Again and again, my experiences have shown me that psychedelics are so much more than mind-altering substances.
Beyond the recreational trip, using psychedelics with intention can lead you to extraordinary places. Psychedelics have a profound effect on consciousness and open gateways to mystical experiences such as ego death, kundalini awakenings, and so much more.
There have been many times when I’ve delved into some of the deepest crevices of consciousness via psychedelics. Exploring my reality via psychedelics is a reason why I have spent a lot of time working with shamanic traditions in South America.
By this point, I’ve had some mind-blowing experiences in the psychedelic area. However, this experience I’m going to tell you about here is in a league of its own.
I’m going to share a life-changing experience I had with LSD, about 10 years ago.
This experience induced a kundalini awakening and changed my life in ways I’m still trying to understand. I still think about how monumental that experience was for my spiritual development, and how it opened up the doorways I’m walking today.
Here’s what happened.
Preparing for a breakthrough trip
During my early twenties, my curiosity had peaked in psychedelic exploration.
I was struggling with depression at the time and trying to find meaning in a life of bitterness. I understood the healing potential of the deep psychedelic state and was venturing further into the unknown with every sitting.
After all, I’ve always been a curious person. I would often pounce at the opportunity to go as deep as I possibly could into a psychedelic trip, not because I wanted to escape reality, but because I wanted to explore myself.
Conceptually, I knew how far into one’s consciousness a person could go, and I had an idea of what the experience could be like. Stories seemed to vary wildly, from experiences of enlightenment, alternate dimensions, spirits, and bliss, and I was determined to find out what would happen if I committed to jumping off the cliff.
At this stage, I was quite experienced with psychedelics. Ultimately, to my knowledge, I knew that everything was going to be okay. If there was any doubt in my mind, I never would have taken the plunge, but that didn’t ease the nerves.
During the still one morning before rationale kicked in and gave me the chance to hesitate, I consumed approximately 690ug of LSD by putting six tabs on my tongue. This was enough to surely instigate a breakthrough trip.
Over the next 10 minutes, the small paper squares dissolved into my saliva. I’ve always been a jump-into-the-deep-end kind of guy, but the anticipation was scary.
Nervousness and anxiety mixed with a touch of excitement were just some of the things I was feeling. What I didn’t realize is that this single action was going to permanently change my life in ways that I could never prepare for.
My elevation into euphoria
Some details are vague at this point, but I remember the main events like it was yesterday. I remember being completely eloped in music, as the chemical took effect. I had a notebook, writing down thoughts, feelings, and ideas that came to me.
I danced like a maniac and sang like a rock star. I felt the energy of movement like it had a whole new meaning. Sensations of boundless joy radiated from me, bursting from my flesh like fireworks. There was an intense heat emanating from my groin and drifting upwards through my body.
The sensation of ecstasy intensified. Before long, very abruptly, kaleidoscopic closed-eye visuals engulfed me. They were circular and crystal clear as if I was watching in high-definition.
I opened my eyes in awe, and my vision returned to the same ordinary living room. Every time I shut my eyes and felt that moment’s presence, the visuals reappear out of nowhere, like being hit by a truck.
It was time to be completely present with the experience and be immersed in this new world. So I shut off all stimuli and lay on my bed in silence.
My psychedelic induced kundalini awakening
I remember peering at the roof as the colors were brightening. The sensation of happiness continued to grow, as I became increasingly absorbed in the sheer magnitude of the experience.
Visions of fractals intensified as the tunnel within them became more apparent. My concept of time and space was rapidly numbing. But there was no fear, no pain. Just love as I’ve never felt it before.
This was still early stages, perhaps twenty minutes in. I wasn’t close to the peak, but the experience continued to get more intense. The heat channeling from my groin grew from a trickle into a torrent. It was pumping out of the crown of my head and chest, like water gushing from a tap.
I was in disbelief. I had read about these concepts in stories, but this isn’t real, how could it be? The sensations continued to evolve into pure ecstasy. Pure unconditional love like nothing I had ever felt. Something light-years beyond it.
It was love, peace, acceptance, and connection to everything in existence. The healing power of love began to make more sense as my mind was rapidly collapsing. All these ideologies I was learning about at the time were becoming very real, very quickly.
