many things as you like, to build a habit of noticing the tiny details.

    Deep-diving

    Pick an event, subject, or occurrence, and spend ten minutes researching it. Try to cram as much knowledge as you possibly can about the history, the reason, the idea, and anything that comes to mind.

    If you choose lightning, research why lightning occurs. Research the different types of lightning, how quick the speed is, and what exactly happens when it hits something.

    If you pick the topic of trauma, look at what creates trauma. Why people develop it, how people can heal it, different types of trauma, why people repress it.

    Pick out one subject that you’re curious about and spend ten minutes researching as much as you possibly can about that given subject.

    Do this with something different every day, and you’re very quickly going to become more knowledgeable, and more observant of the depth of information that everything has.

  • Mental Rehearsal Techniques To Practice Anything, Anywhere

    Mental Rehearsal Techniques To Practice Anything, Anywhere

    Imagine if you could improve a performance-based activity such as public speaking, dating, or doing well in an interview just by playing it out in your head.

    Well, by utilizing mental rehearsal techniques, you can do exactly that.

    By mentally rehearsing an anticipated experience before it happens, you’re more likely to perform well. You can mentally simulate any experience before it happens which facilitates the space to practice, rehearse, and prepare.

    Let’s look at how you can mentally rehearse before any event to give you the ultimate edge.

    What is mental rehearsal?

    lens gd828e93da 1280

    Mental rehearsal is a technique to mentally prepare for, and improve your performance of an anticipated event.

    Mental rehearsal isn’t about learning new things. It’s about applying the knowledge you already have to a simulated scenario. The more you play out this scenario as successfully as possible, the more likely you are to execute it successfully in real life.

    Think about it this way: if you repeatedly envision yourself doing well at something, you’re likely to perform well too. Mentally you’re creating a pathway to walk, meaning you’re less likely to:

    • Become flustered and forgetful
    • Feel nervous and fumble
    • Get caught off guard
    • Make mistakes and muck up

    You’re more likely to achieve your desired outcome when you envision it happening because you’ve already been there and done that many times already, therefore it doesn’t feel intimidating. Your performance becomes muscle memory-oriented instead of improvising.

    Mental rehearsal can be applied to almost anything you do, so it can be a game-changer when making or breaking anticipated opportunities.

    Since you can mentally rehearse anytime, anywhere, you have every opportunity to shorten your learning curve solely with the power of your mind.

    How does mental rehearsal work?

    Studies suggest that new neural pathways are formed via mental rehearsal. Existing connections are strengthened similarly to physically practicing the activity.

    By rehearsing an anticipated event repeatedly in your mind, you’re going to reinforce your intended outcome – and unconsciously veer towards it.

    Therefore, it’s going to feel much more natural for you.

    Likewise, when you anticipate every potential challenge you may encounter, you set yourself up for success because you have planned for those challenges.  If you encounter one, you have already envisioned what to do.

    As long as you explore each potential pathway in your inner reality, plan for each possible situation, and see yourself successfully overcoming any road bump, you greatly improve your chances of executing the performance smoothly.

    What can mental rehearsal be used for?

    Mental rehearsal can be helpful for your physical performance, preparation for an anticipated event, and eliminating worry or fear.

    Here are some things mental rehearsal can help you with:

    • Public speaking
    • Speaking and pronunciation
    • Rehearsing a presentation
    • Excel in interviews and meetings
    • Dating
    • Physical activity that requires coordination or precision
    • Conversational skills
    • Body language and mannerisms
    • Dancing, theatre, and performance
    • Practicing an instrument
    • Fine motor abilities
    • Performing crafts and skills

    Mental rehearsal to desensitize

    Woman mentally rehearsing

    Mental rehearsal can also be done to help you desensitize from particular negative or unintended outcomes.

    This phenomenon has been studied here, where people have desensitized from irrational fears, by playing them out in their mind.

    If you’re nervous about an upcoming job interview, meeting someone new, or doing something out of your comfort zone, mentally rehearse the event before it happens. This can be a great way to ease the nerves and make you feel more confident.

    It’s no mystery why successful public figures often rehearse before important events. Resourcefulness like this has helped them get to where they are today.

    During my youth, I feared being engaged during a live event. On the odd occasion when I was called upon with all eyes on me, my face lit up like a ripe tomato.

    This tendency to blush when the spotlight was on me only made the situation more awkward. I wanted to end this embarrassing habit, so here’s what I did.

    Sometimes I visualize myself in the audience of an event when I’m laying in bed. In my visualization, the performer will ask me a question.

    “What’s your name? Why don’t you come on stage and make yourself known.”

    As I’m playing the scenario out in my mind in vivid detail, I’ll start to feel the same discomfort as I would in real life.

    As I envision this happening while lying in bed, I’ll feel blood rushing to my face. My body heats up like an oven. However, instead of trying to compose myself as I would in real life, I’ll exacerbate the situation in my mind.

    In my visualization, I will fumble. The performer will be silent, waiting for my response. I will blush more and begin sweating.

    The performer will make a witty comment: “Look at this guy, why is he going so red from such a simple question?” The crowd will start laughing while I’m standing there.

    I’m trying to dig into that uncomfortable sensation by playing out the worst-case scenario and sitting with the emotional and physiological response.

    After a little while, the emotional response will subside. Every time I did this, I imagined a similar situation to drum up an uncomfortable response. However, every consecutive time I did this mental rehearsal technique, both the emotional and physiological responses lessened.

    Now I don’t have an emotional reaction because I already experienced this situation many times, therefore it’s not a big deal.

    Mental rehearsal for preparation

    Mentally rehearsing for a successful date

    I used to be a very shy person. Social interactions scared the crap out of me, so you can only imagine what dates were like. Due to being inexperienced, I didn’t know what to do, say, or how to behave. When the rare opportunity for a date arose, I always blew it.

    So I would start envisioning myself on a date.

    Every time I mentally rehearsed a date, it was always in a different set and setting, with a different person. This person would always have a different personality, and there would be obstacles to overcome.

    Perhaps I spilled a coffee over my date or left my wallet at home. Perhaps my date started flirting with another guy at the bar, or we just had nothing in common. Envisioning a broad range of challenges gave me the flexibility I needed to improve this skill set.

    At first, it was difficult to even imagine myself doing well because I didn’t know what well was. To learn, I watched YouTube videos on the topic, paid attention to characters in movies, and observed other people’s dates in real life.

    I would visualize myself being charismatic and making the woman laugh. Sometimes I would imagine myself in other people’s shoes, and act like them.

    In my visualizations, I practiced conversations and thought about situations where I usually get stuck.

    How do I establish physical comfort and make a move? How do I avoid coming across as a creep? What was my body language, eye contact, and posture like?

    These were all big questions in my mind, but the more I played out these situations, the better I got.

    The more I practiced this mental rehearsal technique, the quicker and smoother my actions would be. And the best part – it translated into real life.

    Mental rehearsal isn’t magic. I still screwed up sometimes, and there have been situations I never anticipated, but mental rehearsal was a huge aid when it came to improving my dating skills.

