Are you tired of wearing a mask every day? I’m talking about the image you voluntarily wear because you’re afraid of exposing your true self.
We have all been conditioned to be normal, making it difficult to be in alignment with our true selves. That’s because our true selves aren’t normal. Our true selves are messy, flawed, broken, and maybe a little strange.
But normality doesn’t lead to fulfillment, authenticity does.
If you want to become more comfortable in your own skin, you need to be authentic to the person behind the mask.
No games, no bullshit.
It’s time to break free from the flock because authenticity is the path to liberation. Let’s explore how you can become comfortable in your own skin, by being the individual you are proud of.
Embrace your true self
Most people you see are wearing masks to fit in, or to appear as someone they’re not.
We want to appear successful, wealthy, and well-put together. We want an ego massage by flaunting an image that is admired by others. So we create a facade that we’re comfortable in, but the true self feels vulnerable when we expose it.
So we don’t.
Being comfortable in your own skin means you’re being your authentic self. You’re at peace with who you are, including your quirks, differences, and dysfunctions. It’s to come out of your shell and allow yourself to be visible.
Becoming comfortable in your own skin is to develop transparency. Rather than cowering behind a false image because you don’t meet society’s ideals, you are comfortable being seen for who you are.
This means you’re not worried about being judged or living to appease other people. You’re congruent with your own needs and desires, and do what you feel like doing regardless of how others perceive it – because you love yourself.
When people aren’t comfortable in their own skin, they don’t act congruently with who they truly are. They’re afraid of being nerdy, or strange, or different.
This can lead to issues such as:
- Disintegration
- Conformist behavior
- Lack of fulfillment
- Fear of being judged
- Self-worth issues
- Anxiety
The importance of embracing individualism
Part of being comfortable in your own skin is to be comfortable as an individual. It’s important to see the inherent value of your uniqueness because this will help you come out of your shell.
You can become more individualistic by pursuing your own beliefs, goals, and ambitions, regardless of what other people do, or how they view this behavior.
If people tell you to take path A because it’s conventional but you want to take path B, follow your instinct.
When I was younger I thought my life was planned out for me. After undergoing a spiritual awakening, I decided to sacrifice a respectable life to be a nomadic traveler. My life certainly hasn’t been conventional and there’s not a whole lot of people I can seek guidance from.
But this is what ignited the spark. It wasn’t working an office job and making a bunch of money. Although this path has its challenges, I couldn’t be happier that I followed my gut instinct to live a life integral to my interests, rather than following the beaten track.
But many people take the easy route and wonder why they aren’t fulfilled. Instead of living in alignment with your true desires, you suppress them to be normal.
In truth, most people are afraid to be themselves.
We’re pressured into abiding by a particular image, and we lose ourselves in the chase. So do you want to be the same as everyone else, safe and unseen, or do you prefer to pave your unique path through life, regardless of what others do?
I know what I would do.
Conformity: The killer of authenticity
Conformity is the little voice inside your head that tells you to fit in – Often botching your personality to do so. It’s a killer of authenticity and prevents you from being comfortable with your unique beauty.
Social pressure causes you to suppress certain aspects of yourself under the notion that you need to follow the accepted guidelines. Therefore, people dress the same, believe the same things, act the same ways, and have very similar lifestyles because they want to feel accepted.
Don’t just mindlessly follow the majority.
Follow your calling and base your decisions on what resonates with you. If you’re not sure what resonates with you, explore! See what the world has to offer before accepting a life that was imposed on you. Follow your desires, and discern what is your own choice, and what is just a redundant social program.
The more you walk your own path, the more comfortable you will be in your own skin.
So embody your true calling, and be yourself.
The role of self-expression
Let’s focus on your self-expression.
To become more comfortable in your own skin, you must learn to express yourself in a way that is congruent with your true thoughts and feelings.