My psyche was dismantling as I could no longer hold a thought, only make groans and mutter single syllables.
I was entering a blissful state in the most literal sense I can fathom. This state was astoundingly powerful, well beyond my comprehension. There was no thought, no desire, or hunger. There was nothing I could want in that state because I was completely fulfilled in every sense of the word.
This sensation was solely unconditional love for everything and everyone. It was the uncontrollable urge to serve this love. The energy channeling through my body was intense. It was hot but not uncomfortable. It was sexual and unmistakable.
This was an experience I did not know human beings were capable of having. A cheat code, a wormhole, a paradox. I shouldn’t be here. Nothing made sense anymore.
There was a thread of self, only connection with everything. A oneness of love, light, and heat. No grounding in reality, no concept of suffering. Only a state of absolute joy is facilitated through love and the desire to serve it.
But it didn’t end there. As only figments of ‘I,’ remained, the last remnants of my ego revolted. It became overwhelming in the best possible way. This was enough, I’m drawing the line because this is too good to be true.
I’ve had my fun, and now time to go back to reality and integrate the experience. At that moment, baby steps were suddenly the ideal option. Rookie move, because that desire to ground myself was a big mistake.
The descent into hell
I just couldn’t let myself completely go into the unknown, despite how blissful it was. Perhaps it’s death, perhaps my ego found ammunition, I can’t tell you. As soon as I permitted my ego’s existence, fear instantly spread through me.
Already, this experience was so much more than I could possibly dream about, I just couldn’t go through that portal. Negative thoughts flooded into circulation as the feeling of bliss rapidly deteriorated into emptiness, almost like the flick of a switch.
The hot energy tap switched off and I could hear my mind screaming for the first time. Panic replenished me as I paced around the house. Within seconds, I was experiencing insanity. I found myself in a limbo between worlds, where I feared going into one, and couldn’t get back to the other.
It’s okay! I could wait this out.
I looked at the time which read 9am on the dot. So I started meditating, but couldn’t get back into a positive space. I paced around the house, chilled out on the couch for a while, looked at artwork.
After killing an hour or two, I looked at the time.
9:01am.
My stomach dropped. How? How is this even possible? Seconds lapped like hours on the clock. There was no hope of waiting this out. There was no structure or form anymore.
Through the depression I have endured throughout life, I had never known fear quite like this. I condemned my decisions as at that moment, I thought my life was over. I thought I had entered hell, trapped in this space forever, going mad. Why was I the stupid fool, did I really think it was going to be a walk in the park?
My heart was beating in my chest like a hummingbird’s wings. I thought I was waiting out the clock to cardiac arrest. Could I call for help? God knows I wanted to, but how? At that point, the phone seemed like alien technology. How on Earth could I operate that as a simpleton ape?
I was completely alone, stuck in my own meat jacket, and anticipating the end of my journey on this planet. All I felt was misery in every form fathomable. Like a lizard brain, survival was the only thing on my mind.
Surrendering to the experience
I didn’t want to accept death even though at that time, I did not doubt that it was impending. Then the point came where I couldn’t resist it anymore. It was too powerful for me.
I broke down on the living room floor and wept like a baby. The burden exploded and I was overcome with everything I didn’t want to face. I knew this was death, at least that’s how I perceived it.
I was sorry to my family, for my decisions, for being a shitty person at times. At that moment, all I felt was sorrow. I didn’t willingly surrender, I was forced into it kicking and screaming.
Then it happened.
As soon as I surrendered to this hellish nightmare, I instantly blasted through the fractal abyss I kept seeing. I saw what resembled a purple eye while rapidly vibrating, and then I was instantly consumed into the infinite.
All attachment to reality was obliterated into dust. The last thing I felt was my consciousness dissipating into a huge inter-dimensional network of energy in the cosmos.
The best analogy I can use is to imagine everything that makes up you, is a handful of sand. This sand is an assemblage of your memories, thoughts, personality, identity, and everything that creates an ‘I.’
If you were to throw this handful of sand into a hurricane, where each grain is dispersed in the wind, that’s what it felt like. There was nothing left that remotely resembled me anymore. No thought, no memory, nothing. I ceased to exist.
The breakthrough experience
I will use the term ‘I’ for the sake of simplicity, but ‘I’ wasn’t present. It was purely experience, observation, and knowledge. I don’t know how I witnessed what I witnessed without eyes or a mind. Likewise, I can’t tell you whether this was from a first-person perspective, third-person perspective, or something entirely different.
I saw nature’s design for the first time. I experienced consciousness through what seemed to be a worm. Squirming, moving without purpose. No vision, reason, thought, and comprehension. There was only hunger. Nothing else, but the need to survive.
Time was absent so I can’t impose a timeframe. But it felt like an eternity as the most basic mode of life. It was remarkably unspectacular.
As the experience transitioned and took the role of an observer in a savannah-like setting, I saw the food chain, survival, and animals suffering and dying to provide sustenance for others.
I experienced vultures ripping the flesh off rodents, ants swarming beetles, and what appeared to be this huge beastly dog roaming the lands. But there was no fear, no sense of danger, there was no urge to escape, just witness.
Divine masculine and feminine energies
The vision transitioned again, then I saw the divine masculine and feminine energies.
Vivid displays of symbolism not dissimilar to those of the male and female, not unlike that of ‘Om,’ represented in Hinduism.
I witnessed the unity of these complementary energies, merging with one another where new consciousness bifurcated like cells dividing. Then came the reproductive cycle as I was bombarded with imagery of birth.
Animals and humans giving birth, babies crying, growing old and dying, repeating the process. Sex – reproduction – death, as if it all made sense in the endless circle of life.
Floating to the heavens
Then came a point where there seemed to be trillions upon trillions of grains of energy floating from this reddish-purple realm into a bluish-whitish one.
The feelings of light started to reappear as all of these energy grains were floating upwards or towards this bluish-whitish hue. It felt like going home, like going to rest for the first time.
But what struck me odd in hindsight were the flashing signs and religious symbolism I saw at that moment, such as imagery of Christ-like figures, crosses, and that which is loosely represented through the construct of religion. I understood everything for I was knowledge itself, or so it seemed.
Between every transition, I seemed to go back to this interdimensional spiral of energy. I would rise up with the trillions (easier to say an infinite amount) of atoms, souls, energies, or whatever they were like a current of raging water. The further I elevated this spiral structure, the more light and positivity seemed to reappear. Love started to come back.
There was an innate feeling of higher beings, something far beyond humans at the top of this spiral. Enlightened entities exist as the dust of energy that we were all a part of.
At the very end of the experience, I vaguely remember all of these specs of energy forming what almost looked like a section of a human-like jaw. Then there was blackness, emptiness, nothingness.
The rebirth
I noticed the chirps of birds and the hum of my fridge. I opened my eyes and I was back, but there was calmness. It was like waking up from a beautiful dream, refreshed and filled with life.
My body was collapsed in a pile on the living room carpet. I wasn’t just back, I was sober. I didn’t even try to process what had happened, but lay on the ground for the moment, absorbing the reality around me.
From that moment, the old me had died, and he never came back. Good riddance, but what was I? I remembered my past, but I was new, reborn with all this fresh inspiration and knowledge, with a purpose so strong that it burnt like a flame, rather than the smoldering ashes that I had grown familiar with. For the first time in my life, I was complete.
Not long afterward, I went for a walk in a nature reserve behind my house, absorbing life fully, and appreciating every little thing in it. I saw bugs crawling in the grass and flies buzzing around me, and I loved it. For days afterward, I felt the energy in every living thing. I saw life from a different perspective.
But what did I experience? I still can’t answer this question. Was this simply a trip? Was everything I experienced sourced from my own subconscious, or was this something else entirely? I can’t say, nobody can. Whether it was or not, from that moment I was a different person, and that’s what mattered.
This breakthrough trip has allowed me to understand the connection between psychedelics and spirituality. It has shown me firsthand why psychedelics have had such a strong affiliation with spirituality and the world’s indigenous, and why they have been perceived as portals to other dimensions.
1 comment
Your article has opem my mind i am still lookink for ansewers the reson i am here in this dimension how sould i could get anseweres to my questions.
Wehe do i come from and my origions from the spiritual realms.
What was the porpose for me to be born here.