    Next time you’re anticipating an event that makes you feel anxious – mentally rehearse. It can make a world of difference.

    Mental rehearsal to enhance performance

    Woman preparing to speak at a conference

    I have always loved to dance, but I was insecure when dancing around other people.

    Often I would listen to my favorite tunes when going to bed, and imagine losing myself to the music. I visualized myself dancing with coordination and rhythm while pulling off impressive tricks like a rock star.

    During these visualizations, I would feel my body moving to the beat while picturing each step, slide, and spin.

    When visualizing myself dancing, I would watch myself dance in 3rd person and 1st person. I would feel blood rushing through my body, sweat building on my brow, and the sensation of my body swiftly brushing through the air.

    Unconsciously, I mentally rehearsed dancing every time I listened to my favorite songs.

    Because I instinctively visualized myself dancing when listening to music, now I love dancing. This skyrocketed my confidence, and now I see this confidence manifest into my reality.

    Combined with actually practicing, my ability to dance has improved dramatically. The experience of dancing means something very different to me now – it’s an expression of joy and a form of therapy. But I may have never given it a real shot if I hadn’t envisioned myself doing it many times prior.

    Making mental rehearsal techniques effective

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    Now you should have a good idea of what mental rehearsal is and how it works. Here we’ll get into the details to do it effectively.

    Be realistic

    Visualize the activity in as much detail as you can to build a realistic picture of it.

    You’re trying to build an accurate image of the real-life scenario, so when it comes, you are prepared.

    If you’re mentally rehearsing a date you’re nervous about, swooping the person off their feet and giving them a long romantic kiss, at first sight, is probably not very realistic.

    If your mental rehearsal is vague by leaving out lots of necessary details, you’re just fantasizing instead of preparing for the real-life scenario.

    Pay attention to the details

    Your visualizations should be vivid by incorporating the smaller details into the picture – because they’re important.

    Think about your senses. Here are some things to include in your visualizations:

    • What do you see from your perspective?
    • What are some of the finer details like lighting, temperature, and the clothes people are wearing?
    • What is the setting like? Are you in a park, or a busy cafe with lots of background noise?
    • How are you feeling? Are you feeling motivated, nervous, excited?
    • How well are you executing your speech? Are you speaking with power or slurring your speech?

    The more details you add to your visualization to paint a vivid picture of the scene, the easier it will be to fully embody the visualization.

    Diversify your visualizations

    Visualize many different scenarios to prepare for alternative outcomes.

    Life doesn’t always play out as you hope, so it’s good to diversify your visualizations to prepare for different situations. If you only rehearse one possible outcome, you might get caught off guard.

    Think about how you can respond to unexpected occurrences such as:

    • Being late
    • Making a mistake
    • Being interrupted by someone/something
    • Being distracted by loud background noises
    • losing your phone

    How do you recover from these situations?

    Prioritize mentally rehearsing for situations that are likely to happen. Insert unexpected scenarios and improvise to the best of your ability.

    Take your time

    Take your time with the visualization and be present with it.

    Aim for quality. If you give a half-assed effort, you’ll get a half-assed result. Provide the visualization with the time, effort, and care it deserves.

    In other words, don’t just play out the fun parts, visualize the entire scene including the parts you don’t usually think about. This can include:

    • Waiting
    • Awkward silences
    • Mannerisms and body language
    • Responses

    Whether this mental rehearsal translates to a better performance or a stuttering wreck largely depends on the quality of your rehearsal.

    Are you truly embodying it?

    Repeat until it feels natural

    Replay the scene many times until you feel confident in your visualization

    Mentally rehearsing something once or twice probably won’t cut it. You need to drill your actions into your unconscious mind to habituate them.

    Just like practicing a sport, you can’t just practice a few times and be a pro. The mind works the same way when you visualize something.

    The more you go over any given scenario, the more natural it will feel to implement your desired actions.

    Don’t rush the process but give each repetition care, attention, and effort, just like you would in real life.

  • Become More Optimistic: How To Find The Silver Lining In Life

    Become More Optimistic: How To Find The Silver Lining In Life

    Since undergoing some major transformative healing experiences during my youth, people generally consider me to be an optimistic person. I quickly built a reputation amongst my friends and colleagues for being a positive guy who always looks at the bright side.

    For the most part, it’s true.

    Of course, I have my rough spots. I feel hopeless at times, but those moments are always temporary. It’s not a permanent haze, but rather moments of inner work and growth. Once I process the experience, I always come out the other side, feeling even better than I did before.

    So my understanding of optimism has changed over the years. It’s not something I do. Optimism is a mental program reflecting how I feel on the inside.

    Some people suggest that optimism is a disposition of your genetics, but I wholeheartedly disagree.

    Optimism is a reflection of your internal state. If you are deeply hurt, your view of reality will reflect this hurt. If you are emotionally clean and on a path of personal growth, your outlook will reflect this.

    Fortunately, anyone can become more optimistic by healing themselves and adjusting their worldview. If you have trouble seeing the silver lining in life, here’s what you can do.

    How does optimism improve your life?

    Optimistic woman enjoying life

    Being optimistic is a reflection of your emotional health, your environment, and your views of reality. Although you don’t want to pretend to be optimistic, genuinely seeing the world more joyfully is something we all can achieve.

    When you become a genuinely optimistic person, your life improves in so many different ways. Of course, optimism makes you feel good, but it also drives positive change in life.

    I owe a lot to my ability to be optimistic. It has encouraged me to build a much better life for myself – One where I know I can achieve what I set out to do. I feel good about my life, knowing that it’s always progressing, and will only get better as long as I apply myself.

    Some benefits of optimism include:

    • A reduction in stress
    • Less worry about the future
    • You become more hopeful
    • You have a higher zest for life
    • Optimism can inspire action
    • Better management of emotions

    Optimism makes you feel powerful, energetic, and hopeful about the future. It gives you motivation and makes your whole life experience much more enjoyable.

    What makes people optimistic?

    Being optimistic is largely dependent on how healed you are because it’s a reflection of a healthy emotional body. If you are emotionally healthy, naturally you will feel optimistic because there is no emotional baggage weighing you down.

    There’s a strong correlation between a person’s state of well-being and their perception of life. People who have a lot of trauma tend to perceive the world through a pessimistic lens.

    Therefore:

    • A healed person is naturally optimistic and joyful.
    • A wounded person is naturally pessimistic and miserable.

    I’m not saying this is always the case, but a rule of thumb. Wounded people feel miserable. Misery seeps into their perceptions and outlooks about themselves and the world.

    Therefore, healing is what truly moves the needle when it comes to optimism, because the more healed you are, the more genuinely optimistic you will become.

    It’s important to note that you don’t want to pretend to be optimistic. If you’re pretending to see life in a positive frame, you’re bypassing doing the inner work, and it will cause you more harm than good in the long run. This is spiritual bypassing and you can read more about it here:

    Optimism versus Pessimism: What’s the difference?

    Optimism exists along a spectrum, with the opposite side being pessimism.

    The middle ground between these two outlooks is realism. Realism is a neutral outlook that favors negativity as much as it does positivity.

    Optimistic people generally see the world as a wonderful place, filled with excitement, adventure, and opportunity. They are generally hopeful and believe that things will inevitably get better.

    Optimists tend to unconsciously focus on the pros rather than the cons of any given situation. This is usually considered a desirable outlook as optimists tend to be happier and more at peace with the outcome.

    Being optimistic doesn’t mean pretending that your problems don’t exist, or that everything is always good. Doing this will cause more problems in the long run. Being optimistic is to genuinely see the good side of everything, but to still be rational and realistic.

    Pessimism on the other hand is a negative outlook. Pessimistic people tend to see the world as a dark place, in which it’s only getting worse.

    Pessimists tend to focus on the cons of any given situation, and focus on what is, or could go wrong.

    Due to their negative outlooks, pessimists can be bitter, miserable, and lack appreciation for the good in life. This outlook can put a damper on positive feelings about oneself and the world. This is why it’s good to steer clear of pessimism.

    Pessimism

    Pessimism is a negative view of the future which acts as a spawning pool for painful feelings and misery. 

    Pessimism generally involves:

    • Negative outlook
    • Focus on what’s wrong
    • Glass half-empty mentality
    • Worry about the future
    • Self-doubt
    • Hopelessness
    • Lens of regression
    • Lack of faith
    • Dystopian outlook

    Realism

    Realism is a view of reality that has neither a positive nor negative connotation. It is to see reality through an unbiased and objective lens.

    Realism generally involves:

    • Objective assessment
    • Solution-oriented
    • Acceptance of limitations
    • Takes a cautious approach
    • Skeptical about possibilities
    • Critical of situations
    • Uncertainty
    • Realistic outlook

    Optimism

    Optimism is a positive view of the future that encourages positive feelings and emotions about oneself and the world.

    Optimism generally involves:

    • Positive outlook
    • Focus on what’s right
    • Glass half-full mentality
    • Excitement for the future
    • Self-belief
    • Hopeful
    • Lens of progression
    • Faith
    • Utopian outlook

    How to become more optimistic

    Woman expressing content

    Becoming more optimistic isn’t something that happens overnight. Cultivating optimism occurs by creating shifts in your perception which facilitate a lighter way of seeing your life.

    Here are some ways that you can begin transforming your outlook, to see the world more optimistically.

    Look for a win-win situation

    Acknowledge that there is always a way where everyone can benefit from the situation.

    Viewing life through a competitive lens where one person must fail to ensure the success of another doesn’t instill optimism. It’s better to look for a way (and believe in a way) where there’s a solution that works for everyone involved.

    Therefore, seek out outcomes that mutually benefit everyone involved to get out of the mentality that someone must lose for another to win.

    Look for the silver lining

    Some of the best experiences in my life transpired from things going wrong. It’s normal to go through the motions, but there’s often a better situation for you waiting around the corner.

    There is always something to gain from every experience, regardless of how difficult it is. People who learn to see the bright side of any given situation tend to become more optimistic.

    Being let go from your job might be a stressful situation that causes painful feelings, but can you view it in a way where you benefit in some form too?

    The silver lining could be:

    • The job wasn’t ideal in the first place
    • You didn’t get along well with your peers
    • You can now spend more time with family
    • You can work on the avocations you keep putting off
    • Opens up new opportunities
    • Opportunity to rest and recharge

    Of course, allow yourself to feel those painful emotions, but also shift your focus towards what you can gain from the situation at hand.

    Whenever you’re caught in a difficult situation, ask yourself if it could be a blessing in disguise, and how you may benefit from the situation in some form.

    Put it into perspective

    When you view yourself as the center of the world, every trivial matter becomes a major ordeal. Sometimes, you need to put it into perspective and acknowledge that an undesirable circumstance is not the end of the world.

    Whenever I feel like I’m in an unfortunate situation, I think about people who have it much worse than me such as:

    • People who are in extremely difficult situations
    • People who are homeless or in extreme poverty
    • People who have had much less fortunate lives than I have

    When I think about people who objectively have it much worse off than me, it puts my situation into perspective.

    Suddenly, the problems won’t seem so bad. It becomes easier to feel optimistic about your future knowing that you have some major advantages, regardless of what you’re going through.

    Next time something comes up, think about how lucky you have it, and the daunting walls will shrink into small hurdles.

    Reframe the narrative

    Our lives are webs of narratives because narratives allow us to make sense of who we are and what we’re doing here.

    Some people will construct the narrative that they’re victims of the world. Others will create a narrative that humanity is self-destructing and we’re approaching the end of our civilization.

    But do these narratives bring you joy? Do they cause you to see the world in the brightest possible light? Or do they cause pain and disintegration?

    Begin rewriting a better narrative to live by, and be aware of what ideas you’re constantly reinforcing to yourself.

    You can learn to rewrite your narratives by following the link below:

    Appreciate the little victories

    Be grateful for all of the little victories that you have daily.

    Most people give special attention to every negative thing that happens to them but turn a blind eye to all the things that go right.

    If you’re stuck in traffic, you’re probably going to notice the undesirable situation. But do you notice the times when you have a clean run? Do you pay attention to all the small things that go right, or normalize them?

    To become more optimistic, you need to build a habit of appreciating everything that goes right. Paying attention to the positives helps you cultivate gratitude – Which causes you to feel more optimistic.

    For a deep dive into gratitude, read the article below:

    Don’t skip the inner work

    Being optimistic is not about throwing a tarp over your worries and pretending everything’s fine, nor is it about alluding yourself to a false sense of positivity.

    Needless to say, things will happen from time to time in your life – Things that are out of your control. If you want to genuinely become a more optimistic person, do not repress negative emotions when they surface. Don’t deny the bad things that happen.

    Some situations won’t be fine, we are human. Don’t pretend that everything is always good because you need to be authentic, feel these emotions, and let them drift through.

    Don’t pretend that everything’s good, but understand that it will be okay.

    When you accept your difficulties and confront your issues, a weight will be lifted from your shoulders. You will be able to see the future with zest and excitement.

    Don’t make assumptions

    You can learn to see situations in a different light, depending on the narrative you give them.

    If you don’t know the full story behind something, be careful not to assume the worst. By assuming the worst-case scenario, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. By assuming more positive alternatives, you’ll release a burden from your shoulder.

    Learn how you can reframe situations below by using a cognitive reframing technique:

    Listen to inspiring stories

    As we tend to embody the messages we hear, the stories and ideas we’re exposed to can be taken to heart – Resulting in a more optimistic or pessimistic outlook. We don’t always want to take things to heart, but humans are naturally impressionable.

    If you’re constantly listening to people telling you about their failures, or how hard it is to make it in life, of course, it’s not going to instill optimism.

    On the other hand, if you’re regularly listening to inspiring stories and surround yourself with people who are encouraging you to do better, you’re likely to feel more optimistic because of these influences.

    Therefore, it’s important to be selective about what sort of messages you’re soaking up.

    I’m not saying to turn a blind eye, but perhaps be more selective about what sort of energy you’re exposing yourself to. If it’s mostly negative, consider giving yourself an arm’s distance from these influences.

    Reassess your priorities

    Pessimism is often born from superficial priorities or unachievable goals.

    If making money is your whole world, you might not feel so great if you’re not where you want to be. How can you stay motivated when your goals are so difficult to achieve?

    I suggest making your priorities intrinsic.

    Don’t aim to be rich, aim to be satisfied with what you have. If you set internal qualities over material pursuits, you’re bound to feel more optimistic because your goals aren’t only easier to attain – They’re fulfilling.

    As long as you value your personal development over any external gain, you will always win because the toughest experiences usually yield the biggest rewards.

  • How Can You Change Your Perception Of Life?

    How Can You Change Your Perception Of Life?

    How you view reality is a key to a good life. Whether your reality is a place of endless wonder or a depressing hole depends on how you look at it.

    Here’s the interesting thing.

    Reality can be whatever you make it, and you are 100% in control of that. By making some adjustments to how you see your life, you can have an infinitely better experience on this planet.

    In this article we’re going to look at the power of perception on your life experience, and what you can do to shift it in a direction that makes life worth living.

    What is your perception of life?

    A lens to see life through

    We assume that we all perceive the same reality, but everyone lives in different worlds. Since we are all individuals who have undergone different experiences, we all see the world a little differently. And that’s the beauty of it. Everyone’s life journey is unique, despite how similar some may seem.

    Your life experience is molded by some things such as:

    • Your beliefs
    • Your experiences
    • Your mindsets
    • Your influences
    • Your culture
    • Your values

    Together, all these different aspects of you create your perception of life.

    Your perception of life refers to a conglomerate of systems that form your view of reality. Everyone has a unique view of reality, no two people’s perceptions of it are exactly alike.

    Think about it this way.

    A corporate millionaire is going to have a very different perception of life than an indigenous shaman. A world traveler is going to have a different view of reality than a single mother.

    The frame that you view life creates the foundation for your life.

    If you believe that the world is going to hell and you’re a helpless pawn in the system, then you’re not setting yourself up for a very good experience. On the other hand, if you are optimistic about your future, you have adopted a growth mindset, and you see the world as your oyster where you can become anyone and do anything, then the reality you’re creating for yourself is going to be very different.

    Why your perception of life matters

    Your perception of life facilitates the experience that you have. It plays a role in how happy you are, how much you suffer, and what you make of your life.

    Let’s look at it from another angle.

    If you are a pawn on a chessboard, your perception of life is the board. It’s the framework in which you navigate your life experience.

    If your framework is fundamentally broken, you’re at a massive disadvantage. If your framework facilitates growth and expansion, then you’re setting yourself up for a successful life.

    Luckily, your perception of life is not fixed because naturally, it’s always changing. This means that your outlook on life can drastically change if you put in the effort to change it.

    Changing your perception of life is neither a quick nor easy process. It’s like planting a seed and tending to that seed as it grows into a beautiful tree.

    Developing new lenses to view reality

    Individuality of perception

    We’re all provided with a canvas, but paint different pictures on it with the experiences we have. Ultimately, everything in life is subjective because everyone sees everything differently. This is the basis of perception, understanding that life itself is subjective.

    Below are some different frames that people create through their life experiences. See if you can identify each person’s beliefs, experiences, mindsets, influences, and values which have created their perception of life.

    Identify your frame of reality, and write it down. Do you know what experiences have facilitated your current outlook on reality, and is it a desirable outlook to have?

    The world view of a traveler

    I perceive life in a way where we are responsible for what we make our lives into. If we don’t take some risks and face our fears, we’re going to end up stagnating.

    Therefore, I value adventure, life experience, and personal growth more than anything else. As such, I created this website around these values, to help you develop the same.

    This investment into my growth has worked out for me. I’ve been traveling the world for many years, embarking on many adventures, and experiencing so many different situations of all colors and flavors.

    To me, life is limitless. We all have this innate capability that needs to be nurtured. We might not be the right people to achieve what we want, but we can make ourselves the right people. I’m searching for the wisdom to reach my highest potential, and making the most of the journey.

    The world view of a spiritualist

    Matt has done a lot of inner exploration, and has discovered that he is happiest when he’s cultivating a deeper connection to the spiritual.

    Over time, Matt’s reality has become a very intriguing place. His faith has become very strong and he believes in many ideas after death, and these beliefs have completely eradicated his fear of death.

    Matt is on a journey to find those feelings of wholeness. He meditates a lot, does yoga, seeks human connection, and is by no means a superficial or materialistic person. He has learned to slow down and smell the roses.

    After all, isn’t that what life’s about? So he doesn’t spend his time worrying, but feeling love and compassion, and working to become a better person while in this fleeting meat suit.

    The world view of an entrepreneur

    Sheena perceives life in a way where fulfillment comes through following her passion and making something of herself. She has imagined every situation in life, but can’t see joy unless she is living the life that she wants to build for herself.

    As a result, Sheena worked hard to create her own business and now makes a good income with it. Sheena does what she loves and continues to develop her business, network, and help many people along the way.

    This drive to do what she loves has created a fulfilling lifestyle that she’s proud to have. She couldn’t imagine herself doing anything else with her life.

    The world view of a victim

    Joel perceives life in a way where he’s at a constant disadvantage. He doesn’t deserve what’s happening to him, and he doesn’t know why he’s so unlucky.

    Every day Joel seems to have issues with people, work, getting ahead, making money, or finding time to do what he likes. Everyone is always trying to bring him down, and he constantly needs to fight to survive in this cruel world.

    As Joel is an innocent victim. He feels that he has no power and that he needs to be compensated for the hardships that he has been through. He knows he will never make it as long as the world tries to keep him down.

    Changing your perception of life

    Perception of the brain

    How you are conditioned throughout your life molds your perception of life. This determines what you are receptive to, and how experiences are interpreted. This ranges from noticing different things, to having different expectations, associations, outlooks, and mindsets.

    After nearly drowning while swimming at the beach, you will not see the ocean the same as you once did. Your focus will shift from an enjoyable experience to associations with fear, unease, and trauma. Your negative experience conditioned you to see the beach in a certain way.

    Someone who was raised in an abusive family will live in a personal reality of fear and paranoia if these traumas are not addressed. Due to their previous experiences, their reality shifts to accommodate resonating beliefs.

    This person might become more receptive to other people’s suffering. They are likely to notice more crime, drama, and misery in everything they experience because they see the world as a hostile place. As a result, they live in an ugly reality.

    It’s not that people are changing the universal, subjective reality. They are distorting it to match their own experiences, and this is why the experience that you have plays such a pivotal role in your perception.

    Therefore it’s important to heal from the past and start having experiences that align with the reality you want to create.

    For the most part, it’s not your actual problems that cause suffering in your life. It’s the way you view these problems. This means that to solve a problem, you need to get to the roots of the problem for anything to change.

    Here are some things you can do to help aid this process of changing your perception of life.

    Challenge your belief systems

    Your beliefs aren’t concrete, but they play such a big role in how you view the world. Believing that the government is fundamentally rotten and that the whole system needs reform is going to create a very different world than if you think it’s all working perfectly fine.

    If you are an atheist, you’re going to have a different experience believing in a reality after death. Changing these beliefs will make you view reality in a completely different way, which facilitates different values, philosophies, and ways of living.

    So challenge your beliefs. Question yourself. Don’t just reinforce a certain belief because it’s your belief. Your mind should be a workshop that’s constantly evolving, so encourage that process by constantly challenging what you know, and realizing that nobody really knows anything.

    Apply cognitive reframing techniques

    When you experience something where you don’t have the full picture, don’t just jump to conclusions. Usually, we jump to conclusions and reinforce a subjective idea that may not be in our best interests.

    If you see someone speeding, they must be an asshole. If you see a rich businessman, he must be greedy. If you see a politician, they must be corrupt. But you’re jumping to assumptions and filling in the narrative based on your perceptions.

    So try changing the narrative. How can you reinterpret situations so you feel better? I’m not saying to pretend that something isn’t how it is, because that’s not the solution. But if it’s a subjective matter and you don’t know the truth, that’s when you want to create a new narrative.

    Break the pattern

    If you’re living in the same mental programs that you’ve always known, you’re going to get a whole load of the same crap from life.

    Unfortunately, it’s easy to get stuck in the same patterns. For the most part, they’re all we have ever known. But there’s a whole new reality out there! Without awareness, we never end up breaking those patterns and life stays the same as it always has.

    So you keep getting into relationships that aren’t good for you. You get taken advantage of at work and wonder why it keeps happening. But it keeps happening because you’re not fixing the root cause. You’re destined to repeat the same reality if you don’t actually break those patterns and change things up.

    So break the patterns and set yourself free from replaying the same situations in life, and thinking that this is just how life is, because it’s not.

    Expose yourself to life

    Your life is built up from your experiences. If you have lived in different countries, worked various careers, and been in different relationships, you’re going to have a whole lot more diversity in your life.

    If you live the life you always have, you’re stuck in your limiting belief systems simply because you don’t know what’s out there. You don’t know the sort of lifestyles that are accessible, and how those lifestyles change you as a person.

    This is why I think it’s very important to expose yourself to new ways of thinking, being, and doing. Expose yourself to the world, and try out new things that make you feel happy.

    Learn from other people’s perspectives

    People are goldmines of valuable information, but we’re so distracted that we never really listen to them.

    Of course, the ego factors in here. We tend to stick to our belief systems and assume we know what’s up, but what if we listened to alternative perspectives? What if we were genuinely curious to learn about other people’s worldviews, and understand how it makes them feel?

    Well, it’s not too late to start. Start hearing people out and having conversations with people who you think have nothing in common with you. I challenge you.

    If you’re pro-vaccine, I want you to have a conversation with someone who is anti-vaccine, and hear them out. Likewise, if you’re anti-vaccine, listen to people’s concerns and perceptions of being pro-vaccine.

    If you’re pro-Ukraine, listen to someone who supports Russia and vice versa. If you’re a Republican, listen to a Democrat. If you’re anti-drug, listen to someone who works with plant medicines.

    If you hear people out, you might start seeing eye to eye. The problem is that you don’t hear them out, so your perspective never broadens. So start listening to everyone, despite what they think. Knowledge is power.

    Make healing a priority

    Internal wounds degrade your perception of life. If you have a lot of trauma hidden in there, that trauma is going to reflect into your reality. This is why doing the healing is so important because if you’re healed, you’re going to see life in a beautiful light.

    People can go through the most horrendous things, but heal from them and be happy. likewise, someone can have everything handed to them in life, but be very miserable because they have neglected the little things.

    Make your healing a priority, and you’ll see the impact it has.

    Exploring different areas of your life

    Let’s break down your life experience into a few different sections.

    Analyze each section below and think about what sort of life you want for yourself. See if you can identify some barriers preventing you from becoming the person you need to be, to achieve the life you want to here.

    Create your own reality

    Perception is a double-edged sword. Life isn’t all drama and torment, there’s a wonderful side to it if you learn to see it. It’s through life-enhancing perceptions that people build the lives they do.

    If you have a healthy perception which encourages your development, the world becomes an amazing place. Through this paradigm shift, you will cherry-pick the positive elements of life, and see the best in everything.

    It’s important to understand that the conditions of your life don’t matter. They are simply advantages and disadvantages. Only your mind is capable of creating and sustaining happiness.

    Start changing your perception of the world to a happy medium. Focus on everything good that happens to you every day, and milk every positive experience that life hands you.

    Make a habit of this and keep at it, and over time, your reality will become a very different place.

  • The Opportunity Mindset: How To Step Into A Life Brimming With Opportunities

    The Opportunity Mindset: How To Step Into A Life Brimming With Opportunities

    The life you lead is the result of the opportunities you’ve pursued. Every choice you’ve made, no matter how small – Has shaped your life journey. By viewing opportunities as stepping stones, you’ll understand why it’s so important to jump on them.

    Opportunities are gateways to new life experiences. That’s why it’s so important to develop an opportunity mindset – Where you perceive your life to be abundant in opportunities, choices, and new exciting experiences.

    What is the opportunity mindset?

    Different opportunities concept art

    The opportunity mindset is an optimistic view of life where you constantly feel abundant in opportunities and perceive them to be pathways to new life experiences.

    Someone without an opportunity mindset might thoughtlessly brush off an invitation to meet new people. Someone with an opportunity mindset is likely to think about the potential doorways this experience could open up – And is more likely to pursue it.

    By developing an opportunity mindset, you’ll see life through a frame of possibility. You’ll think about where any given course of action could take you, embrace new experiences, and view challenges as opportunities for growth.

    The opportunity mindset is empowering because it encourages you to take a more proactive approach to life. By seeing your life through a frame where there is always a new road to take, you’ll never feel like you’ve hit a dead end.

    You never know where a doorway will lead you or how your life will change by walking through it. So instead of seeing barriers everywhere, learn to recognize uncertainty as a gateway to new experiences.

    To get started, visit the article below to learn more about the growth mindset:

    You’re always abundant in opportunities

    The truth is you’re always surrounded by opportunities. Part of the opportunity mindset is to recognize that there is always a pathway you can take, and if nothing seems obvious, create one!

    The reason why you don’t see these opportunities is because you’re stuck in the groove of doing what feels normal to you. So you end up doing the same things over and over again, and wondering why you’re life is stagnant.

    But every day you can make different decisions.

    You can try new things, meet new people, and go to new events.

    You can reach out to friends, try a new hobby, and change up your routine.

    There’s an infinite amount of possibilities, and you never know where any one of these things will lead you.

    Opportunities lead to opportunities.

    By looking at all the different pathways you can take daily, you will never feel like you’re trapped. And if you do, it’s because you’re not changing things up.

    Opportunity mindset vs threat mindset

    Why is it that one person might see a situation as an adventure, while another may see it as a nightmare?

    The way we perceive things often boils down to our mindset and outlook. The opportunity mindset and threat mindset are contrasting lenses that determine how we see different situations in life.

    People who don’t see through a frame of opportunity are often trapped in a threat mindset. Instead of seeing your circumstances in a way where you can somehow benefit from them, a threat mindset is a pessimistic counterpart.

    The threat mindset is a limiting belief system where you focus on the risk and perceive obstacles as barriers. Instead of trying new things, you have an aversion to change. Therefore, you see challenges as something negative.

    The threat mindset leads to a much more conservative lifestyle. Instead of jumping on different opportunities that are presented, you try to hold onto security.

    A threat mindset magnifies risks and leads to a heightened sense of fear, which is why it’s important to identify and replace it with an opportunity mindset.

    Making wiser decisions with your life

    The opportunity mindset

    It’s easy to think of some reason why you’re not living the life you want to live. But at the end of the day, it all comes back to the decisions you’ve made, and the decisions that you continue to make.

    Your life path is built with decisions, and each day is shaped by hundreds of little decisions.

    You decide to meditate or watch another episode of your favorite show. You decide to get drunk or to work on an avocation. You decide to apply for a new job, take a course, or move to another country.

    Your decision to work towards better things makes a world of difference. No decision should be seen as good or bad, but you should think about where those decisions will lead you, and what opportunities will open up in the future because of them.

    If you’re constantly making decisions that stunt your growth and limit you, then you have nobody to blame but yourself.

    Strive to make better decisions that open you up to a more colorful world, because your decisions facilitate the experiences you have.

    Navigating the major life decisions

    Your day-to-day decisions pave the road you walk, and the bigger decisions plan out the route. The big decisions can change the trajectory of your life, so they’re important to consider carefully.

    Do you ever wonder where your life would be now if you did things a little differently? Did you decide to leave that toxic relationship, even though you knew it would hurt? Did you pursue a line of work that fulfills you? Have you closed yourself off to other people, or do you have a thriving social life?

    When it comes to the little things, you decide to work on yourself or not. You decided to shut out conflicting ideas that could have helped you. You decided to be a victim, to be stuck in your ways, and you are responsible for every decision you have made.

    But don’t beat yourself up. We are human and it’s okay to make some bad decisions, that’s how we learn after all. But realize just how important your decisions are, and strive to make better ones that will serve your growth.

    To take full responsibility for your decisions, read the article below:

    Are you a yes person or a no person?

    Some people will have a reason why they can’t do anything out of the ordinary, and other people will be open to anything that happens.

    Although there’s nothing wrong with saying no, it can become an ingrained habit where life itself becomes a rejection of anything that doesn’t fit into your box of comfort.

    Whether you say yes or no to life, in general, sets the foundation of the opportunity mindset. By saying yes to life, you’ll notice a stark contrast in how you interact with it, and where it leads you.

    Identifying windows of opportunity

    Windows of opportunity

    Opportunities are like windows. They open temporarily, but if you don’t jump through them while they’re open, they can close forever.

    Throughout your life, windows of opportunity are constantly opening and closing. Many of these windows will appear suddenly (last-minute invitations, the perfect moment for a first kiss), and that window could be a make-it-or-break-it moment.

    A window might appear in the form of a partner or relationship, jobs, avocations, friends, hobbies, or anything at all. The more determined you are the follow that particular path, the further it will lead you into a different lifestyle.

    Utilizing opportunities is about seeing these windows all around you, and the pathways each window potential leads to. You will never know what could have been if you always let these windows close, and never take a risk to find out.

    Windows of opportunity can open out of the blue, so jump on them before they disappear forever. Take a chance and see where these windows take you, otherwise, you might regret not crawling through them when you had the chance.

    Start making more connections

    So many opportunities in life come through people. So if you want to live a life abundant in different possibilities, it’s important to meet people, make contacts, and push yourself out there a little bit.

    If you’re always sitting at home making no effort to stay in touch with people, go to events, or take the initiative to invite people to things, your life is probably going to be pretty bland.

    So start by working on your social life and creating contacts. There are always people to meet through the workplace, friendship groups, and by going to networking events.

    Do some research to see if any events are coming up that interest you. Make an effort to go to these events and chat with people. Stay in contact with friends, and don’t decline opportunities to meet their friendship groups.

    The more you generally put yourself out there on all fronts, whether it’s making more of a name for yourself in your workplace, networking at events, or engaging the online social sphere more, naturally the more opportunities are going to show up.

    Keep an open mind

    Have you ever been invited to something and thought it would suck? But then you ended up doing it, and certainly didn’t regret it?

    Well, think about everything in this way. There are so many things that we turn down regularly because we either don’t have time, feel uncomfortable, or the opportunity doesn’t even register because we’re so caught up in routine.

    Maybe someone starts chatting to you at a cafe. Instead of engaging in the conversation and seeing what you can learn from it, you dismiss the person, often unconsciously.

    Maybe some people at work invite you out to do something. You feel like it might be a bit awkward, so you don’t go out, and don’t strengthen the connection with your colleagues.

    Suddenly you’re on the outside of your workplace, and those colleagues never become more than colleagues because you didn’t take the opportunity to get to know them better. You had the opportunity, but you closed your mind to it.

    How about trying something new for the sake of experiencing it? Even if you don’t think you’ll enjoy it, what do you have to lose from giving it a shot?

    This is why it’s important to keep an open mind because you never know what you might enjoy. If you base your decisions on what you think might happen, then you’re not allowing yourself to explore a little and discover new things in life, and you close yourself off.

    The opportunity cost: Weighing up the pros and cons

    Divorce

    The opportunity cost is what you would have missed out on if you didn’t take an opportunity that was presented.

    Think about it this way. If you don’t take an opportunity to meet some acquaintances for a coffee, you miss out on creating deeper connections with them. If you seldom get out of your comfort zone, you forgo the competence you would gain otherwise.

    It’s important to think about the opportunity cost for every decision you make. Assessing the opportunity cost gives you some sort of framework that allows you to decide on an unbiased lens.

    Therefore, ask yourself what you would gain by pursuing any given opportunity. Likewise, ask yourself what you could lose.

    If you’re struggling to make a decision, write down all the potential benefits, and all the potential setbacks of pursuing that particular opportunity. If the pros outweigh the cons, act on it.

    Assessing the opportunity cost for big life decisions

    Always exercise caution, but don’t let moderated cautiousness mutate into paranoia. Some situations are dangerous. Some are not worth the potential loss-to-gain ratio.

    If the opportunity doesn’t seem like it’s worth the potential payoff, don’t follow through with it. But if you identify that it’s solely fear holding you back and taking the opportunity is likely a good move, then do it.

    It’s important to not instantly dismiss any opportunity that’s presented. Make sure you give it some consideration, weigh up the potential risks, and then decide whether to jump on it or not.

    Reframing how you perceive challenges

    rubik cube 1703600 1280

    Viewing everything that happens to me in a frame of personal growth really drives the opportunity mentality. Instead of defaulting to not doing something because it pushes me out of my comfort zone, I think about how it will help me grow as a person.

    If I’m invited to a social outing with people I don’t know, I might feel a little uncomfortable and my first instinct will be not to go. After all, it’s much more comfortable to stay home. But if I let that little voice win, then I’m absolutely sure it won’t be a one-off occurrence.