If your actions correspond with your deeper feelings, desires, and beliefs, then you’re in alignment with your true self. If you act the way you should but feel that it’s incongruent with who you are, then you’re wearing a mask.
Expressing yourself freely is to allow yourself to express yourself in a way that feels good! You don’t necessarily need to be an expressive person if it’s not who you are, but you shouldn’t hold back.
If you feel like doing something, do it. If you feel like saying something, say it. Your instincts are powerful, and they serve an important function.
Self-expression comes in many flavors. There’s not just a single way that you express yourself.
Some areas to express yourself more freely include:
- The expression of your emotions (crying, laughing)
- Expressing yourself verbally (communicating your needs, desires, frustrations)
- Expressing yourself through body language (mannerisms, gestures)
- Expressing yourself romantically
- Acting on impulses instead of overanalyzing them
- Being expressive with stylizing yourself
- Expressing yourself through your sense of fashion
- Being free with your actions instead of restaining them
- Allowing yourself to be playful, mischievous, flirty, etc.
- Following your interests, passions, and avocations in life
Expressing yourself in a healthier way
It’s important to express your pain by crying, or your anger by venting. Do you feel better when you talk to someone about your problems and get it off your chest?
I bet you do.
Being in alignment with your true self allows you to process your life experience and heal your wounds. Pretending you’re okay only prevents you from looking at the issue at hand, which is why it’s counterproductive.
Expressing yourself fully = a more colorful expression of life.
Covering your feelings up = numbness and a lesser expression of life.
That’s why expressing your pain is just as important as expressing everything positive you feel.
Being authentic in your expression is no excuse for having no discipline or falling into habits or impulses that don’t serve you.
If you’re pissed off at someone, there are different ways you can express yourself. If you channel this anger by picking fights, you’re expressing yourself in an unhealthy way.
Why?
Because it’s destructive. This form of self-expression is just going to exacerbate the issue rather than resolve it.
You can also express positive feelings in a toxic way. If you start screaming at the top of your lungs in public because you received some good news, you’re being a nuisance. However, you can harness that positive energy in a way that benefits everyone.
Celebrate! Dance, sing, and be grateful. Have great conversations and let yourself shine. If you’re in love, show affection, show care, show that love. Be there for your partner, but don’t smother them.
This is why you need to think about how you’re choosing to express your energy because you can easily do it in a way that isn’t productive.
As long as you express yourself fully, you will find it much easier to be comfortable in your own skin – by discovering that the true you is brimming with life.
How to feel comfortable in your own skin
You may feel a little strange when you start coming out of your shell. It may even be daunting because you’re not used to being so visible – in the line of judgment.
However, the more you make an effort to embody your true self, the more comfortable you will feel. Like picking up a new hobby, the more you do it, the more comfortable you become with it.
So treat it as a process.
Practice coming out of your shell and exposing your true self, and you will start to find comfort in the new you. When you reach a point where you are comfortable in your own skin, life is generally a much more fulfilling and joyful experience.
Here we’re going to look at some steps you can take to become more comfortable with yourself.
Stop resisting yourself
Nonresistance plays a role in being comfortable with yourself.
I find that people who resist their thoughts and feelings tend to feel less fulfilled. I certainly didn’t feel comfortable in my skin when I was resisting who I was.
When you get into a state of nonresistance, it becomes much easier to enter a state where everything just flows. For many of us, our lives become an act of resistance. This is what creates a disconnection from spirit. You become good at putting up walls to protect your image.
When was the last time you danced just because you were feeling it? How much do you tell your friends that you value them? Do you allow yourself to be a little silly at times, or you’re trying to be ‘mature’?
You train yourself not to act in a certain way, and after a while, it becomes hard to be genuine.
Stop resisting your life experience, and you will find that you are a great place to be.
Get in touch with your feelings
Transparency is an important step to becoming more comfortable in your skin. It’s important to be as transparent so people know exactly what they’re getting with you.
Oppennes plays a big role in your ability to be transparent. Be an open book, and openly communicate with other people.