    So I need to challenge that voice with the growth voice and think about why it would be beneficial for me to do it. What would I potentially miss out on if I decided not to take the opportunity?

    That’s the side of me that says ‘It might be uncomfortable, I might even regret it, but trying something and having a bad time will make me feel a whole lot better than not experiencing it at all.

    Overcoming resistance to change

    Life is constantly presenting you with choices. If you feel like nothing ever happens, it’s because you’re not being proactive. If opportunities aren’t coming to you, you need to start seeking them out.

    A big reason why you’re not seeking out opportunities is because you’re avoidant. You’re complacent in a life where you’re not struggling enough to force change, but you don’t have a big enough incentive to change either. I call this the stagnation zone.

    When you’re in the stagnation zone, it’s important to start moving the needle in any way possible. Think about what you can gain from having new experiences, and how these new experiences can lead to better things.

    If you view your life in a frame of personal growth, this should incentivize you to change things up. Then it comes to discipline. This means making decisions that will benefit you and forcing yourself to follow through.

    You will disappoint yourself at times, and it’s okay. But use every time you fail to redefine what you want and to move towards it. Remember, your life is built up brick by brick. You need to commit to change before you begin to see it manifesting in your life.

    Seeing obstacles as challenges

    Whenever you’re presented with a challenge in your life, look at it in a way that it’s there to push to you grow. Because if we weren’t challenged, we would probably just stay and same and get nowhere.

    The most competent people have usually had some pretty big challenges in their lives. But instead of feeling defeated by those challenges, they strove to grow from them.

    The result? They become more capable people who can handle a lot more. They know that future obstacles are just temporary barriers that lead to even more growth, so they move toward them rather than away from them. After all, why wouldn’t you when you see how beneficial they are for you, even though sometimes they suck?

    This is the mentality you need to adopt. Any obstacle in your life is there to teach you valuable skills. You just need the determination, ingenuity, and perseverance to overcome those obstacles, and you’ll find that those obstacles are essential to building you into the person you want to become.

  • From Desire to Contentment: Breaking the Cycle of Need

    From Desire to Contentment: Breaking the Cycle of Need

    If you make it in life, you’re going to be happy! As long as you dedicate yourself to a respectable career, hustle, and throw in some shiny things like a nice house, car, and maybe a kid or two, you have won life. But is it really that binary?

    As you’re probably well aware, there are a few missing factors here. The problem with this narrative is there’s no substance. The pursuit of happiness is existential in nature. Having everything you have ever wanted is nice and all, but it’s not going to fulfill you because that feeling you’re really looking for is achieved by doing the spiritual legwork.

    From here you have two choices. Continue on with this cycle of need by scratching the itch to gain more, or take the path less walked by cultivating contentment with what you have. One path will lead you on a rat race your entire life. The other will lead you to genuine fulfillment. It’s time to break the illusion of needing more, so let’s look at how to do it.

    Why having less improves your life

    Minimalistic artwork of a person backpacking

    Back when I was younger, I thought things were the keys to happiness. I was always envious of people with a lot to show for their lives. Why? Because I felt empty inside, and thought I needed to prove something to the world.

    To me, happiness was correlated with success, and success was a token of how much people had. When I decided to start traveling, my values changed dramatically. Not having a home meant I had to fit everything I owned into a backpack or get rid of it.

    So I trimmed back to the essential clothing, documents I needed, and a few things I use all the time such as my laptop, wallet, and phone. What was once a scary thought became the most liberating decision I ever made, because trimming back provided a wholeness I once never had.

    Now it has been around seven years on the road, having lived in eight countries, and visited many more. What I realized is that we often have so much that we don’t need, that cutting down to the minimum is such a good feeling because:

    1. We realize how little we need to be happy
    2. We get so much more value out of everything we have

    In this article, I’m going to tell you exactly how to break the cycle of need by cultivating contentment. This is going to allow you to indulge in a much richer life experience where you value what you have. Otherwise, below is an article I wrote about what success means. I suggest you have a read before moving on.

    Why is it bad to ‘need’ something?

    Desire is a double-edged sword, but need is a low vibrational energy. The reason why need sucks is because it distorts your reality by making you think you never have enough, therefore you can’t be satisfied with what you do have.

    Thankfully, the feeling of need is optional. It can be tricky to get out of, but if you have the bare essentials like food and water, you qualify. Breaking the perception of need requires you to build the muscle of gratitude.

    Here are some reasons why the feeling of need is harmful.

    • You end up spending a lot more money than you need to due to the belief that things will improve your life
    • You become dependent on things and use them as a crutch to feel fine
    • The desire to consume and accrue often becomes a form of escapism
    • Excessive consumption stops you from feeling your emotions and processing them
    • Excessive consumption reduces your self-control and leads to a lack of self-discipline
    • You become more cluttered as you have more things to deal with
    • Having excess things often causes you to become less grateful for what you have

    To explore the topic further, check out this article regarding escapism and our desire to avoid by attaining more:

    Truths I learned about finding true fulfillment

    There are three fundamental truths I have discovered when it comes to being content with your life. Reduce how much you consume, reduce how much you have, and stop seeking more.

    1. Stop consuming so much: The less you consume in general, whether it’s food, water, toilet paper, money, or materials, the more content you’re going to become.

    2. Stop accruing so much: Make sure you get a lot of value out of everything you have, stip down to the things you use regularly, and get lots of value from.

    3. Stop seeking more: Whether it’s money, relationships, or experiences, constantly working towards things is a sign that you’re lacking. If you want to be fulfilled, change your relationship with life by being present with the experience and navigating it instead.

    Fulfillment through perception: Viewing life through the minimalistic lens

    Minimalism paintbrush

    Minimalism is an ideology where you see your life in a frame where the less you have, the more value you get. This lifestyle isn’t just about trimming back, it’s an entirely different way of seeing the world around you.

    To go from desire to contentment, you need to maximize the value that you get out of everything you have, and everything you do. That’s what your sense of contentment simmers down to – how much you value everything in your life.

    Maximizing the value out of everything you have by minimizing your life gives you a form of freedom, detachment, and impermanence that is hard to achieve otherwise. That’s because possessions are a burden. They can be useful burdens, but they’re still burdens.

    When you think about it, most things provide nearly no value at all. They just become excess noise that doesn’t benefit your life in any way. Most of our lives are filled to the brim with stuff we don’t need (or use), but we have been conditioned that having more is a sign of success. This is the first thing we’re going to address.

    The fallacy of needing more: Social materialism

    Society is materialistic. We are conditioned to believe that a good life entails having lots of resources. That’s the bottom line of it. So we slave away to build the life we are told to dream about. If you fail, you have spent your whole life chasing a tale. If you succeed, you still won’t be fulfilled. Who’s the real loser here?

    Society will tell you that spending money will make you happier and that success correlates with a material condition. After all, if nobody buys pointless crap, the social structure will fail as it’s based on consumerism. Because of this structure, society is superficial, and people revolve their lives around acquiring useless things.

    People spending money isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The problem is that people are eluded into an artificial sense of fulfillment, and lose touch with what’s important.

    People’s values become skewed because they believe that authentic happiness must be paid for. So we end up chasing crap instead of going after things that provide genuine happiness – such as experiences, opportunities, connections, and spiritual growth.

    What are the real metrics of happiness?

    There is no correlation between wealth and happiness. The study ‘High income improves evaluation of life but not emotional well-being‘ supports this claim once you make enough to live comfortably.

    I have done a lot of soul-searching in my life, and what I find is that people who have little, in any country, are usually the most grateful, friendly, generous, and humble people you will ever meet. These are the metrics that I associate with happiness. Not wealth. So this has to tell you that so many of us are barking up the wrong tree.

    People with less don’t have the liberty to be brainwashed by this little voice in their heads. They dropped out of this materialistic rat race a while ago, and instead of tormenting themselves by believing they are losing the race, they take a different approach: By valuing the things that matter instead.

    The shocking truth about materialism

    Until you realize that 90% of the things you want won’t make you happier, you will always be controlled by them. Don’t be fooled by the carrot dangling in front of your nose. Now you need to resist the temptation to chase it!

    The things you’re chasing provide nothing more than a burden that supplements the ego. They just give you more to identify with and make it harder to let things go. Do you want to have a truly free life? Then what’s actually holding you back from achieving this sense of freedom?

    The more you have, the more attachment you form. You identify with your possessions and are eluded into a false sense of self. Ultimately, the more you identify, the more pain is generated through physical attachment and permanence.

    How to become more content with what you have

    Minimalistic flower artwork

    We have been conditioned through marketing, advertising, and visual pollution to have more. Instead of spending your life as a wild goose chase, what can you do to overturn this perception and get true value out of life?

    Happiness can not be found outside of yourself

    The things that you think you need are blanketing what you’re searching for underneath. You’re looking for a feeling of contentment which can be found through mindful consciously. By living consciously, you live a richer life because you’re present with all of your experiences.

    When you’re tempted to fall back into that pothole, take a moment to remember that happiness can not be found outside of yourself. So put this notion into practice by resisting the urge to get more, and focus on doing the inner work instead.

    It’s the little things that count!

    We have a natural propensity to place more value on expensive things because we equate cost with value. But how much does a sunset cost? What about a swim in the ocean, spending time in nature, that moment of deep laughter with your friends?

    All the things that count don’t cost a dime. So why are you buying all these things instead of indulging in real experiences? Living a life of high value is to focus on the little things. Experiences are what make your life better, not things. So instead of accruing things, start looking for something more substantial.

    Start appreciating what you have

    Building the muscle of gratitude should be the aim of the game here. When you’re grateful for all the things in your life, you’re going to be fulfilled. Ultimately, life is going to be much more wholesome.

    Think about it. The reason why people try and attain all these things is because they are trying to achieve the feeling. That feeling is gratitude which is a high vibrational energy, and it feels great!

    But the funny thing is that people tend to have it backward. They think that gratitude is dependent on having more when it’s not. Gratitude is a muscle that you develop. Sure, having more might give you an advantage here, but you absolutely don’t need more to feel grateful. Rather, it’s something you need to cultivate.

    So by reverse engineering the process and cultivating more gratitude in your life, you are creating a huge shortcut in life. I can’t go too deep into this phenomenon here, so here are a couple of articles that do.

    Reevaluate what’s actually important to you

    Fulfillment comes from having meaning in your life, not having stuff. Meaning is cultivated by walking your path in life and finding something deep inside yourself that gives reason. Allowing yourself to enjoy your possessions is fine. Having some things due to sentimental value, no worries. But there is a line here that you want to be careful not to cross.

    reevaluate what matters to you. I suggest writing a list of things that will make you feel better about your life. Keep this list handy and start working on those things. Here is an article that goes into more depth about this topic.

    Milk value from everything you have

    You can drastically reduce how much you consume by milking value out of everything you get. If you buy a chair, make sure you use it regularly, otherwise, what’s the point? Have a notebook? Fill up every space with ink before getting another. Have a laptop? How often do you actually use it? Are you using it to its full potential?

    Start by letting go of everything that doesn’t serve a high amount of value to you. There is nothing wrong with having possessions that provide a lot of value, but most people have so much excess. You will see that most things you have really provide no value at all. A large amount will provide a small amount of value, and very little will provide a lot.

    Start trimming the fat

    Keep the items you need, and those that you get a lot of value from, but let them go when their service is up. Look at what you own, and see how much you use everything. Use everything until you can no longer use it, instead of throwing away good items that can still provide value.

    There are so many things I don’t own, and have absolutely no intention to get them. I don’t need a TV or a car. All I have is my laptop which I use all the time, my phone, wallet, documents and passports, clothes, journal, and a few bits and pieces. And I genuinely feel like I have all I need with these things, and have no intention of getting more, unless I need it for some reason.

    If you don’t need something, don’t get it. Learn to appreciate what you have, and be grateful for it. If there’s something you don’t have much time for, then it’s probably not worth having.

    Simple tips to get more value from your life

    Minimalistic coffee artwork

    To really get more value out of everything in your life (and to appreciate the things you have), you need to make a big reduction in your life. This doesn’t mean doing anything dramatic, but you want to trim down your input and output to the bare minimum. Your life doesn’t have space for excess anymore.

    Watch how much you consume

    Avoid how much you consume. Besides the obvious things like food, alcohol, and sugar, this also applies to what you use. Toothpaste, cosmetics, electricity, TV, social media, and even external energies all contribute. Start reducing your input in general, and you’ll find that your happiness becomes much easier to sustain without this excess noise.

    Only buy what you need, stop splurging!

    After cultivating an awareness of how much you buy and what you actually use, start cutting out everything that you don’t have a good justification for your purchase.

    Cutting back takes a little discipline. Buying things is easy. It feels good because it gives you a dopamine kick. People tend to buy things when they feel down, whether it’s comfort food or a possession, it’s a core reaction for a lot of people. You need to be defiant of that reaction to impulsively buy, and see it as a muscle that you need to work.

    Invest in high-quality products

    Invest in high-quality items that provide lots of value through durability and lifespan, rather than low-quality items that are cheap and disposable. Due to getting higher quality things, you’re going to get so much more value from them. This also works well for your bank account as you aren’t constantly replacing items.

    Stop upgrading

    Instead of jumping to the next phone model as soon as it’s released, work your product until its death, or until you need a new model for a practical reason (sorry, being on top of fashion trends isn’t one of them).

    Avoid disposable items if you can

    To an extent, we can’t avoid disposable items. Coffee cups, toilet paper, packaged food. But there is a lot you can control. Besides having obvious environmental benefits, you just want to reduce your output and waste in every form you can.

    Minimalism is an important movement that will help you break the cycle of need. There has been a lot we’ve touched on in this article, so make sure you read over everything and apply what I’ve said. Remember, having less benefits you in so many ways. Make the effort to avoid this consumeristic trap that most people find themselves in.

    If you want to explore this topic more, I suggest checking out I suggest you look up The Minimalists. The minimalists are a trio of people who deep dive into minimalism, and the benefits of cutting back.