Most people aren’t very transparent for a couple of reasons.
1. They have something to hide.
2. They feel vulnerable by being seen.
Assuming you don’t have anything to hide, you probably feel vulnerable by being your true self.
Here’s the thing.
Most people have no idea who you are because you refuse to let them in. By being transparent, more people will resonate with you because they’re interacting with a three-dimensional person, not a facade.
Furthermore, you will attract like-minded people into your world by being open, and probably push away artificial people you don’t want.
It’s a win-win.
Be true to your beliefs
Your beliefs are powerful, and if you ignore them, you’re going to cause an incongruency. Therefore, stick to what you believe in despite what other people think.
Stand true to yourself without shame or guilt. Don’t be afraid to be judged by others, knowing everyone is so focused on their image, that nobody is paying attention to yours.
Perhaps you have an unpopular opinion on the world situation. Some people might disagree with you. They might not even like you for expressing those beliefs, but if aren’t integral to them, you move more into the territory of being a fraud.
Your beliefs, attitudes, and actions should be consistent with your values. Live in integrity with what you believe to be true, and you will feel much better about who you are.
Be sincere in your communication
Many people have a habit of saying what other people want them to say, rather than what they’re thinking.
Being honest with your communication will help you embody your true self. Sometimes it may be uncomfortable or intimidating, but you need to make a habit of being true to your word. Only then will you realize the power of a genuine word.
If people oppose your views, hold space to debate but don’t just agree for the sake of wanting to get along with people. This is people-pleasing behavior, and it certainly won’t empower you.
Sometimes it’s good to be a little blunt. Otherwise, sometimes it’s just nice to compliment people when you’re feeling it. Being vocal about your opinions generates interesting conversation, but it also opens you up to other people, as they see where you lie on different subjects and issues.
Stop seeking validation
Everything wants validation. It’s a part of being human. However, it can become easy to form an obsession where your life revolves around seeking validation.
If you want to be yourself, you can’t expect to be validated for it. People may judge you. Others may not like you for whatever reason. If you’re expecting everyone to give you a thumbs up for being yourself, you may be disappointed.
I find that some people are envious when I’m being my unapologetic self because it illuminates their inability to. Sometimes people get triggered, and that’s okay!
When you start desensitizing from the fear of disapproval, you will naturally begin acting more congruently with your true self. Desensitizing occurs from repetition and practice.
Therefore, start by pushing yourself a little bit, often, to act in alignment with who you truly are. You don’t need to do anything too drastic to begin with, but slowly build the habit of doing things a little out of the norm and following that inner voice.
Humanize yourself
Drop your armor.
Allow yourself to be seen as a three-dimensional person who has struggles, flaws, and challenges. Humanizing yourself isn’t just a good way to connect with people, but it makes life easier for you too.
Think about your insecurities and the measures you take to hide them.
What are you most ashamed about?
Perhaps it’s your physical appearance, how you communicate, your upbringing, or your life choices. Maybe you just don’t value yourself, and think nobody else will too.
When you allow yourself to be seen as a human being having a human experience, a huge burden is lifted, one that many people carry their entire lives.
Improve your self-worth
Not being able to be yourself generally stems from a self-worth issue.
You may not like the person you truly are, so you try to hide that person from the public gaze. Realize, however, that this won’t make you feel fulfilled.
Can you identify if there is something about yourself you don’t like? Some people will know instantly, others may need to do some digging. But let me hand the ball back to you.
What don’t you like about yourself, and what emotions does thinking about it stir up? Perhaps you feel shame or guilt. Perhaps you’re embarrassed by a particular personality trait or characteristic.
If you can identify something you’re deliberately withholding from the world, that could be why you’re uncomfortable in your skin – because you don’t love yourself.
In this case, the more you can cultivate self-love, acceptance, and forgiveness, the easier it will become to be your true self. To learn how to build your self-worth, check out the article below: